Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Conversation hogger!

817 replies

Banoffeematernity · 18/04/2018 20:29

A month ago I started a new baby group and the majority of mums are lovely but one mum in particular is an expert at hogging conversations. I happily listen to her stories but I can never get more than two sentences out before she talks right over me with the next thing in her head.

She does it so effortlessly and without raising her voice, and I feel like it's a contant battle to have any kind of input. I find it exhausting and end up giving up.

Anyway today she asked me if I fancied going for a coffee next week. I was exhausted again as the LO has been crabby for a few days. I politely told her that I'd rather not as I feel she talks at me rather than being interested in what I had to say and I find conversations with her a battle that leave me exhausted. I honestly think if she subs me for a traffic cone she'll have just as good a time! (I never said that though).

Was that rude of me? I honestly had no energy to think up a decent excuse. Does anyone have any self defence tips for counteracting conversation hoggers... short of screaming 'let me finish one f'ing sentence FFS!' lol

OP posts:
prideofaberdeen · 19/04/2018 17:59

OP do you have any concerns about going back to the group, and seeing her again, or knowing that other ppl might know what you said? Someone who makes a comment like that to someone without a care about what happens next is supremely confident, indeed.

PlanesOverMe · 19/04/2018 18:00

OP seriously you need to just say sorry. There is no need for you to educate her. I suspect that even after an apology you won't get more than a hello from her.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/04/2018 18:06

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AnxiousPeg · 19/04/2018 18:08

People are being just awful to OP now. I'm sure she's looking after her baby, Duck

This is one of those threads where peope just pile on and absolutely fucking go for it. Nauseating.

TacoFlavouredKisses · 19/04/2018 18:10

Got to agree with Anxious. I can see both sides here but the pile-on and trollhunting isn't right.

EllaLavella · 19/04/2018 18:10

I agree AnxiousPeg. I don't agree with the way the OP went about things but I totally agree that people who talk over others are annoying.

People are just piling on to basically bully the OP and it really isn't nice!

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 19/04/2018 18:12

#teamOP

Chatty woman was rude, you did her a favour. She'll make and hold onto friendships more if she takes the feedback on board.

I knew a woman like this from my baby group days. I quite liked it because it meant I didn't have to say anything or even really think, I just let it all wash over me.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 19/04/2018 18:17

How was the other woman rude? Talking a lot isn't rude. Annoying yes, but we're all "big girls" and can speak up for ourselves surely.

The OP is the only rude one here.

TacoFlavouredKisses · 19/04/2018 18:19

Interrupting and speaking over people is rude.

Sophisticatedsarcasm · 19/04/2018 18:19

We are all guilty of thinking of something whilst talking about something else but I would never interrupt someone else talking that’s a pet hate of mine. Just crack on and go with the flow without cutting someone off mid sentence.

Copperbonnet · 19/04/2018 18:22

I'm worried if I just apologize she may think I didn't mean it and put it down to a bad day.

I can pretty much guarantee that she knows you meant it OP and that she will never, ever forget what you said in response to a friendly invitation.

OfficerVanHalen · 19/04/2018 18:27

Maybe she mispronounces your dd’s name because she is exhausted op. Maybe she babbles because she is exhausted and loads up on caffeine. I get the inpression this thread didn’t quite go the way you hoped did it Grin —assuming of course any of this ever actually happened which seems unlikely tbh—

Anyway glad yr feeling better, for someone too exhausted to adhere to social norms you seem to have plenty of energy for being salty on the internet, you go girl

I do sometimes wonder whether the same lot of posters who seem to think this sort of carry on is cute and sassy and ballsy are the same ones who come on moaning about being excluded by ‘school gate cliques’, or ‘wendied’ in their friendship groups? Not much self awareness really.

OfficerVanHalen · 19/04/2018 18:29

Lol strike out fail oh well

Must be cos i’m tired

Daifuku9 · 19/04/2018 18:42

Definitely don’t apologize. Insincere apologies are insulting and only come across as “sorry you feel that way.”

throwcushions · 19/04/2018 18:46

I agree with everything Yorick has said. I expect this woman is crushed by what you said OP and it does not need to be said again in a nicer way.

You're better off not apologising

roboticmom · 19/04/2018 19:01

The chatterbox woman clearly doesn't catch social signals- which I'm sure people send her all the time. Or if she does notice that people don't like her she must not understand why.

In a way it's good she now knows why people are distant from her, but I like the image of you handling it like a brick to her face that a PP said.

You are socially skilled- people want to be your friend and you even started a baby group. Use those skills to lift people up!

prideofaberdeen · 19/04/2018 19:06

But did the OP start the group, or just start going to the group? I'm really hoping the latter, because if she actually started the group and then behaved like this to someone who cane along, then it takes this to a whole new level!

HoneyBadgerApparently · 19/04/2018 19:07

How do you know the woman is always interrupting? You don't sound like a reasonable person OP. Maybe you're just used to talking about yourself and this woman isn't letting you...

And what gives you the right to speak for the other mums? Have any of them actually told you they don't like her?

chocolatesun · 19/04/2018 19:10

OP I think you made a tactical error here. Ok, you don't get along with this particular Mum so declining coffee was probably the right call. But your bluntness (rudeness to some) will probably hurt your standing in the Mum group. Once word gets out that you were mean to the other (alpha?) Mum you may find yourself on the outside. If I were in your shoes I would apologise and go into damage control or risk everyone thinking you're toxic.

Bettiedraper · 19/04/2018 19:10

You did her a favour. She's probably lost more than one friend over it and wondered why people don't like her. Now she knows!

Copperbonnet · 19/04/2018 19:14

*Or if she does notice that people don't like her she must not understand why.

In a way it's good she now knows why people are distant from her, but I like the image of you handling it like a brick to her face*

Hmm

Err Robitic why do you assume that “people don’t like this woman” or that “people are distant from her”.

You have no evidence for that at all.

We know that the OP doesn’t like her but that’s all.

Plenty of people on the thread have said that they have fantastic friends who are chatterboxes.

There have even been posts from people who are naturally very quiet who actively prefer chatty people.

For all you know everyone else in the group absolutely loves her.

The fact that she invited a new member of the group out for coffee would tend to indicate at the very least that she’s a friendly and kind sort of person.

Bettiedraper · 19/04/2018 19:15

Talking a lot isn't rude.

Monopolising conversations is rude.

Daifuku9 · 19/04/2018 19:20

But did the OP start the group, or just start going to the group?

She started going to that group about a month ago. Seems the coffee lady was already part of the group.

Original poster
Banoffeematernity · 19/04/2018 19:39

Yeah, I never started the group only started going a month ago. Convo hogger has beej there longer than me.

Perhaps I can't speak on behalf of the other mums but last week a girl was in the middle of describing a suspected alergic reaction her baby had, she got as far as describing her face going puffy and rash like before convo hogger butted in with 'omg that happened to my DC' then proceeded to give all details from blue lighted ambulance to what dishes they ordered for takeaway that night after DC had been safely discharged. It ate up the rest of the session time.

The mum never did finish her story, but perhaps that was all she was going to say, baby had rash end of story.

OP posts:
seventh · 19/04/2018 19:50

My boss is like this. Every conversation comes back to her and her experiences. She has no friends. Actually none. Zero.

Of course I'm never going to tell her what I think of her. She's my boss.

But if I came across someone in my personal life who is like this, I wouldn't tell them either.

Imo it's not up to me to tell people my truth unless they ask for it.

And people like this are never going to ask to hear my truth. So I will never tell them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread