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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a 17 year old can get the bus home?

163 replies

makeupbag · 17/04/2018 19:00

My mum has an appointment tomorrow at the time she would normally be picking my brother up from school. This afternoon she has asked me, his older sister, to pick him up in my car. Normally I would be happy to do this, but tomorrow I have plans that I would have to cancel to pick up my brother. I've said that at 17 he should be capable of walking down the hill for 15 minutes to the bus stop for a 10 minute bus journey that will drop him literally outside our house. My mum disagrees, saying it would be fine if he was used to it, but he's only done it once or twice before. Who is being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PrettyLittIeThing · 17/04/2018 19:14

Blimey all the kids get the bus to and from school here from 11 years old.

MuttsNutts · 17/04/2018 19:16

Great drip feed - you didn’t think the broken toe was relevant?

Your Mum still sounds ridiculous though - she is doing him no favours by babying him.

Original poster
makeupbag · 17/04/2018 19:16

I don't want to fall out with her, I do want to help and have in the past, it's just that I don't want to have to delay my plans as it wouldn't be the most convenient for me. I don't know what to do for the best.

OP posts:
EllenJanethickerknickers · 17/04/2018 19:16

My DS2 does have a disability that makes catching the bus problematic. He has ASD and struggles with unfamiliar events, especially sudden unfamiliar events. He has caught the bus to and from college (3 miles, 3/4 hour journey) since he was just turned 17. We did practise it together a few times first. Wrapping him up in cottonwool would be doing him no favours, IMHO.

FinallyHere · 17/04/2018 19:16

I couldn't wait to be old enough to travel by myself? Does your brother realise what you would need to cancel in order to pick him up? Could he possibly be that selfish?

EllenJanethickerknickers · 17/04/2018 19:17

Cross post MuttNutts. Grin

Original poster
makeupbag · 17/04/2018 19:18

@MuttsNutts as I said, I forgot that he had a broken toe at the minute because it's not something obvious that you can see and I'm not with him during the day. Even taking that into account, this isn't just a one off though, it's the way my mum is in general. I wish she'd encourage us to be more independent.

OP posts:
ILoveDolly · 17/04/2018 19:21

I went to Paris on my own to visit friends at that age. I also used to walk to the bus and go into town on my own from age 14. My dd, 12, has to catch a bus to and from school every day which involves a walk to the bus stop. I often take her but if we were all busy I'm certain she could manage. Your mum is crackers.

LegallyBrunet · 17/04/2018 19:21

Your mum is being unreasonable. When I was 11 I was getting the bus to and from school by myself. At sixteen I was getting two buses to and from college on my own.

MuttsNutts · 17/04/2018 19:22

Well if the toe isn’t causing him pain he will be fine to get the bus.

As for your Mum saying you’re selfish for not thinking of her worrying about how he’ll get home Hmm. She does know - he’ll be getting the bus!

Just stick up for yourself and tell her that you have plans. If someone doesn’t stand up to her she won’t change.

Idontdowindows · 17/04/2018 19:23

Is his broken toe stopping him from walking around during the day? No? Then he can get the bus.

Weezol · 17/04/2018 19:23

Well, if she insists on him being picked up then she's going to have to cancel her appointment or book him a taxi.

Fitzsimmons · 17/04/2018 19:23

At 17 I traveled from the Midlands to Bordeaux by train and Eurostar, crossing London and Paris. Your Mum is being very unreasonable.

Fitzsimmons · 17/04/2018 19:24

I did that trip alone I should add!

Pinkvoid · 17/04/2018 19:26

I lived alone at 16. Your mum is being ridiculous.

BakedBeans47 · 17/04/2018 19:26

Your mother needs to get a grip.

DairyisClosed · 17/04/2018 19:26

So what does she think will happen when he imminently leaves home for university if he isn't even capable of catch a single bus.

lifechangesforever · 17/04/2018 19:27

Flipping heck, I went on a 2 week holiday abroad at 17!

It sounds like a very controlling relationship, is he allowed any independence? Like going out with friends etc.

applesisapple5 · 17/04/2018 19:29

Does he have a smart phone?
If so there's absolutely no reason he can't manage this by himself, or get a taxi himself if he really can't manage with his toe.

However, your first port of call would be talking to your brother I would have thought.

dirtyquerty · 17/04/2018 19:29

wouldn't want to walk 15 minutes, not go on a packed bus at school kicking out time with a broken toeIt sounds as though YOU still live at home.Bit rich to say your brother is babied for avoiding the crush and a 15 minute walk with a broken toe
Do you live at home still?

applesareredandgr33n · 17/04/2018 19:30

Well I might be concerned as to how much his broken toe is affecting his mobility.

That said my DS managed to hobble to school and back when he had a broken toe - I haven't been allowed in the vicinity of his school since he turned 11 apart from parent evenings (and even then he banned DH!!)

Your mom is being seriously unreasonable in not encouraging or enabling independence for your brother, what will she do when he goes to university or starts work? Has a girlfriend- will she drive him on dates?!!

Ohyesiam · 17/04/2018 19:33

Not you

morningconstitutional2017 · 17/04/2018 19:34

My sister and I walked to and from school each day and it took rather longer than 15 minutes - but then our expectations were much lower in those days. Unless he has a real reason for not being able to manage this then, frankly it sounds pathetic. Some practice in the self-sufficiency department would be a great help to him in becoming a grown-up who can stand on his own two feet, starting from now.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit · 17/04/2018 19:35

17 ffs!! Of course your DM IBU.

Oldsu · 17/04/2018 19:36

Bleeding ell I was working and commuting at age 15 and married at age 17

Make the lazy tyke get the bus It will be character building