Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that growing a baby IS a big deal?

136 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 17/04/2018 18:23

I was talking to my friend earlier who has got a 6 month old and we were talking about the difficulties of pregnancy/birth and the toll it can take on our bodies etc and she made a comment about how she wished it was something men could do instead so we wouldn’t have to deal with it all.

I laughed it off but she said she was being serious and asked why I wouldn’t want the same? I told her that although pregnancy can be crap it’s still an amazing thing that is sacred to women and that growing and nourishing a baby is pretty special and I liked that fact that it’s something men can’t do in what is already a “mans world”.

She sort of shrugged at me and said that it’s “just growing a baby” and that it’s “really no big deal who does it”.

AIBU to think that actually it is a big deal??!!

OP posts:
LisaSimpsonsbff · 17/04/2018 21:08

To my early comments I just want to add:

a) I definitely feel a bit Envy about calling it 'sacred'!
b) While I think pregnancy is a huge deal, and a huge physical challenge for many women, I really don't like talk of it as an achievement - I think this comes from when I was going through multiple miscarriages, and found talk of pregnancy as an achievement so upsetting, because it reminded me that I'd 'failed' at it. It's something we have no control over (well, we can end a pregnancy - but nothing we do can make it go 'right') so it's a huge thing, and the biology is amazing, but it's not an individual achievement.

DuchyDuke · 17/04/2018 21:11

Pregnancy isn’t an achievement. It isn’t sacred. Some women can give birth to a child, some can’t. To define your worth as a woman on the ability to give birth is a stupid thing to do. Speaking as someone who has battled infertility. This entire thread is offensive.

sofato5miles · 17/04/2018 21:18

Offensive? Crikey.

Babyplaymat · 17/04/2018 22:02

I don't define my worth by it by any means.

ItsuAddict · 17/04/2018 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrollTheRespawnJeremy · 17/04/2018 22:05

Millions of people manage it every year. It's no big deal.

SerenDippitty · 17/04/2018 22:06

Well yes, it is offensive to say growing a baby is special because it’s the one thing women can do that men can’t. Where does that leave those women who actually can’t?

MotherforkingShirtballs · 17/04/2018 22:06

I agree that pregnancy isn't an achievement, also stemming from years of infertility and miscarriage before eventually having my family. As I described earlier, I did not find pregnancy amazing or sacred and that was despite the difficulties I'd had actually getting (and staying) pregnant in the first place. Saying it's sacred to women because it's something men can't do in a male dominated world, etc is a disservice to women who either cannot get pregnant or do not want to be pregnant. Are they not allowed to be part of the sacred woman club? Should they go and sit with the men?

Gennz18 · 17/04/2018 22:19

Pregnancy as a phenomenon is not a big deal- millions of women have done it for millions of years.

At an individual level, physically, it is a big deal in terms of the toll it takes. I get so annoyed with the "it's not an illness" brigade. It sure feels like one when you're 7 months pregnant, taking meds to manage your nausea and going to Physio to keep you mobile.

ItsuAddict · 17/04/2018 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bananafish81 · 17/04/2018 22:21

Well yes, it is offensive to say growing a baby is special because it’s the one thing women can do that men can’t. Where does that leave those women who actually can’t?

Yep. I can't grow a baby. My womb is too damaged to sustain a pregnancy. The only way we could turn one of our frozen embryos into a person would be if someone else grew the baby for us. Not every woman can enter the sacred woman club.

Viviennemary · 17/04/2018 22:23

I think it is a big deal. But can't see what's wrong with wishing men could take over some of it. And for people who have had difficulty conceiving it can be a miracle.

Gennz18 · 17/04/2018 22:24

The fact it is a big deal physically is the bloody reason I wish I could delegate it to DH!!

RunMummyRun68 · 17/04/2018 22:26

Come on guys..., I think the op is trying to 'big up' pregnancy and make women seem more special.... or something Confused

Though I agree, the 'sacred' comment is a bit twee

Crowd · 17/04/2018 22:29

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Namechangedtoscream · 17/04/2018 22:29

With my 1st it wasn't a big deal. Easiest pregnancy ever conceived accidentally. This one has come off the back of 5 losses and has made me very VERY poorly but it's my little miracle and very much treasured. (They're both treasured but what we have gone through to get here is what's getting me through feel SO unwell!!)

PurpleDaisies · 17/04/2018 22:31

I think the op is trying to 'big up' pregnancy and make women seem more special....

Why does pregnancy need to be bigged up? Loads of couples want to do it. People generally agree that getting a baby is pretty amazing. Digging out the naff language of “growing babies” and “sacred women” is unnecessary.

Northernmum100 · 17/04/2018 22:32

Nice idea Jamoncrumpets! Grin

mammmamia · 17/04/2018 22:33

I still look at my 8 yo twins conceived through IVF and marvel that my tiny body grew two large babies inside it, and that science got them there in the first place. I am in utter awe of both those things and i still can’t get over it, i get choked up thinking about it.

Crowd · 17/04/2018 22:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JacintaJones · 17/04/2018 22:36

I think its great actually, I find the whole thing pretty amazing and I would never have wanted my OH to take it from me.

I've had five successful pregnancies and one mid trimester loss.
I'm thankful every day that I got to carry five of my children successfully to term
I'm very, very fortunate and to me, that is a big deal.

JacintaJones · 17/04/2018 22:38

I'm glad my and everybody else's taxes were put to such could use maam.

If indeed your IVF was NHS funded Smile

JacintaJones · 17/04/2018 22:39

Good, not could. Confused

MotherforkingShirtballs · 17/04/2018 22:41

On an individual level, yes, it's a big deal in terms of the impact it'll have. Your life will never be the same again, in both good and bad ways. On a population level, it is not a big deal. Even the delivery of your amazing little bundle is just another day at work for everyone in the room except you and your partner.

I have a problem with the idea of it being sacred as it goes hand in hand with the notion that mothers are a higher level of woman than non-mothers. I'm no fan of the current PM but I remember the furore when one of the other candidates for party leadership openly stated that she would be better at the job as she is a mother and TM isn't.

The whole notion of golden motherhood baffles me. There's this idea that we should sit around cradling our swollen bellies with a bovine look of contentment on our faces while we marvel at the miracle of life growing within us. It's not the done thing to openly state in RL that you hate being pregnant.

catinapoolofsunshine · 17/04/2018 22:52

It is a big deal though, because hundreds of thousands of women around the world still die in childbirth every year. It's still dangerous in the UK, with deaths and more often life changing birth injuries. An unplanned/ emergency cesarean or instrumental delivery can save your or your baby's life but leave your body a mess for months or years. The same kind of surgery as a cesarean would see you signed off sick for 6-8 weeks if it weren't pregnancy related and therefore something that women should be grateful for and not make a fuss... Childbirth can make a woman unbelievably vulnerable.

Sacred, no, but a big deal - yes. The fact some women are infertile doesn't make late pregnancy and childbirth less dangerous, vulnerable or potentially damaging. The rigours and emotional and hormonal rollercoaster of fertility treatment are also related - fertility treatment impacts men too but is never as invasive for a man as it is for a woman going through IVF, whether she carries a pregnancy to term or not.

Saying it's not a big deal because women have done it for millions of years is the height of disingenuousness. It's killed a huge proportion of those women for most of those years - in the poorest countries women still have a one in 15 chance of dying each time they give birth.