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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Calm me down please

117 replies

Doh9899 · 18/04/2018 08:29

Boyfriend has had a party last night at his flat, fair enough, I knew it was happening. 2 couples, one married one not and his best friend went so 6 people (I couldn't go for various reasons but not an issue). They also were going to be doing some light drugs which I don't at all condone (one reason for not going) but as boyfriend and I are engaged he wanted one last night of being an idiot. He rang me up last night saying how randy he was and wanted me to come over, clearly not himself and so i spoke to his sober friend and it was pretty clear my partner was the worst off out of them all and they were trying to look after him and I could hear my partner in the background wanting the phone back saying how he loved me and told his friends we were engaged (was a secret). I agreed with his friends that my partner needed to sleep off what he'd taken as he couldn't understand why he could hear me but I wasn't there (on the phone obviously) and we arranged they'd have his phone until they left and he could call me any time after 5:30 this morning. Now I've been awake since 4:30 waiting for him to tell me he's ok but Im now worried that he may have skyped his ex because I feel that she's prettier than me after I hung up and my phone isn't even connecting when I try to call him. So please Mumsnet. Convince me hes asleep (he's also an insomniac so sleeps in late) but convince me he's not a cheat. He and his mates said how he adores me so I know I'm being paranoid but I'm still concerned

OP posts:
Raven88 · 18/04/2018 08:33

He may have slept at the friends and they didn't want to disturb you as it's late

RJnomore1 · 18/04/2018 08:33

And your reasons for plannning to marry this fuckeit you don't trust are?

Dangerousmonkey · 18/04/2018 08:33

Why is the engagement a secret? Why don't you trust him?
If he's been on drugs he's probably asleep, crashing and a bit of a wreck.
It doesn't look good.

Gingernutsandtea · 18/04/2018 08:34

Him cheating should be the last concern of yours. What about the drug taking? Why are you preparing to saddle yourself with someone who takes drugs?
My advice, end this relationship. You're wasting your time with this one.

Scoogle · 18/04/2018 08:35

Gosh. I agree he's probably asleep. on a separate note, I wouldn't marry him.

FlyingElbows · 18/04/2018 08:36

He's asleep. He's not cheated on you.

How's does me, a random from the Internet, saying that help you in any way?

Bluntness100 · 18/04/2018 08:37

This is quite a leap to be honest.

Why when he was wankered do you automatically assume he'd cheat? I think this fundamentally shows you don't trust him. However what we don't know is if this is due to low self esteem (probably as you claim you think she's "prettier" ) or if he has ever done anything to make you think he'd go back to his ex given half a chance?

Shedmicehugh1 · 18/04/2018 08:37

What makes you think his ex gf would want to Skype with someone who is off their head on drink and drugs?

user1493413286 · 18/04/2018 08:38

Why are you worried he’d call his ex? Is that what he’s done before? I’m a bit confused about the jump from him being off his face to calling her?
I’d say he’s sleeping it off.

RunMummyRun68 · 18/04/2018 08:39

Run for the hills.... there's no happy ending here

A party in a Tuesday night? No it was just a drug taking session

Mississippilessly · 18/04/2018 08:40

I'm sorry if this is way out of line but if that is your first thought should you be marrying him? i wouldn't marry anyone that did drugs (jut personal preference) but if I had done I would imagine at this point I wouldn't be worried as I knew they were safe - that would be my main concern.

Are you sure about this marriage? Why are you keeping you engagement a secret?

glsgow107 · 18/04/2018 08:42

Tell him to fuck off. And grow up. Don't marry him. Are you a teenager?

AgentProvocateur · 18/04/2018 08:42

He sounds like a keeper - an untrustworthy druggie Hmm Surely you could do better than that.

Heismyopendoor · 18/04/2018 08:42

You think the ex is prettier than you? Genuine question, how old are you?

KirstenRaymonde · 18/04/2018 08:43

Are you really young? I’m not sure how you’re leaping from ‘he’s a bit smashed and going to sleep’ to ‘he’s Skyping his ex who I think is prettier’. This makes no sense.

Doh9899 · 18/04/2018 08:43

Sorry if it's not clear, I do trust him completely, I've just been cheated on before and im overeating I know. I know logically he's asleep but that instant pang of what-if fear still hits

OP posts:
Skinnyboneylittlepony · 18/04/2018 08:44

People don’t just do ‘one last binge’.

It will then be just a binge to celebrate the new house/baby/promotion so you’ll be dealing with life and kids with someone who occasionally disappears on benders doing god knows what.

LIZS · 18/04/2018 08:44

Why are you so insecure as to immediately assume he has cheated? Are you also part of his group of friends doing drugs, drinking hard midweek? He's probably sleeping it off but if just one instance triggers distrust then agree this is not going to make you happy long term. Are you all very young?

Doh9899 · 18/04/2018 08:44

I'm late 20's early 30's and we were keeping it a surprise until next week when our families get together

OP posts:
Shedmicehugh1 · 18/04/2018 08:45

I assume he doesn’t work?

PlanesOverMe · 18/04/2018 08:46

Are you sure about wanting to marry this guy?
Sounds like it could be hard work tbh. Hope you hear from him soon with an apology.

qwertyuiopy · 18/04/2018 08:46

Are you ashamed of being engaged to him?

He doesn’t sound a very nice person tbh.

FizzyWizzyFlash · 18/04/2018 08:47

You shouldn't get married.

You're insecure and he's an idiot.

brokeForYou · 18/04/2018 08:47

Why jump to him cheating on you? Even when he'd taken whatever he was declaring his love for you.

Drug-taking is a separate issue. I've tried most party drugs and enjoyed them. Acid was a bit much for me.I've always been employed and successful and stopped when it was time (soon after getting engaged, just finished my PhD).

Ignore people who think anyone who would take drugs besides alcohol must not be worth marrying. "saddle yourself"?

Laiste · 18/04/2018 08:48

Right. Honestly I thought you were going to say you're all late teens.

we arranged they'd have his phone until they left and he could call me any time after 5:30 this morning

This bloke needs his phone taking off him for the night why? I'm a bit confused tbh.

Leopards rarely change their spots OP. You need to work on your insecurity and find someone who doesn't spend week nights pissed up and high.

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