To wonder what my role is

[greengreyandblue]

No partner.

My friends are without any exceptions married with preschool/ks1 aged children. As a result they don’t have any time for me at all. I understand this but it still hurts.

I’m dreading the warmer spell in a way as I feel pressured to be out enjoying it but don’t know how.

I feel like life’s passing me by and I’m becoming invisible.

Posted too soon.
So OP you're not alone, and I can totally understand why things feel so out of your reach right now.
Maybe start with one little target, if your weight is putting you off dating start with that. If money isn't tight look at joining weight watcher or slimming world groups, what about healthy cooking classes? Join classes at the gym, often the same people go to the same one each week, maybe you can start up a conversation before or after class and meet up to use gym equipment or go for a walk with them.
Don't aim to do everything at once, you sound overwhelmed and really low at the moment. Look for positives in yourself. You are an independent adult, you have a job and an income. You have free time. You are the right side of 40 (not that 40 is old!) so still time to turn your life around.

I do Vlad - it’s not about not wanting to change anything but rather it’s about feeling so bloody awful that in a way I’m beyond that. Anyway, I really didn’t intend to piss anyone off.

You don't need any specific level of skill to join an art class. My mother started drawing and painting from zero after she retired, and she got quite good at it. And I have a friend who volunteers for NT and also similar activities like forest planting, she is a single woman, has been doing it for years, and does all sorts of fascinating things. Walking groups are often quite sociable and have a mix of couples and singles. You don't have to be fit, find a group with walks at a level that suits you. In fact my brother (asthmatic and not slender) met my SiL at a walking group.

Though to be honest (and you'll hate me for saying it!) it really is sounding more and more as if you might need counselling. The weight gain and loss of confidence and feeling of not belonging and the sense that it's not worth doing any of the positive things that you could do, really do sound as if you are properly depressed.

I think maybe you should go to the Dr’s to make sure you are not depressed! They could even refer you to counselling. You sound very defeatist.

Perhaps signing up with the likes of
www.girlcrew.com/girlcrew-groups-united-kingdom/
This is really a superb way to meet new people, and do the stuff you like to do or to branch out into new hobbies

Stop going on about annoying people! Not one person has said that you’re annoying them!

Are you a bit self-pitying in general?

www.meetup.com

Lots of activities there with opportunities to meet people. Have a look at your local community centres & libraries for for talks, clubs & concerts.

Go back to college or university as that's another way to meet people.

Volunteer at a local charity or community organisations, again another way to meet people.

Thing is I’ve done all of that. I do have friends, quite a lot of friends, as it happens. Thanks.

OP have you tried hiking? I'm single, with most of my friends being paired up, and I regularly join hiking/trecking groups especially around spring/summer (I think another posted also mentioned it above). It's great for fitness but you don't particularly have to be in peak physical condition for most of them, just be able to walk for a few hours. I find that most people who join in these groups are also there solo so you never feel out of place and it allows you to enjoy the lovely weather outdoors and also meet some lovely people who share similar hobbies. Plus the views from a summit are incredible no matter how small the peak!

Hi OP, you really don't have to be a size 8 to date.
Are you religeous at all ? It appears that some of these modern day churches, really are like a family to some people. They hold lots of events etc, some have drop in cafe's.
Why not join a walking group, that's a great suggestion, from up thread.
The thing is, once you get going, you will meet lots of people, through others that you meet, it has a knock on effect.
If you enjoy art, go along. Knit and natter maybe, or stitch and bitch ! 😂
Time waits for no-one, get out there. Go on a singles holiday, you have to be in it to win it OP.💐🍷

Rather a lot of slightly unkind comments on here - the OP needs support, not put-downs.

Sorry OP, sometimes AIBU is like this. I know this is going to sound like a tired old cliche but maybe you might feel a lot better about things if you can spend time outdoors now the good weather is here. You'll top up your vitamin D, sleep better and feel more refreshed, and after a while, taking on a new hobby or challenge won't seem so daunting as it does now.
If you feel perpetually down in the dumps, maybe see your gp to rule out any medical cause?

Maybe consider counselling. You say you "can't" do a lot things like date or classes you're interested in when that simply not true. Anyone can date. And you won't gain the art skills you need by not going to a class. You maybe seem afraid to try? Afraid of rejection or it not being perfect? Another option might be a humanist church that is more focused on the community rather than any dogma etc. That might help with the feeling of belonging.

Hi - i know you said you had found volunteering quite intense but there are lots of different roles - how about a shift at your local library?

Evening classes? The whole point of them is to teach you a skill, they don't expect you to arrive with one.

Gym/exercise classes? Running group?

If you are overweight, would second slimming world or something similar?

I was like this a few years ago, had friends but they were always busy with their lives, felt like I never used to leave the house!

I had been single most of my life and had come to peace with the fact that I would be single forever (I'm 41 now - this was 4 years ago) I was overweight and consider myself just average looking so didn't think it was going to happen. However the loss (metaphorically) of my best friend and the fact that I couldn't see an end to it I forced myself to do something about it. I made myself persevere with OLD and met someone eventually. We're now engaged.

I know it doesn't work this way for everyone but it CAN happen. If you write an honest advert and weed your way through the multiple idiots you never know...

This OP has definitely posted about this before under a different name. Exactly the same topic and defeatist style of response, "yeah but"ing until people get frustrated and then cringing and saying how it proves their point how useless they are. I feel like these posts are started with the intention of drawing a verbal beating, to fulfil the OP's need to feel like a victim. And OP, if that's the case, and if you're not just on the wind up, you really need to seek help for your depression. You have the power to change your life, you just lack the ability to make the change because you are too miserable to see the way forward.

I think the first thing to do is see your GP for a general check up. You do sound depressed and negative, and this may be something as straightforward as a physical issue which can be sorted out. If everything's OK physically then look into some counselling. Because, right now, judging by your responses to all the suggestions offered, you are not in the right state of mind to make new friends or change your life, and could probably do with specific support. (The only people likely to enthusiastically befriend a miserable person are best avoided TBH - they will either be trying to sell you something, or their intentions will be harmful in some way).

I really haven’t I regret posting it now, seriously ... I have apologised so many times now and what do you want me to say? I am sorry.

I’m honestly not miserable - well, I am today - but anyway. just sometimes I get a bit morose and introspective. The sun does it to me.

Ennirem Yeah i really thought it sounded familiar especially that phrase about weekends being geared towards families

Thing is I’ve done all of that.

Do you mean you've done counselling and anti-depressants? In that case you might need another round. Anyway, take care of yourself

I really haven’t Trinity

I don’t think you should dismiss classes or the likes as even if you go alone and go home alone it gives your week structure.

I was single for quite a long time and did writing classes and a choir. I also had a PT. Maybe didn’t make any lifelong friends but it gave my week structure.

Rock choir is great - what about it?

You don’t need to be an amazing singer or audition for it.

No, I have done the whole meetup and volunteer and all that. Look I’m going to dereg. Sorry. I’m a shit.

It does seem very familiar.

No, I have done the whole meetup and volunteer and all that.

Then maybe give counselling a try. You don't have to be this unhappy.