for being a SAHM

[2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan]

i am a SAHM because
I have a severely disabled child. I have to be on call 24/7 as she also has epilepsy/
Dh is happy for me to be a SAHM and we manage finacially.
apart from respite we have no one to help if she is ill or in the school hoildays.

[bumposaurus]

Gosh - have not read all of the posts so sorry if I offend anyone, but is the debate of SAHM vs. WOHM mother not a rather pointless and undermining one? We all have to do what we think is right for us, and sometimes what circumstances force on us, regardless of our personal wishes?

For what its worth, I think the OP is making the right choice by being a SAHM. MY personal story is that I took a voluntary redundancy from a multinational while pregnant with DS2 so that I could pursue other interests at home and be there for the kids until they were in full time school. My ex Dh then left for a woman at work before DS2's birth. I had no job, and because he was the kind of jerk who would leave a pregnant woman, he gave us no money. We survived on my redundancy pay for a while, then I had no choice but to get a full time job. As a result of that, we now have a decent quality of life and I know that I am being the best mummy I could be by providing for the kids. But I still find it difficult to read some of these posts which imply that I am failing them by not being at home full time. For some of us there is no choice - can't we all be a bit more accepting, and realise that indivdual choices are based around a heap of personal circumstances?

[Judy1234]

bump, just read me then, not them because I'm saying it's better for children if the mother works, not just an acceptable compromise or okay if you really have to be but beneficial.

We rarely see that written which is why it seems to irritate stay at homers so much as if the press censors itself for fear of upsetting their feelings and yet written all the time is people voicing views there is some nirvana or ideal of woman living off male earnings serving the needs of her children and family for no pay as it it's a golden aim and best serves all children.

[Nikki76]

Xenia - I may not agree with some of what you post, but I have to say, at least you stick to what you believe in!

[Wotzsaname]

I can't beleive this is still going. Please end..

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Xenia 'Why would anyone say mum? It just sounds dreadful. Mummy is much cosier, normal, nice.'
How daft !! Please everyone get a grip !!

[MamaMaiasaura]

Xenia - I wasnt always a 'stay at homer' actually on been a proper stay at home for last 3 weeks. I completely and utterly disagreee with your last post! It isnt for fear of offending 'stay at homers!!' it is because your view is not the majority. Thankfully we live in a demorcracy with free speech as if the country was run by zealots like you we would be in a very sorry state!

[MamaMaiasaura]

Wotzaname - I keep trying to stay away.. keep getting drawn back in!

[2shoeswhoismshadowsnumber1fan]

why do people bother posting on this thread. xenia will just come back and trot out her rigid views again.

[bumposaurus]

It seems to me that our responsibility as parents is to ensure that there is enough money to put a roof over their heads and food on the table, give them opportunities and a chace to succees and surround them with love. You manage this according to your circumstances nad if getting one and two means you need to engage the services of a much-loved childcarer, then so be it.

And for what its worth, the fact that I HAD to go back to work was great for me as an individual, and has (I think) ultimately in our situation, been better for our family life

[Wotzsaname]

shall we go and play the word game, it is much more fun....


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[MamaMaiasaura]

wotzanmae

xx

[mamazon]

Xenia's stand point-

you are only a good parent if you earna fortune, give birth as if your a production line and then hadn tehm straight over to a nanny wjhile you get on your blackberry to arrange your cab back to the ofiice in case the womens workers union catches you sitting on your arse actually enjoying some time with your kids.

Anyone that likes spending time with their children, enriching their lives and building a bond with them is just fat and lazy and ignorant to the struggle of generations of women.

everyone else's stand point -

fuckety bollox your talking out of your arse you mad fruitcake woman.#


now can we please just allow the thread to drop out of active convo's as quite frankly im getting a headache from banging my bonce against a brick wall

[Judy1234]

I don't think anyone except me can say what my views are so by all means read them below but it's for me to summarise them.

awen, I'm hugely in favour of free speech. I would hate to live in a country where parents couldn't state their views on what is best for children. I'm sure you and I share similar views on that issue. It's very important.

[mamazon]

is that not what you have spent the last week spouting though?

[Judy1234]

I odn't agree with most of those things you say I do. Many stay at home parents are good parents. Many low wage earners council refuse workers and the like are good parents.

I think it's better foe the country if intelligent women in this transitional period as women exercise rights they haven't long have tend to work to consolidate a position that could easily slip from them so politically there may be a duty on women to work which isn't there on men. I've certainly said that.

