To wonder what my role is

[greengreyandblue]

No partner.

My friends are without any exceptions married with preschool/ks1 aged children. As a result they don’t have any time for me at all. I understand this but it still hurts.

I’m dreading the warmer spell in a way as I feel pressured to be out enjoying it but don’t know how.

I feel like life’s passing me by and I’m becoming invisible.

I get where you are coming from, as a 41 yr old Singleton with no kids.

I would love a boyfriend & I feel really broody!!

Luckily (unluckily for them) my younger sister & one of my best mates are in a similar situation so they are understanding & my mates with young children do make time for me.

I have a shy rescue cat for company at home but don't especially like dogs. I work part time shifts so doing classes is difficult.
At least I have a sort of social life & my family are close but it is shit going home in your own at times.

I agree you need to be confident for dating - I'm not!!

It is really hard to put yourself out there.

Of course they're geared around families, Trinity! You try as a single woman to arrange to meet your married friends at the weekend, then come back and tell us otherwise.

I don’t think so Trinity? Have I or the poster who did angered you in some way? You sound annoyed with me

No they didn't anger me and I'm not annoyed I just don't know what you mean by "geared towards families" like how do you mean?

I make time for my friends but realistically I understand that their time is precious. They have their spouses, children, parents, siblings, work and other friends. I only have work really occupying my time from the above list.

Thank you Hollow Sorry if I sounded a bit sensitive Trinity

I suppose things such as going for a walk - I can’t help but notice everyone is there with their own families and it makes me feel quite lonely and sad.

There are plenty of people at Park run who just walk it. Then progress to walk /jog/walk.
or crossfit which is much more social than a gym and very supportive of new starters often with large amounts of weight to lose and zero skill or experience.

What about meetup.com?

I think whatever way you choose to go you are going to have to be quite strategic about it. Im going to recommend a book called how to doeverything and be happy by Peter Jones. It will help you identify how you want your life to be and how to plan your strategy to get it that way.

Of course they're geared around families, Trinity! You try as a single woman to arrange to meet your married friends at the weekend, then come back and tell us otherwise.

I didn't understand what she meant by that, I was just asking what she meant, bloody hell. So geared towards family means "my friends won't meet up because they have family"? I thought she meant there was nothing for people without families to do at the weekends which obviously isn't true.

Loads of things you can do. I’m single and 36, my kids are teens (had them early) so I have lots of time to myself.

I walk a lot, I do photography, I go to the gym (it’s not all skinny people and muscular men), I online date and I socialise a little through work. I hardly ever get bored, always find things to do and places to go.

You can voulenteer to help the national trust, local nature reserves and RSPB, doing things like planting trees or clearing areas for wildlife.

Well possibly but I just don’t feel I could - I know from social media it leans towards families anyway (a few of my friends with young children do it.)

I struggle Trinity but to be honest it’s not just about finding things to do. It’s about feeling you have a purpose that is meaningful and feeling you are loved and needed and at the moment, I don’t.

Would you like a family, op? A partner, and/or children?
For me I have a DD through donor IVF. I feel I 'belong' in a way and although it isn't really the life I envisaged (wanted the partner too!) It is the next best thing for me. I feel it has given me a passport to family life.
I'm not saying this is for you, but I think you need to actively pursue the life you want, and think of what you can do rather than what you haven't got. If you are happy single - and why not? - then look for meet up groups where you are likely to meet like minded souls. Group travel holidays are good for this too. For me, joining online forums (like MN but smaller!) based on my interests have led to real life meet ups and good friends.
If you would like a partner you could try OD, though I am no expert as it didn't work for me (but then I was obsessed with an unsuitable man at the time so it didn't stand much of a chance). There are lots of routes to meet someone these days, but of course it isn't easy.
I had - have - a lot of coupled up friends with kids and some not. My real friends I have known for nearly 25 years and we all accept each other for who we are - a singleton, 1 married with 3 kids, 1 living with partner and 2 kids, 1 divorcee and 1 lesbian 😁

I think you need to change you attitude, things are not just going to come to you, you need to go out and find them. Only you can change the way things are. It doesn’t sound like you really want to try anything? If your weight is a problem then it’s a great way to start getting out and meeting people, join slimming world, join the gym, join some walking groups, no one will judge you as there are many people in a similar situation. Park run isn’t just for families, a lot of single people of all ages go including OAP’s who walk it and chat along the way. Life is what you make it, it’s not all about being with someone, my life’s so much more exciting being single.

