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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not tell DP how baby doctor appointment went immediately?

66 replies

SparkleBuns · 20/04/2018 12:29

Genuinely not sure if I'm being unreasonable here.

Our 10 month old baby son has had a bad cold and cough last couple of days (cough for 2 weeks before that) so I took today off work and went to doctors. I emailed DP at 9am at his work telling him I'd taken day off and that DS had a doctor appointment at 10. He replied saying thanks for update.

Went to docs, got seen, all OK, out by 1020. Went to shop to get a few things in for the weekend with DS. Got home had a bite to eat then checked my emails on phone about 1130. Had three emails from DP.. First asking how it went at docs, then second asking if everything OK, then third just a load of question marks.

I replied and said everything OK. I said sorry I hadn't emailed earlier but was just in door. And also said he shouldn't worry as if anything serious ever happened id call him immediately.

He replied quite aggressively saying how would I have liked it if I was stuck at work and he didn't bother telling me how an appointment went straight away, and what was I doing that was so important I forgot to message him, and I obviously couldn't be bothered emailing him etc. I replied saying he was being unreasonable and I wouldn't respond as he was talking to me horribly. He said well I'm glad to see what you think of me and that I was being unreasonable.

OP posts:

Monke · 20/04/2018 12:30

Sounds like he was just really worried, you could have sent him a quick text immediately saying ‘all ok’

wowbutter · 20/04/2018 12:31

Wow, what a drama queen! That would have boiled my piss actually, does he not have actual work he should be doing?

ItsuAddict · 20/04/2018 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seeline · 20/04/2018 12:31

I probably wouldn't have told DH the time of the appointment to give myself a bit of room.
But yes, I would always let him know as soon as I could - just a quick text/email to say All is fine doesn't take long. I know I would be worried if it was the other way round.

Minniemannymoo · 20/04/2018 12:32

I always txt or ring DH as soon as I walk out the main entrance. He was obviously worried about your DS and wanted to know what happened. A quick txt wouldn't have taken you long.

applesisapple5 · 20/04/2018 12:33

I think you are both BU, you could have texted him straightaway to say everything was ok. He's clearly been really worried and he's taken it out on you.
Learning from this, was he more worried than he let on and you didn't realise?

Quartz2208 · 20/04/2018 12:33

He got worried and overreacted

Rainatnight · 20/04/2018 12:33

Yes, I'd always just drop DP a text as soon as we were out of the doctors. I think it can be worrying to be stuck at work, away from the 'action'.

He does sound like he was rude though. Is there anything else going on?

EdmundCleverClogs · 20/04/2018 12:37

If the situation was reversed, wouldn’t you have wanted to know what they doctor said about your baby as soon as practicably possible?

Mia1415 · 20/04/2018 12:37

I'm a single mum and even I think YABU. You should have dropped him a quick message when you were leaving the appointment.

KitKatCHA · 20/04/2018 12:39

I can see it from both sides, he was probably worried and got worked up about the length of time a simple appointment seemed to be taking and it got out of hand. If my DH knows the time of appointments I try and send a quick text on the way out of the drs.

DearMrDilkington · 20/04/2018 12:40

Yabu
He was probably really worried. It only takes 30 seconds to sent a text saying "all ok".

Original poster

SparkleBuns · 20/04/2018 12:40

Thanks all. I have emailed saying I didn't realise how worried he was and the broken sleep made it slip my mind and apologised. I do see where he is coming from.

@Rainatnight we have been through a rocky patch and he's been a bit over the top reactive like this before about things recently, which I'm keeping an eye on. It's hard though as I used to be quite snappy and unreasonable towards him before due to undiagnosed anxiety. I'm on meds for it now and am much calmer and don't react or get unreasonable anymore but it was only 6 months ago I was diagnosed so maybe he still feels a bit resentful due to that.

In this case though I recognise I've been unreasonable and apologised. Can only see how we go going forward with regards to the bigger picture

OP posts:

greensnail · 20/04/2018 12:43

I wouldn't bother telling dh until he got home from work. He knows I would let him know if there was anything to worry about. Otherwise, no news is good news.

MotherofDinosaurs · 20/04/2018 12:43

It's nice that he was worried. I always call or text DH immediately after doctors appointments just to update him. He's overreacted a bit but you can understand why. Just be pleased he's a good Dad.

GreenTulips · 20/04/2018 12:46

I never call DH unless the kids need emergency treatment

Didn't know it was a thing - he trusts me to do the right the thing -

Ginkypig · 20/04/2018 12:48

It takes a minute to txt a few words to say things ok catch you up later.

Our cat is ill and in the specialist hospital at the moment, Iv txt dp with a quick update when the vet has called so he knows and that's a cat not s child. He told me last night that he has appreciated the updates and admitted the few days before she went to the hospital he'd been checking she was still breathing each morning when he got up. Until that moment I had no idea just how worried he had been.

He didn't need to be an arse about it though.

steppemum · 20/04/2018 12:51

I think overreaction. The baby had a minor illness, if you had been really worried, taken him to A&E then maybe, but just the doctors to check up after a cold/cough?
Massive over reaction.

I think I would reassure him that if anything was actually wrong, you would of course let him know straight away. But if not, then you update at the next convenient moment, which isn;t while at the shops with a sick baby!

Rainatnight · 20/04/2018 12:54

Ah, I see. I hope it all works out, that sounds difficult. It's actually not hugely dissimilar from some stuff that's been going on with me and my DP, maybe that's why I picked up on it! Best of luck

Shednik · 20/04/2018 12:55

I would always text as soon as I was out the door and I don't even live with my children's dad. Would have done the same when we lived together.
I would expect the same from him and there's no way he wouldn't.

Why is he emailing and not texting though? Surely if you had a text from him asking how it went you wouldn't have ignored until you got home?

Juells · 20/04/2018 12:55

Both sides were a bit unreasonable. It was a cold and cough, not the end of the world, but it is very worrying when a child is at the doctor's. A quick text would have been considerate.

Kismett · 20/04/2018 12:56

I think this is the sort of thing where you can see where you struggle as a couple and agree to move forward and communicate better. I don't think anyone is really wrong here, maybe only in how you speak to each other. You could apologize and say "I'm sorry, it didn't occur to me that you might be worried. I can see why you would be and I'll update you sooner in the future." He could apologize and say "I'm sorry I didn't communicate my concern to you earlier and that I got so angry."

FirstTimeRound984 · 20/04/2018 13:06

It was just an overreaction to being worried, I wouldn't read to much into it. I'd be more concerned if he didn't want to know what happened.
My DP is like this with his older DC's, they live with their mum - shes quick enough to send us a text saying 'taking X to doctors/hospital' but then will wait until the next day to tell us he's fine. It drives DP nuts and he has been known to get arsey with her for not communicating sooner (she just 'forgets' to tell us) but for all DP knows something really serious has happened so he's driving himself mad thinking all sorts. It takes a minute to said a text to say 'all okay'. Your DP just cares about your DS health that's all. Some people see no new as good news, other's see it as 'this seems to being taking longer than I thought it would, that must mean there's something really wrong!' He obviously just expected a update from you since you decided to tell him about the appt. in the first place.

Travis1 · 20/04/2018 13:09

If he was so worried why didn't he lift the phone and call? IMO he was being over dramatic and there was no need

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 20/04/2018 13:10

I'd have let him know, how hard would it have been?

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