To wonder what my role is

[greengreyandblue]

No partner.

My friends are without any exceptions married with preschool/ks1 aged children. As a result they don’t have any time for me at all. I understand this but it still hurts.

I’m dreading the warmer spell in a way as I feel pressured to be out enjoying it but don’t know how.

I feel like life’s passing me by and I’m becoming invisible.

Ugh these threads drive me nuts with oysters complaining about something but not prepared to do anything about it and putting up barrier after barrier If you don't actually want advice then don't ask for it.
Or are you the poster that's more tired than other people and can't be arsed to do anything about it? Your writing style is very similar.
People are giving up these time and experience to help and they just get shot down and you ride off on your pity horse. Does my decking head in. I'm all for sympathy and helping but you've got to want to help yourself, you know, actually make changes, but it's obvious you don't want to.

It is a pity you can't have a dog. I think that was a good suggestion. I don't think I could have a dog either, but I did some dog walking for someone recently and it was really good for me. My fitness increased. I was happier and other people walking dogs would stop for a chat.

Has anyone suggested attending a local church? It is a really good way of meeting people.

Write a book.

OP, I am in a very similar position to you (including being overweight and lacking the confidence for online dating - in my case way more than 2st). I recently joined a sports club and am loving it. It not only fills the time that I’d be sat at home by myself, it also gets me out in the fresh air. I can’t recommend it highly enough.

Where people who post/behave like this most need help is in getting rid of their mindset of resentful entitlement, TBH. What they appear to want is for other people to welcome them, immediately become their best friend or true love, prioritise them, give them attention... while offering nothing in return but whining. Other people don't owe love or friendship or company to someone who is constantly whining and displays no interest in the lives of others and no willingness to participate in anything or help anyone else.

Yes, it's easy to become whiny when you are depressed and/or have a physical condition that is making you lethargic and miserable. But the more you whine, the more you push people away. If you have got yourself trapped in this mindset, you need professional help to get out of it. It can be done, but you have to take the first steps yourself.

If not a dog, what about a cat?

And definitely try a hobby and also OLD. Theres loads to do out there. And even if you do come home alone in the immediate term you might be happier with the peace and quiet having done other stuff.

Tying Gordon has a mental health running group in London?

You can be utterly crazy, a bit sad or just like a run. It’s about inclusiveness and friendship for Londoners who feel isolated

I go to Zumba it is so fun and all ages and fitness go. It’s a great way to lose weight and there are loads of friendly people.
If you lose the weight would you want to try OLD? Not that you have to as all sizes of people find love, but if it makes you feel more confident.
Or if you joined a weight loss programme you might meet someone there.

I think people need to give it up already with 'the OP's posted this before'.

It's more than likely different people....?

I agree, I've seen this thread before, but it doesn't mean it's the same OP.

Maybe the sort of people who literally aren't open to any suggestions need to have a think about why their life is turning out so unsatisfactorily. and any possible linkages between same.

There are so many things I think I'd love to do, if only I didn't have family responsibilities, and my time sucked away by all of those.

One thing I did do, was join a beginners' art class, with zero painting ability at all.

I loved it. But sadly don't get ANY time to actually do it.

Good luck, OP.

@ReanimatedSGB I think you are very harsh on the OP. She’s clearly struggling. Wonder if you’ve ever been single for a long time?! It’s not entitlement to feel like the odd one out because everyone you know is coupled up.

You sound depressed.

You say you can't do any of these things basically because you don't feel confident enough too. Your attitude is stopping you and your attitude is caused by serious low self esteem.

Sometimes you focus on the external things to fix the problem but they're not the problem. There are many ppl childless at your age who are very happy about it and living life to the full.

I suggest start with therapy and work on weight loss. The rest will come once your confidence improves.

Any chance the character assassination could stop? This fat whiny arse without any friends because all she does is whine when they aren’t coming to her has to get to work

Bore off OP

I know lots of people have suggested volunteering which you've already done, and someone has suggested getting a dog which you can't do! I would seriously consider though volunteering for dog walking at your local shelter. I find being around animals so good for my mental health, you're doing exercise, you'll meet people, you're doing something worthwhile...

This obviously only applies if you actually like dogs though!

It's very hard to want to help someone who consistently pushes people away and rejects every single piece of advice they're given.

If you're not willing to change how you live your life, you'll always feel the same. Change has to come from you. If you refuse to do anything different, why would things get any better?

OP, why not text a friend and ask them to go for a bite to eat or to the cinema or something this weekend?

Maybe start off with a sort of routine on the weekends? Like “on Saturday mornings I go to the coffee shop up the road”. Nothing huge, no club memberships required, just little things that take up an hour or two and are things that single people do all the time. I think you need to be kind to yourself and treat yourself like a friend - take yourself out for a walk, for a coffee or to the cinema. If you take a book or a podcast then you’ve got something you’re doing that can distract you from people watching. Good luck OP and I hope you feel more happy and confident soon!

OP, you sound completely stuck in a rut. There's been so much great advice - and taking the first step is scary - it's bloody terrifying trying something new- the first class/event of anything is probably going to feel nerve-wracking
However, if you want change, if you want to do more/be more, you have to firstly be brave.
You know what you want - to lose weight, to make friends, to do stuff. Once you address one part of this, I think it'll all fall into place. Don't overwhelm yourself - start small. See if there's a slimming club nearby and just drop in. Have a look. That's one thing achieved. Keep going. Talk to people- similar interests. Lose weight. Do stuff.
I know you can do this because I've had to do this and you can do it.

As a poster up thread said, slimming world. Great to get out have a coffee and a chat with people. What about your local running club? You won’t be expected to run 10k straight away beginners go to

I expect someone has already said this - I haven't read the whole thread - but doesn't it occur to anyone that the thread feels familiar because there are more than a few different posters who feel that weekends are geared to families? I've had several friends say something very similar.

Op would your friends go out to pubs with you to possibly be able to meet single men? Even though they are all married with kids I’m sure they would want to help their friend find someone too