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for being a SAHM

492 replies

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 13/05/2007 10:12

i am a SAHM because
I have a severely disabled child. I have to be on call 24/7 as she also has epilepsy/
Dh is happy for me to be a SAHM and we manage finacially.
apart from respite we have no one to help if she is ill or in the school hoildays.

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 17/05/2007 16:08

Actually I think yummy and alpha differ. I associate yummmy with sitting in coffee bars engaged in idle chatter rather than running the country. I doubt an alpha could stand the company of a yummy for more than about 5 minutes.

yellowrose · 17/05/2007 16:26

Oh god, xenia, your stereotypes of other mothers is quite amazing and so very cartoon-like as always.

How does a so-called feminist manage to spend so much of her time stereotyping other mothers ?

It does betray some serious underlying complexes and uber-competition with other mothers/women.

toomuchtodo · 17/05/2007 16:35

so Xenia do you run the country now?

toodamnfreaky · 17/05/2007 16:45

Xenia, why the hell did you have kids if you don't like talking/ spending time with any of them? Seriously, why? You sounds as if you are totally defined by your job (now that IS dull!).

Interestingly NONE of the child development experts would agree with you that a child is better off away from a loving mother figure in the first 18 months of life. NONE of them. Buying a kid the lastest toy doesn't make them feel secure and truly loved, if you think that you are falling victim to the marketing men who want you to think that and guess what, it's not real, they just want to make money!

Did your Mother stay at home and look after you?

And to the woman who started this thread - don't take crap from anyone, you're doing the right and most loving thing!

2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan · 17/05/2007 16:52

toodamnfreaky thanks

OP posts:
Justaboutmanaging · 17/05/2007 17:07

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yellowrose · 17/05/2007 18:00

toomuch - lol !

yes apparently if you earn £100,001 + you get to run the country - i.e. any less makes you a complete failure and presumably you would then be called a "Zeta" or "Omega" Mummy (what is the last letter of the Greek alphabet ?)

Only Alpha mummy's can run country

Judy1234 · 17/05/2007 18:14

It's just a bit of fun, these titles. I'm sure God looks at the good we do, not whether we can fit into size 10 jeans and dress well.

Many many children would not be better with mothers and fathers who find it hard to look after under 5s. Loads of children have parents back at work early on and the children are absolutely fine and other chidlren suffer because they are home with mothers who just can't cope.

You have chosen to live in a society where certain things perhaps wrongly are feted - like money, status, position, power. It's how these societies work but many people simply opt out, don't read the awful magazines, live their own lives perfectly happily or even form their own communes or groups or take sustenance from their church being amongst those who share the values that you have.

Justaboutmanaging · 17/05/2007 19:38

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artishoo · 17/05/2007 19:54

Xenia i didnt mind your posts until i read that alpha mummy crap. You dont really mean that do you?, with your education etc I mean even to like the word 'mummy' in that context is letting yourself down. Its ironic or whatever right?
But then you have a definition for it??
So I have a friend who is a very successful artist, gets paid £100k plus per painting easy, sells quite a few a year, has 4 kids, looks really fabulous, is very respected obviously, but doesnt work full time. Surely she gets the 'best alpha woman award'? She gets to spend as much time as she likes with her beautiful children and has at no point succumbed to the rat race to do so.
So why is working 'full time' so fabulous?, when if you're clever you can earn LOADS working for LESS time?

Judy1234 · 17/05/2007 20:03

She probably would be alpha on that basis then.

On the fed up at home point I think it depends. I just can't stand 10 hours with 3 under 5s. I hate it, I really do whenever I've done it and I've done it plenty over 22 years. 2 hours is fine. But presumably some parents someone below is suggesting can't spend any time with their chidlren happily. That's sad if the other parent can't either. Some women and some men can't have their chidlren alone - they need the other partner there for support. I don't even think it's a gender thing - aplies to men or women. I don't think that's always a problem and then separately some people are clinically depressed and whatever they do isn't going to help whether work or not work.

