Childless women - who will look after you in old age?

[boatyface2]

If you are childless (by choice or not) or even if you have children, what's your view on this?

I've seen several threads from mums hating it and saying they wish they didn't have kids. Surely it's all good when you're young but who will look after you when you're old?

I wonder if that is why mums complain how much they hate it, yet go on to have a second and third child? And if old age wasn't a concern, why did you have children if you don't enjoy it?

I’ve got an agreement with my 11 year old ds that’ll be visit me once a month in the home and bring me toffee’s.... even if I have no teeth 😂

I certainly didn’t have children to look after me in old age but I have to admit I would like to feel they will care about and want to see me occasionally!

And living the identifying as a dog idea!

Erm my bank account potentially followed by dignitas if I get too dribbly

*loving

OP you are missing the most important point.

Never mind the childless women WHAT ABOUT THE MENZ!?

Since I have never wanted children, having them just to support me in my twilight years would be pretty selfish. And ultimately fruitless, since they’d have miserable childhoods and go join a mission to colonise Mars as soon as possible.

Me and DH are going to get off our heads on drugs on a rock and roll cruise and gonna go down in a blaze of glory.

I’ll leave my nice handbags for the girlies and some moola in the banks.. they’ll be happy

Anyway I intend to 'not go quietly' I will be swigging wine, eating chocolate, playing loud rock music and computer games or watching tv till 3am in the nursing home and telling them to shove thier bingo where the sun dont shine.

As long as my kids still want to spend some time with me now and again (and bring vino and chocolate) I will be happy. They are not responsible for me in any way shape or form.

I don't think the majority of people have children just so they have someone to depend on in old age. I certainly didn't! I would never expect my DS to look after me but it depends what you mean by 'look after'.
If i was severely immobile - couldn't wash/walk/eat by myself I'd expect to be put in a home, I'd never ask my child to potentially give up his life to wait on me hand and foot everyday. However, if it were just helping me go to the shop once a week then I probably would hope he'd do that for me as my dad does for his parents - my GD had a heart attack last year and decided to give up driving, my dad and his sister have a rota between them (and including my mum and uncle) who takes them shopping each week so I doesn't just fall on one person all the time (my mum hates this system! Hate shopping when its not for herself!)

I don't want my children to look after me. I want them to be off living their lives. I have been thinking about Dignitas and told dh that that or similar is what I ideally want. And hoping assisted suicide, with proper regulations and protections, is legal here by the time it comes to it for me.

I won’t be looking after my parents in their old age and I wouldn’t expect my children to look after me. I know one lady who’s mid 60s whose already chosen and signed herself up for a care home in case she needs it, so her children don’t have to take care of her.

Thanks for that cheerful idea OP.

I’m going to go with the excellent self identify as a dog suggestion, and before that I will have lots of doggies to look after me. Better than hoomans anyway. Woof.

Lots of people even send their loved ones away when they feel their death is approaching

^ This. When my grandmother died she told me to leave because "it isn't something a child should see", she died less than 10 minutes after we left. She knew.

I'm the OP

To answer someone's question, I have lived in the UK a long time but wasn't born here. My parents had me partially as old age care and I would be happy to look after them (assuming we still get on).

I find it odd this general consensus that each generation is happy to sacrifice and take care of their children, but it's somehow a burden to do the same for their parents. And they then don't expect anything from their children! Perhaps it's a culture thing.

I have considered retirement villages and I think mostly I'll be ok in my old age without adult children. But my parents are in their 60s and I often help them out with things (that they didn't even realise they were doing wrong) and I don't think you can pay for that sort of attention to detail.

Like if I need a cleaner, I'll pay someone to clean. But what if something needs doing and I'm not realising it? Perhaps I'm worrying too much.

As for my partner, he's old than me by a few years so I assume I'll take care of him, which I will do happily as well

I genuinely believe I would’ve failed DC if they had to give up their lives to care for me although I hope our relationship is strong enough for them to want to visit me. I had DC so they could thrive in their own lives not to wear themselves out looking after their parents. I’d go to Dignitas before I allowed that to happen. I have already expressed this wish to DH and I will put it in writing.

I find it odd this general consensus that each generation is happy to sacrifice and take care of their children, but it's somehow a burden to do the same for their parents. And they then don't expect anything from their children!

Surely this is down to the fact that parents make a choice to have children, knowing that it will create a burden of care and accepting this; whereas children don't make a choice to have parents and thus have not tacitly accepted the burden of their care.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=5fhhAGpLsLE

We didn't have DS to have someone to look after us in our old age. We hope wouldn't expect him to 'up sticks' and come and live near us in our old age. What happens if, say, he goes to live in another country because his work takes him there, meets someone and settles down. Whose parent is 'more important' then? What if her parents have needs too? Would she be expected to leave them behind to come to live near us? It's a different world to the one our grandparents had where people lived close by and expected that to remain the same down the generations. We travel, we meet people, we change jobs and we settle in different countries now.

My mum is in a care home. Alzheimer's. We kept her in her own home as long as was practical. She's now wandering so needs secure accommodation - if she lived with us we would have make sure every outer door or gate was locked and with a 10 year old that's not going to happen. Plus she wanders at night and is doubly incontinent. DS has a heart condition and I'm not having his health compromised by my mum's condition. He needs peace and quiet at night, not us trying to get mum to go back to bed with the swearing and shouting that now involves (she screams at the top of her voice now if you try to get her to do anything she doesn't want to do sadly).

She's happy where she is and we, as a family, visit every other day if not every day. But, if we lived overseas or even a just a few hundred miles away that wouldn't happen and it can't always be helped.

For example, if you're too scared to go to the hospital alone, who will go with you?

OP, you don't have to say "I'm the OP", your posts are highlighted so most of us can see you are.

I know everyone says they don't expect looking after by their kids, but come on surely everyone with kids is hoping that their kids will WANT to look after them?

This honestly has never crossed my mind. When I imagine my future I have a vague vision of me living with one of my friends and us cackling together on park benches. Somewhere by the sea I think. I haven't told her yet that we are going to live together when we are old. I'll leave it as a joyful surprise for her.

How do you know your parents had you to help care for them? Did they tell you this? How strange! What if your career or relationships took you abroad? Or you get ill yourself and can’t care for anyone anyway. Very odd concept.

We have 6 grown up children. I help care for my mum who has altzimers but I won’t be a martyr. If she becomes doubly incontinent and totally needs 24 hour care then it won’t be me or my sister doing that. She would hate it.

I would hate it to for my kids.

Love the identify as a dog post. Hilarious

Parenthood would be hell on earth as far as I'm concerned. Much as I love my niece & nephew, just the idea of having anyone else living with me full time - especially if they're dependent on me - brings me out in a cold sweat. I'm in my mid-40s now and think I'm highly unlikely to get a last-minute fit of broodiness.

I am not interested in sacrificing my mental health & happiness now in order to have children to look after me later. If I did that I would probably be in a far worse condition later.

Well OP it’s clear it’s a cultural thing for you so fair enough. It’s not for me though. DC didn’t ask to be born so I don’t want them to sacrifice their lives for me. I’ve seen what being a long term carer does to people. I do not want that for my DC.

You think I would rather my son was wiping my arse than having a career or an education or traveling? No fucking way. I did not have my children to look after me, they have their own lives.