I also think there are about 100 reasons why working women benefit their children and families which I won't repeat again.


"Anyone that likes spending time with their children, enriching their lives and building a bond with them is just fat and lazy and ignorant to the struggle of generations of women." I can't understand anyone who wants to spend time 24/7 with their chidlren as it's a bit dull day in day out which is why most women choose to work and they are fresh and happy to be with the children rather than jaded and fed up. There are very fat working women as much as stay at home women although getting back into a work suit can mean working mothers tend to be slimmer but I would be happy to proved wrong.

[mamazon]

so i have actually summerised exactly what you were saying...just in fewer words.

[Wotzsaname]

xenia I understand that you would like to have your say and that is your right, however with respect to 2shoes who would like to see an end to this thread, could you please consider starting your own thread about how you feel?

If you wish to link to this thread for others to see then that would be a good idea.

Any chance?

[Judy1234]

So you think on a thread about whether mothers who work the person who starts it should have a right to decide who posts on it@? That's a weird view of the internet and free speech, isn't it? It's what all regimes in the world do when they want to silence someone, when they want to curb criticism. It's what thescientologists do when interviewed - not let you get a word in edgeways. Why we have the internet and indeed processes when people debate things in courts and other places where one person speaks and then the other reacts is because this is a democracy and the right to reply is important. Obviously if someon says something that breaks the law that's another matter or if a private owned web site decides it wants to allow only a certain kind of person to post on it then that's their right.

[yellowrose]

i have a fundamnetal issue with what xenia says on the basis that if you don't like spending more than 2 hours per day with a child and basically can't stand pre-school children, then why have FIVE ?

it is like saying, oh well, i like children, i just don't like it when they are 2 or 3 or 10 or grumpy teenagers, etc so the way i will make those periods pass is by getting a nanny or childcare and doing full-time work which i will advertise as fulfilling me as an intellectual woman which will then shut other people up .

i don't see children as some designer accessory, the type you pick up to match a certain period in your life, and if they don't match you give them to someone else to look after until you get over your headache.

that is the crux of what xenia is saying, the rest of it, the power feminism, running the country for the sake of other women, etc. is a fig leaf. i hope other posters have been able to notice this too ? it comes across in every single post.

[yellowrose]

i agree that xenia must have her say, even if it is a terribly dull act.

[SleeplessInTheStaceym11House]

here here yellowrose, i have myself on more than one occasion thought, why have them?!

[Wotzsaname]

Xenia I pushed a button there didn't I, sorry to get you going.

What I did say was 'I understand that you would like to have your say and that is your right, however with respect to 2shoes'

I consider that the op has been answered and this is now quite dull. I would really like to come and sit on your high horse one day the view must be so different up there, how little we must all look.

Just carrry on then, as I say you have your right, but I can't be bothered to read it anymore.

[franca70]

Why having children if you end up beating them up and shouting at them the whole day? Life is full of questions. Apart from Xenia, I don't understand why a woman who is committed to her jobs and to her children should be asked why having children if you then go to work full time.

[Judy1234]

yr, I know we disagree on that but 99.9% of fathers in the UK have close loving relationships with their children and only see them after work. I really don't see why the same comment doesn't apply to them. Why have children and work? Because people always want to work. It doesn't make the chidlren a hobby in any sense. Most parents would see their chidlren as a life long important aspect of their life which is completely different from buying a fast car or cultivating dahlias or whatever they do. The fact you only see the children for a few ours a day which is true anyway once they turn 5 and are at school is enither here not there to your commitment as parent. Indeed perhaps you're more committed if you look to their long term financial interests and the good of the family and your own psychological health never mind the good of other women and work etc.

Wot, if it's dull don't read it. You can post what you like. I would hate people not to do that. I would hope most of us would be prepared to die to allow others in this country the free speech to say things in which they believe. It's why we fight around the world against dicators and why we fought off hitler etc. We need to be a nation where people can come here and say Jesus is an idiot, Mohammed is a freak, gays will burn in hell and all whites are thick etc or even God forbid women benefit their children if they work.... roll on South Park.

[Judy1234]

No, don't be silly. Are we saying people hav a kind of proprietary interest in a thread they start - that say a pro breastfeeder can force off bottle feeders who set out the merits of the bottle? If you think your feelings might be hurt you either need therapy or to stay off internet bulletin boards. If you aren't robust enough to cope with contrary views then you need to join groups where everyone shares your view which is why people join churches, the masons, gentleman's clubs in London or even tennis clubs.