Judy1234 · 17/05/2007 20:04 on "mummy" perhaps I need to add a class element to to my description. You need may be the accent as well and you certainly don't use the word mum... ugh...

veruccasalt · 17/05/2007 20:08

I work as I need the money - end of. I prefer to work part-time so I can fit in my daughter's schedule but sometimes it's not always possible and I work long hours sometimes (today being an example so someone else took my dd to Rainbows after having collected her from school). I have to say that were I to stop at home and not work then I would probably be carried out of the house kicking and screaming as I find part of my psyche is satisfied from the skills and talents I've developed at work being used at work. They're not superior or inferior to the parenting skills I use at home, just co-existing.

We wouldn't expect (well I wouldn't) our children not to go to school so why do we sometimes assume that parents mustn't work? Our children spent 6 hours a day in school being educated (one hopes) and it's good that they see their parents working to bring in the money for life's essentials. Childcare is like shoes - one size doesn't fit all.

lucyellensmum · 17/05/2007 20:29

blimey, is this still droning on, i think Xenia is struggling to get her point across

MamaMaiasaura · 17/05/2007 20:41

oh dear oh dear. Xenia you are really digging yourself a very deep hole. I feel i must agree with my dp's earlier posting.

I expect you feel some sense of fulfilment/superiority over the other parents here who disagree with your views. Or perhaps it is evidence of a narcisistic personality? What ever it is that is driving you I feel quite sorry for you. I think being supportive of others life choices is far better than stereotyping and dismissing parents who choose to stay at home with their children.

I like the philosophy I have heard which is you work to live not live to work. I have enjoyeed working but I thoroughly love being a parent with all its aspects. Sometimes it isnt easy but nothing in life is.

JeremyVile · 17/05/2007 20:45

Xenia, please dont feel the need to impress us.
I have a sneaky feeling that in RL you're a very down to earth, cuddly (in every sense of the word ,wonderful hippy mumma.
I know you're kids must be getting on a bit but you're still BFing aren't you?...... you are...i just know it!!
Oooh you're just too cute....wanna give you a big huggy wuggy!
And dont be too hard on yourself, i'm sure your estate, whilst perhaps not being the private, gated one you aspire to, is one of the nicest in the area.

Judy1234 · 17/05/2007 20:45

Why do you think I feel superior? I said the alpha mummy stuff was a game and people intrinsic worth is the good they do. I'm no better than anyone else.

artishoo · 17/05/2007 20:45

hmmm im sure she'll be chuffed . Not really, she would think it far beneath her to consider such stereotypes. Regardless of class using the words 'mum' or 'mummy' attached to the word alpha - without cringing - makes the person using it look like a bit of a div imo. Otherwise work or no work, not really bothered what other people decide...

Judy1234 · 17/05/2007 20:46

Anyone who says the UK doesn't have class division is totally blind. That doesn't mean it's right but it's a fact. Sometimes it works for and sometimes against you and often it doesn't matter but it is significant and in most cultures too. Why would anyone say mum? It just sounds dreadful. Mummy is much cosier, normal, nice.

MamaMaiasaura · 17/05/2007 20:47

if you truely feel u are no better tahn anyone else why make comments like you have been on this thread?

Elasticwoman · 17/05/2007 20:53

Awen, pls give specific example. Xenia makes a lot of comments, which one(s) were you thinking of?

artishoo · 17/05/2007 20:58

I didnt say there wasnt class division, i didnt say mum was better. Mummy is great for normal everyday use by children. I just said that using the words alpha mummy as an adult, and believing in it, makes you sound like a nutcase.

MamaMaiasaura · 17/05/2007 21:03

These 2 particulary jump out, but the whole Alpha MUmmy thing is ludicrous. The corralation being that the alpha female of a wolf pack is the only one allowed to breed and all the other females care for her young. To imply that there is a minority of females who are 'alpha mummys' imply that they alone should have offspring whoch should be cared for by the other females. Complete hogwash.

Xenia's quotes:

'as I've said before there's almost a duty to put other women above your own children even if you think it's better for your children to be home particularly if you're working in a good job'


'For me it's not an issue at all because I think children actually can be better served by a working mother than one at home so in fact you're doing your best for them by leaving them with someone else so it's not even a debate for me. it's a closed book, settled argument, not even neutral might be okay to work or okay at home but on a balance of most things better to work. So I don't even need the mental debate over it'

Justaboutmanaging · 17/05/2007 21:08

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Justaboutmanaging · 17/05/2007 21:23

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