To STILL be considered odd to keep my maiden name, even though it's 2018?

[jamoncrumpets]

I married DH in 2013. I kept my surname for a number of reasons: wasn't that enamoured of DH's, feminist reasons, I just really like my own surname.

Didn't make a deal out of it at all, but did mention to family and family-in-law that I'd be keeping my name. Kept the explanation brief 'I just like my name', and left it at that.

So why am I STILL receiving post from family addressed to 'Mrs DHSURNAME'?! Even from my own DF?!

Then today I was talking to one of my aunts and she was utterly shocked that I was happy to have a different surname to my DC 'But he's your SON, how can you not want the same name, you're a FAMILY?!' - tbh it never entered my head to care! I adore my DS, and my husband, and don't feel like our name is the vital thing that links us together.

AIBU to just be a little bit fed up of having to explain myself over and over again to people?! How can I politely tell these people to fuck off?

I would have kept mine at work but as I bank with the same bank the company does I couldn't. Had to change both or none :-(

Why not none then Rhubarb?

Because I don't like my maiden name but would have been easier to keep for work

Because I don't like my maiden name

Another predominantly female trait.

I didn’t change my name. We have just received an invitation addressed “Mr and Mrs Husband’s first name Husband’s second name”. I don’t even merit my own first name, apparently.

I was so livid I ate an entire Easter egg and later, when I had ranted sufficiently at DH, an entire tin of custard, from the can, with a spoon. Since I wasn’t actually named on the invitation I assume that all the donkey work involved in accepting it, sorting out the gubbins attached to attending, gifts etc can fall to the only named attendee. Which is not me.

I have calmed down enough to buy a dress, but that’s the sum total of effort I shall submit to.

I believe it is part of the same conditioning that tells little girls they should aspire to be "Mrs xxxx" and to have a big shiny ring and to "be a princess for a day" and that the worst thing imaginable is to be "left on the shelf". What a load of old tosh. You of course are the only brave and free one.

I didn’t change my name when I was married before and am not interested in changing it next time. It’s a partnership, not a takeover bid.

Yes titty isn't it amazing how only women end up with awful unpronounceable / boring surnames that they can't wait to get rid of, but their brothers never seem to have the same problems?

So true.

This thread is making my blood boil. Its ok fir a man to propose and its ok fir women to change their name if thats what they want to do. Some do some don't. Can't people just respect others wishes and understand that we are all different? I have a little boy and am increasingly concerned by the way that men and boys are being sidelined.

"Who informed his parents?"

Itsu, I understand why you would find this an outrage, but again, it's how you look at it.
DH is partly from a culture where marriage is semi-arranged, so the families are much more involved. So it's normal for him to speak to my dad before proposing out of respect for the people who will be his new inlaws. The main thing is, it was done with the best intentions and as a pp said, "its a partnership not a takeover bid".

At least it shows he was serious and had thought things through, rather than just drifting into something. Whether you see proposing in this way as demeaning to the woman or actually respectful is a matter of opinion.

I have a little boy and am increasingly concerned by the way that men and boys are being sidelined.

Huh?

Hmmmm. How about the following:

DH is from a culture where women aren’t allowed to work or drive, have a bank account or decide where to live. Women are expected to have sex whenever their husbands want to without complaint. His culture is important to him, so I go along with it. It’s sooooooooo romantic.

Still okay?

Impressive use of non sequitur there cutebabasmummy, like it. Just the right mixture of batshit and more batshit. Incidentally, do you think none of the women whose posts you are objecting to here have sons?

That's not what I'm saying at all TittyGolightly.

I know. It’s not far off though.

I got married many years ago, and added my DH's surname to mine, no hyphen. That's confused people ever since. If I were to do it again, I wouldn't bother changing my name at all, as I really don't see the point.
For the record, our DC has the two surnames.

I must confess, having seen quite a lot of friends marry over the years (some of whom are much younger than me) that none of the women kept their surnames. Social media was full of 'last X weeks as a miss's, or, 'this time next month, I'll be a (whatever future husband's) surname.'

You could ask a man to marry you yourself. Keep your own name. He has a different name to his own kids. Have separate bank accounts. Do what you like. It's no guarantee whatsoever that he will give you any respect, no guarantee of a happy marriage, no guarantee of anything really. If anything, you are likely to think and act more like separate entities, I would say, and it's easier to split up with no consequences.

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm getting mighty uncomfortable about the fact that this thread has turned into women bashing other women about their choices. The irony is strong with this one. If we're going to get annoyed (rightly) at the patriarchal system that brought marriage naming conventions about, can we concentrate on ways to change the situation that don't involve women fighting with other women please.

For the record, I didn't change my name, would not have entertained changing my name, and would give short shrift to any man that suggested I should change my name. If someone one chooses to do differently, that's their choice.

If anything, you are likely to think and act more like separate entities, I would say, and it's easier to split up with no consequences.

That's ridiculous and patronising.

“thread has turned into women bashing other women about their choices”

Has it really?

If anything, you are likely to think and act more like separate entities

Oh fuck. 14 years since the legal ceremony and we forgot to get surgically attached to one another. Think it’s too late now?