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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what my role is

121 replies

greengreyandblue · 18/04/2018 15:41

No partner.

My friends are without any exceptions married with preschool/ks1 aged children. As a result they don’t have any time for me at all. I understand this but it still hurts.

I’m dreading the warmer spell in a way as I feel pressured to be out enjoying it but don’t know how.

I feel like life’s passing me by and I’m becoming invisible.

OP posts:
Aprilmightbemynewname · 18/04/2018 15:46

Op you need a ddog. Getting out and about with a pooch is a sure way to meet nice people!
As a ddog owner and dm I find ddog owners nicer for a quick chat than many dm's anyway.
Dog classes a sure way to meet like minded people also!

MaudlinMews · 18/04/2018 15:49

Hi OP. It's tough but you need to put yourself out there or you'll become isolated and even more lonely.

I know it can be daunting but don't think about it - just do it.

Do you have any interests? If so, follow these with a passion, join groups, try 'meetup' and if you don't have any interests, think back to when you were between the ages of eight and fourteen and pick up any hobbies you used to have and get stuck in.

Do you like festivals? live music? art? riding? sport? Just go along to some local events (google your area for what's on). How about an evening class?

I know exactly how you feel

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/04/2018 15:51

What is your thing? Travel, learning new things, volunteering, exercise?

Original poster
greengreyandblue · 18/04/2018 16:02

Thanks Smile

A dog isn’t practical - really isn’t. As lovely as they are.

The problem is that anything I might be interested in requires a higher skill level than I have. So I used to be quite arty but I don’t have the skill to join art ‘classes.’

The other problem is that say I had an art class tonight - I would go, alone, and I would go home, alone.

Weekends are awful as everything is geared around families.

I hate my life at the moment (sorry for dramatic sentence!)

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/04/2018 16:10

What would you like your role to be? What do you want to do and be?

Original poster
greengreyandblue · 18/04/2018 16:12

I think I just want to feel I belong somewhere, with someone Smile

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/04/2018 16:14

I joined art classes without much skill Wink. I was working along students preparing their art school portfolios and I loved it. I learnt loads.

I think you are lonely and making friends through a hobby can help because people are there because of the hobby not because its a family or couples thing.

MadMags · 18/04/2018 16:15

What about Park Run? You might get chatting to other walkers.

Have you tried OLD? I know it can be a cluster fuck but you never know!

Aprilmightbemynewname · 18/04/2018 16:15

Have you looked at volunteering roles where you live? Our council has a website where you apply to become one and can browse +apply online after they have checked refs. Some amazing opportunities available in our area!

Original poster
greengreyandblue · 18/04/2018 16:16

It can, but it’s more than friendship I need, especially the casual relationships that things like art classes usually lead to.

OP posts:
Soulcakequack · 18/04/2018 16:16

Do you like walking I found 20-40s rambling groups a nice way to fill an weekend when I was single. Something you dip in and out of plus most times ended with a social in pub?

Ginger1982 · 18/04/2018 16:17

Online dating?

Aprilmightbemynewname · 18/04/2018 16:17

Friendless also op, but unfortunately not arty like you - unless you count dc colouring books!!
I have dc +dh but its still very lonely, no other family or anyone to meet for a coffee +chat.

Original poster
greengreyandblue · 18/04/2018 16:18

Thank you: sorry, posts appearing at once.

I used to volunteer but I found it quite intense and to be honest it didn’t really help alleviate the feelings of isolation and loneliness. A worthy thing to do of course.

Park run is something I certainly could not do: there are probably brontosaurus’s who could run better than I can Grin

I have gained a lot of weight over the past two years, to the point where I barely recognise myself. I don’t have the confidence to date.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 18/04/2018 16:18

If it's relationship you're looking for why not join a dating site?

Trinity66 · 18/04/2018 16:19

if you're not happy with your weight why don't you focus on that, join slimming world, start going for walks/runs, get you confidence back and then join a dating site

lubeybooby · 18/04/2018 16:20

OP please don't be one of those people that dismisses all advice. You need to leave your comfort zone in order to achieve changes

Dismiss everything and carry on as you are if you want it to always be the same

himynameiss · 18/04/2018 16:21

@greengreyandblue oh honey. Join a dating site. What about a fish tank? Even if it’s just a gold fish something to look at and keep you occupied......

LML83 · 18/04/2018 16:21

I always worry my friends without kids would be bored at the zoo or softplay etc I would love their company doing kid stuff but wouldn't think to invite them. Have you made it known to your friends if your happy joining them for kid friendly activities?

Routine is also a big thing, is there a class any friends would like to do? often when something is booked it's more likely to happen.

MadMags · 18/04/2018 16:22

Park Run has walkers too and it would help you lose weight.

As PP said, slimming world would be great and you’re very likely to make friends in group, too.

onemorecakeplease · 18/04/2018 16:22

How about slimming world and then you might make pals within the group?

What do you like doing? Walking? Reading?

Original poster
greengreyandblue · 18/04/2018 16:22

Oh lubey I’m not trying to honestly! I’m just answering questions. I’m so sorry if that’s how I’m coming across Flowers

I’m trying to sort the weight thing but it really is one step forwards, two steps back! I am properly fat now, not just plump or whatever and it has hugely impacted on my confidence.

OP posts:
Trinity66 · 18/04/2018 16:22

Weekends are awful as everything is geared around families

Did you start a thread exactly like this before? That sentence is so familiar. Why are weekends geared around families? In what way?

Original poster
greengreyandblue · 18/04/2018 16:23

I don’t think so Trinity? Have I or the poster who did angered you in some way? You sound annoyed with me Blush

OP posts:
76mum · 18/04/2018 16:24

Going by your responses you will be in the same situation in 5 or 10 years time.

Stand up shake it off and decide what you want and go for it. Don't be negative about every suggestion.

So various suggestions people have made lead to casual friendships- isn't that how real friends are made ?

Park run is not just for fit people - but if weight is any issue making you feel down, change it and meet people while doing it. I was 5 stone over weight and did a couch to 5 k free course it was amazing- transformed my life. With a diet it helped me lose weight , increased my confidence, got me out of the house.

Also you say your friends haven't got 'time for you' have you bothered to make time for them and their families? The only friend who I stay in touch with joins in with family things, helps me with my children. In return my children love her and she's part of our family just as much as their aunts or uncle

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