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Original poster

Childless women - who will look after you in old age?

357 replies

boatyface2 · 20/04/2018 16:06

If you are childless (by choice or not) or even if you have children, what's your view on this?

I've seen several threads from mums hating it and saying they wish they didn't have kids. Surely it's all good when you're young but who will look after you when you're old?

I wonder if that is why mums complain how much they hate it, yet go on to have a second and third child? And if old age wasn't a concern, why did you have children if you don't enjoy it?

OP posts:
Mrsmadevans · 20/04/2018 16:28

'DH and I have a suicide pact if it all turns to shit'
Yep us too

Catsrawesome · 20/04/2018 16:29

Oh deary me, having a child to be your child minder in old age... geezus!
The problem with your plan is ;
You could out live them
You might end up estranged from them

They might live overseas
They might only be bothered with you every once in a while
There are pleanty of people in old people’s homes that have children/ grandkids. Some people grow up have their own family/ lives and aren’t willing to drop everything for a parent.

maxthemartian · 20/04/2018 16:29

My money will look after me in my old age.
The money I didn't piss away on raising kids Grin

OverinaFlash · 20/04/2018 16:29

@bigsighall excellent idea! Grin

DontCallMeCharlotte · 20/04/2018 16:30

I'm childless (not by choice) and relatively well off. I've been grooming my adult nieces and nephews by threatening to shamelessly exploit them - or cut them out of my will if they don't look after me Grin

HildaZelda · 20/04/2018 16:31

Is that why you had children OP? As a 'guarantee' that you'll have someone to look after you in your old age? Well then you may be in for a bit of a shock if your 'plan' doesn't work out the way you wanted because your children don't agree with it.

I'm nc with my parents. Tell me OP, who's going to look after them in their old age?

Oh, and as for 'isn't going to Dignitas a bit sad?'. No, it's dignified. The clue is in the name Angry

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 20/04/2018 16:31

Yes there's Dignitas but resorting to that is somewhat.. sad?

Yep. So much sadder to live in pain and unable to do anything but be a huge emotional, physical and financial burden on the people I love.

Pasdeprobleme · 20/04/2018 16:32

I wouldn’t want my children to look after me. I wouldn’t want them to visit me out of a sense of duty either.

steff13 · 20/04/2018 16:32

I have three kids and I don't expect them to look after me in my old age. I have long-term care insurance for this reason, I expect them to put me in a long-term care facility as required.

My grandmother put herself in a facility when she decided she wasn't able to live on her own anymore. She never expected her kids to look after her. Which was good planning on her part - she had three kids and she outlived two of them and the third was disabled and barely able to care for himself.

Original poster
boatyface2 · 20/04/2018 16:32

I'm the OP

I'm a childless woman myself who is on the fence about whether to have kids. Just reread my original post and can see how it might come across like a smug person with kids lol.

I know everyone says they don't expect looking after by their kids, but come on surely everyone with kids is hoping that their kids will WANT to look after them?

OP posts:
amusedbush · 20/04/2018 16:32

I don't want kids but even if I did, I would have them just so I had someone to guilt into caring for me.

I'll put my mum in a home before I let her move in with me! Grin

amusedbush · 20/04/2018 16:33

I WOULDN'T have them*

Crinkle77 · 20/04/2018 16:33

Having kids is no guarantee that they will look after you. There are loads of elderly people whose kids leave far away or don't want anything to do with them.

Pasdeprobleme · 20/04/2018 16:33

I have actually never thought about it before until this thread.

BarefootMe · 20/04/2018 16:33

This may be a cultural thing - some cultures expect that parents will be taken care of by their children. I would never have children for that reason though.

Minniemountain · 20/04/2018 16:33

DM's parents apparently adopted her so that they would have someone to look after them in their old age. Luckily for her they died before it was necessary (she would have).

corcaithecat · 20/04/2018 16:33

Surely you'd save thousands not having children that you can then splurge in your old age? Wish I'd thought of that. Grin

Streetart · 20/04/2018 16:33

My toyboy

Ivydalegirl · 20/04/2018 16:35

It's because I love my children so much that I would hate the thought of their lives being ruined by looking after me. I don't want anyone to care for me would much rather die.

PlatypusPie · 20/04/2018 16:35

Having someone to look after me in my old age didn’t factor at all into my/our decision to have children. We wanted them, we had discussed this before we got married, we wanted to create a family. As life went on, they saw us dealing with ageing and failing parents and our DDs have said ‘ don’t worry, we will care for you when you get old’ But that isn’t a financial obligation on them ( there’s enough money) but more having someone with absolutely my/our best interests at heart.

But I’m not the posters you were talking about who didn’t like being a mother - it is a privilege and a joy and I have never wished for one moment that I did not have them.

Dollius01 · 20/04/2018 16:35

My abusive mother has four children. I highly doubt any of us will be caring for her in old age. Personally, I haven't seen her in over five years.

SaucyJane · 20/04/2018 16:35

You could ask several of my parents' friends, whose kids relocated to the other side of the world and have barely seen them since?!

SilverySurfer · 20/04/2018 16:35

What a very odd question. Who will look after me in my old age? The same person who looked after me throughout my adult life. Me.

*araiwa thanks for telling it like it is Grin

OP, if you only had children so they can care for you in old age, I really hope you aren't disappointed.

Huskylover1 · 20/04/2018 16:35

I had my kids in my 20's. No way on earth was I having any thoughts then, about who might care for me when I'm an old fart. Why would this even cross your mind when it's 60 years in the future? Confused

Minniemountain · 20/04/2018 16:36

No, I'm not OP. One of the things DH and I are saving for is our own care in old age.
MIL says she'll go to Dignitas.
DM plans to take herself off to an exposed mountain top Grin

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