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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that growing a baby IS a big deal?

136 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 17/04/2018 18:23

I was talking to my friend earlier who has got a 6 month old and we were talking about the difficulties of pregnancy/birth and the toll it can take on our bodies etc and she made a comment about how she wished it was something men could do instead so we wouldn’t have to deal with it all.

I laughed it off but she said she was being serious and asked why I wouldn’t want the same? I told her that although pregnancy can be crap it’s still an amazing thing that is sacred to women and that growing and nourishing a baby is pretty special and I liked that fact that it’s something men can’t do in what is already a “mans world”.

She sort of shrugged at me and said that it’s “just growing a baby” and that it’s “really no big deal who does it”.

AIBU to think that actually it is a big deal??!!

OP posts:
DoJo · 17/04/2018 18:25

Some people think it is a big deal and some dont. As you and your friend have neatly proved.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 17/04/2018 18:26

Well it’s special and a big deal to the person going through it, but not to everyone else. The majority of women past and present have gone or will go through it, so it’s not unique.

jamoncrumpets · 17/04/2018 18:26

I'm pregnant. I'd happily let my husband carry my baby for me. In fact I'd grow it in a gro-bag if I could.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 17/04/2018 18:27

Eh, it is a big deal. You grew a whole new human!!

On the other hand, there were days when I wholeheartedly wished I was a bird and had laid an egg that he could keep warm for a few hours.

TammySwansonTwo · 17/04/2018 18:27

If my DH could have a baby and all the difficulties I’ve had as a result, I’d gladly hand that over to him in exchange for not being the one to carry them!

MotherforkingShirtballs · 17/04/2018 18:28

You lost me at amazing and sacred Grin

I had HG, sciatica, GERD, diastatis recti, back spasms, and rib pain so bad that there were times I was on my knees crying in pain. I am so incredibly happy that I never have to be pregnant again.

Is this baby your first?

60sname · 17/04/2018 18:28

I quite like being pregnant and have had easy pregnancies so far. However you can bet that if DH could carry a baby I would be making sure he also took his turn!

Happymummy1991 · 17/04/2018 18:28

It is a very big deal and I wish I could have grown one and DH could have grown the other Grin
I hated pregnancy though. I suppose the fact that only women can do it does make me feel proud to be a woman but I also wish that men could do it too. So I guess I can see both of your points.

KC225 · 17/04/2018 18:28

Yes, I bought the wool and asked someone to knit mine. Not a big deal.

Susanjeffery1984 · 17/04/2018 18:29

I’m also pregnant and if my husband could share the load I’d definitely be up for it. Don’t get me wrong I can’t wait to meet my baby and know we are very blessed but I’m not one of these people that loves pregnancy sadly!

Ivorbig1 · 17/04/2018 18:30

Growing a human baby inside your womb is pretty amazing actually. I read somewhere once that being pregnant with a girl is like a Russian doll. The mother has a baby inside her and the baby girl has her ovaries and potential life inside her too. A big deal indeed, your friend sounds like she has taken pregnancy for granted.

DioneTheDiabolist · 17/04/2018 18:31

Yes it's a big deal. But I don't consider it "sacred" and would have willingly shared pregnancy to get a bit of time off HG and the crippling pelvic arthropathy that it caused.

SerenDippitty · 17/04/2018 18:32

It is and it isn’t. It’s not as though you have any conscious input into it, other than deciding to have sex, it just happens.

I couldn’t do it so I guess that makes me not much better than a man!

LovelySouffle · 17/04/2018 18:32

It's a big deal and a huge life-changing event to you personally.

Nothing special to everyone else though, 130 million of 'em born each year.

MotherforkingShirtballs · 17/04/2018 18:32

I find the biology and the mechanics of it fascinating but living through an actual pregnancy, not so much. The thought of "oh my goodness this is/I am amazing" never once crossed my mind. My main thoughts revolved around working out how much longer was left.

Bitsandbobsalot · 17/04/2018 18:32

It’s a big deal for me. I’m currently carrying a little boy that I was told I’d never have after 6 years ttc, failed fertility treatments and mc’s. I’m loving been pregnant I wouldn’t wish my dh could do it instead. Up to now 24+ weeks I’ve had a easy pregnancy (thank goodness and may it continue that way) but some ladies don’t have it easy I’ve read lots of posts about ladies been in pain and to sick to work so I can totally understand them feeling the way your friend does.

Pleasebeafleabite · 17/04/2018 18:33

Eh, it is a big deal. You grew a whole new human

Not by using any particular talents though other than possibly conception

PinkyBlunder · 17/04/2018 18:34

I have horrendous pregnancies. I have wished on numerous occasions that human beings could lay eggs.

timeisnotaline · 17/04/2018 18:34

It is a big deal but it’s nto a sacred big deal, I’d gladly let my dh do it! He’d probably glow for 9 mo instead of getting the 9 months of misery I go through. Whoever’s doing it would need support because it’s a big deal.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/04/2018 18:35

It’s a massive deal. Of course it is! And I’d happily let DH have a go. I’m going through get another miscarriage at the moment and finding the job of trying to make a baby a massive fucking ball ache that is taking an immense toll on me. But I loved being pregnant and feel it’s a privilege, despite the exhaustion, discomfort and current pain with this current loss.

People who’ve had it easy feel it’s no big deal. Your friend doesn’t know how lucky she is.

Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 17/04/2018 18:35

Is this baby your first?

I’m not pregnant - although I wish I was. I’ve already got two and my husband says no to a third Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
QueenofmyPrinces · 17/04/2018 18:37

annelovesgilbert - I’m sorry to hear about the miscarriage and your difficulties. You’re right, being pregnant is a privilege and it’s a much better word to describe the point I was trying to make Flowers

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 17/04/2018 18:37

Eh

Its amazing yes, but equally it’s something the majority of women either have done or will do, and it requires no talent or skill except luck.

SluttyButty · 17/04/2018 18:38

I ended up in intensive care with my last one so that birth was a big fucking awful deal.

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 17/04/2018 18:39

@Pleasebeafleabite I like to think of it as a talent. Not one that I list on my CV, but as I did it three years in a row I would like to think I've achieved a certain finesse.

I'm all for the egg laying, but there is no feeling as when you experience their first kicks.