I think if I had more single friends I’d find it easier to be honest. Don’t know how to find them, though

Why don't you get a gym membership OP? You could use the gym, go swimming or attend exercise classes. I know quite a few people who have met their partner at the gym.

And are there people you're friends with at your workplace? Or could you make some friends either at work or at some kind of hobby classes? If you make some friends who also don't have children, you could go on nights out/dinners and hopefully build your confidence and maybe meet a partner.

Your friends don't necessarily have to be single OP. There are plenty of people out there with partners who also like to go out with friends and have a good time.

Bring this is quite embarrassing but I have one! I hate going so much I hardly ever do though (I do know that I’m in a terrible cycle here.)

Where are you? What do you enjoy doing?

I moved back to London a couple of years ago and found that many of the people I used to know had moved on - either in terms of having young families or having left London (how dare they!) Over a gloomy drink one evening, a friend who was probably fed up of me being gloomy challenged me to Year of Yes - I had to spend a year saying Yes to any suggestion of something to do, including joining Meet Up and committing to go along to the first activity which came up as suggested for me on a given day.

It was a fucking ball of a year! I have never had so much fun. I did stuff I never thought I could possibly enjoy doing, and some of it I indeed didn't enjoy much - but my motto was I was either going to get a great experience out of it, or a great story to tell. And that's exactly what I got, as well as a couple of great new friends and dozens of new acquaintances.

If you're in London or the South East - PM me 🙂 We can hang out, I'm awesome!

others have mentioned Parkrun - and I will recommend it, too. You can walk it. Even better, you could be part of the volunteering team (without them, parkrun doesn't happen). I have completed 150+ parkruns, there are some members of the volunteering team that have never participated in parkrun but are very valued members of the community. It doesn't have to be parkrun but you will not change things if you don't venture out of your comfort zone and start showing up where other people are.

Contesse, rhe problem with that is that I literally never get asked to anything except playgroup

I don’t mean I’m friendless. On the contrary as I am posting this my phone is buzzing - but it’s just I’ve been left behind somewhere.

So far you've shot down every piece of advice as far as I can tell.

Look. You're 37 and you're lonely. You sound distinctly unhappy that you don't have a partner or children or friends to do things with at the weekend.

If you want to be a mum, look into becoming a mum on your own. IVF, fostering, adoption ...

If you want a partner, start online dating or asking relatives to introduce you to people.

If you want friends, find some weekend hobbies. The park run/walk is a very good suggestion. Join a local running/walking group first, as they tend to meet up weekly or more to do their thing. I can also suggest sailing: find a local sailing club and join it. Learn to sail. Sailors are nice and will have instructional courses and you will make instant friends to sail with at the weekends.

If you're worried about your weight and exercise, look at it this way: you will be 40 in 3 years. You can still be where you are, fat and unhappy, or you can get out there now and start to do something about it, while making friends along the way.

Look, I am clearly pissing people off and that’s not what I’m trying to do at all. But I can’t follow a lot of this advice. I can’t online date because realistically no one would want to know. I can’t foster because I have a full time job. I can possibly do some of the other things but I’m not sure they would change my life in the way it needs changing. In short, I think I am a waste of space at the moment and it seems mumsnet agrees!

I feel lucky in that I have a DP and family that I could spend time with but I don't have much in common with my family and it just feels like bitching about each other which I don't want to be part of or kid stuff.
I too would love to meet some friends, I try at work or by joining courses but it just doesn't seem to happen for me, most people my age have or are having kids. I too am overweight and low in confidence, I can't run (health and weight issues) and am trying to push myself into doing more things on a limited budget.

I've read so many similar posts on MN about people being lonely or friendless but so far not found a clear way of making friends or other relationships (not that I'm looking for that).
I think I'm probably just a boring person, I don't really have any hobbies or strong interests. But I'd like a friend to go for walks with, meet for a coffee etc.

I do have that but even if I could pin down one of my friends on a Saturday or Sunday it’s a couple of hours. There’s still the rest of the day to fill!

It seems to me you don't really want to change anything significant in your life. You have shot down every suggestion. If you just fancy a moan then have at it but don't be alarmed if you're still in the same position this time next year.