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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 17 year old can get the bus home?

163 replies

makeupbag · 17/04/2018 19:00

My mum has an appointment tomorrow at the time she would normally be picking my brother up from school. This afternoon she has asked me, his older sister, to pick him up in my car. Normally I would be happy to do this, but tomorrow I have plans that I would have to cancel to pick up my brother. I've said that at 17 he should be capable of walking down the hill for 15 minutes to the bus stop for a 10 minute bus journey that will drop him literally outside our house. My mum disagrees, saying it would be fine if he was used to it, but he's only done it once or twice before. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MiaowMix · 18/04/2018 08:20

Aside from the fact this is obviously bullshit, of course the made up brother should get the made up bus by himself.
If this was real why would you need to ask?
Or are you going to reveal that actually, he does have SN. Or that you live in a cult?
🙄

Dan1983 · 18/04/2018 08:46

17 years old and old enough to join the army, but not capable of getting on a bus on his own?

BakedBeans47 · 18/04/2018 08:57

Is there a way for your brother and your mother to practice taking the bus together so he gets the hang of it

Sorry but I am howling at this. Practice getting the bus together Grin really?!

My son is 12 and managed to get the bus to the shops on his own last week. We never travel by bus as I hate public transport but he still managed it all on his own. It would never have crossed my mind that I’d need to practice with him

Dangerousmonkey · 18/04/2018 09:01

My left her job in order to be a mum to me age 17. She was a housewife, with a baby managing the shopping, cooking, bill paying etc whilst my dad worked, studied and learned to drive!

spidey66 · 18/04/2018 09:03

Fair enough if it was for a few days due to the broken toe....I've had one, they're bloody painful, especially with your shoes on. Together with the walk to the bus stop and the possibility he may have to stand on the bus if there's no seats and he's too embarrassed to ask.

However, without this your mum's unreasonable. I was using public transport at 11 to go to school/see friends. He's practically an adult. He could have had a child himself!

PaulDacreRimsGeese · 18/04/2018 09:12

As he has a broken toe it would probably be sore to walk, so while this is healing I get her wanting to save him that. But he presumably hasn't had a broken toe constantly since starting college, so her attitude the rest of the time is nonsensical. Unless maybe she's on the way home already and passing and it's cheaper for her to collect him than pay for the bus. Would make sense then. But it doesn't sound like this is the case and she's not helping him in the long run.

londonmummy1966 · 18/04/2018 09:24

At 14 my mother put me on a train at Euston and left me to find my own way to a youth hostel in North Wales which involved changing onto a branch line at Llandudno where the trains only stopped if you asked the guard. At the same age my dc can get themselves into and out of central London on the tube or to visit friends in the suburbs by bus/train/tram etc. SO your mother is being vu imho.

Gottagetmoving · 18/04/2018 09:32

At 15 I went to Edinburgh on my own. I had to take a bus into Manchester first and then get the train.
Before that I was getting buses on my own from the age of 10.

The journey your brother has to make sounds like one I would have walked, not got a bus.

Loyaultemelie · 18/04/2018 11:03

I went from NI to Glasgow on my own at 12 and to Spain at 15 with a friend the same age so I agree with you op that your DM isn't doing him any favours for a bus that drops him at his own door. Surely if he was so horrified at the idea he would have said something?

flowerslemonade · 18/04/2018 11:19

Yeah, this is crazy, like a lot of other people I was getting the bus myself at 11, this was a bus into a town centre, quite busy etc. And also going into town with my friends to go around the shops or to a cafe for lunch/soup.

You really need to stand firm and leave him to it. I wonder if the reason he doesn't go out much is because she's discouraged it, discouraged his independence... "oh no, you could never do that, get a bus in the evening" etc if she has this attitude towards his school bus. It could shape the rest of his life - he needs to start doing things for himself and start doing it NOW. Stand firm and once he's done it, maybe it will open up some doors for him.

Aw12345 · 18/04/2018 11:26

He might be off to uni in a year! He should be able to catch a bus!!

paxillin · 18/04/2018 12:39

He could even be off to uni in September. High time to stop pretending he's in infants.

InsomniacAnonymous · 18/04/2018 13:55

I was going by train on my own into central London at 12 as well as taking the bus to school from 11. Why the hell should a NT 17 yr old need his mother to "practice taking the bus together so he gets the hang of it"? It's ludicrous! That's the kind of thing you do with a child of primary school age. What an unbelievable thread.

Angie169 · 18/04/2018 14:15

Your DM is been unfair on your brother , if she is protecting him so much now he won't know what's hit him when he gets into the adult world in a few months.
Depending on where you live check to see if the bus company that he will use has it's own app ( Stagecoach in greater Manchester has a great one ) the app will tell him where the nerest stop is , how long it will take to walk to it , what number to get, when it's due , how many stops there are and long the walk is when he gets off . ( or at least stagecoaches does )

Trinity66 · 18/04/2018 14:20

She's being ridiculous of course my daughter flew Ireland to London to visit her grand dad last year when she was 17 (she was picked up at airport but still) He should be able to do a lot more than a short bus trip by now is what I'm saying

PerfectlySymmetricalButtocks · 18/04/2018 14:22

YANBU. Always assuming he's not a daydreamer.

ManicUnicorn · 18/04/2018 14:29

I was getting the bus into town on my own at 12 and into the next nearest city at 13. At 15 my friend and I actually went to Liverpool on our own on the train.

For a while I helped run a club/activity and we had a couple of mid to late teens. Without exception they excepted lifts to and from training sessions. Now of course if they lived miles away and had to walk through a lonely/dodgy place we wouldn't mind, but most lived within a short walking distance and or on bus routes.

Generation snowflake is real, and they make us millennial so look tough and worldly!

Mitzimaybe · 18/04/2018 14:32

YANBU. From starting secondary school I got myself home after school which involved catching three buses and over an hour's journey. By 17 I would have absolutely cringed at the idea of being picked up.

steppemum · 18/04/2018 14:40

so ds and dd started at secondary and cycled to the station, took the train and then walked up the hill.

Pretty much every single child at both school has to walk to bus stop/train and then get the bus.

From age 11.

At 17, my friend and I used to go to London to the horse show at Olympia, train, tube to friend of my mum's house, leave our stuff, then to Olympia, out to eat, maybe to see a show, back to stay over at the kind friend of my mums etc.

Show your mum this thread and point out that she is the only person who thinks he is a baby.

peacheachpearplum · 18/04/2018 14:46

Your poor brother, how is he going to cope with life if his mother treats him like this.

FrancisCrawford · 18/04/2018 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LexieLulu · 18/04/2018 16:40

Your mum is being unreasonable.

Take your brother aside and ask if he'd mind getting himself home as you have an appointment.

I'm sure your brother doesn't even care and your mum is making drama

TemptressofWaikiki · 18/04/2018 16:46

Just wow! I moved to London from a different country, speaking very little English at 17. I am shocked by the level of mollycoddling! Ridiculous. Does he get 'Bitty as well...?

Weezol · 18/04/2018 17:59

@makeupbag Did you collect him or stick to your own plans?

snewname · 18/04/2018 18:03

I thought you were going to say late at night or something. But just a normal journey in the day. Your mum isn't being helpful to his development by infantalizing him.

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