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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that growing a baby IS a big deal?

136 replies

QueenofmyPrinces · 17/04/2018 18:23

I was talking to my friend earlier who has got a 6 month old and we were talking about the difficulties of pregnancy/birth and the toll it can take on our bodies etc and she made a comment about how she wished it was something men could do instead so we wouldn’t have to deal with it all.

I laughed it off but she said she was being serious and asked why I wouldn’t want the same? I told her that although pregnancy can be crap it’s still an amazing thing that is sacred to women and that growing and nourishing a baby is pretty special and I liked that fact that it’s something men can’t do in what is already a “mans world”.

She sort of shrugged at me and said that it’s “just growing a baby” and that it’s “really no big deal who does it”.

AIBU to think that actually it is a big deal??!!

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 17/04/2018 18:42

That’s alright love, and thank you. Didn’t mean to be a downer just thinking how much I envy the people who have a shag and then get a baby 9 months later as they always assumed they would. As I guess I always assumed I would.

A lot of people don’t have that experience and while my boobs hurt and I slept a lot I treasured growing a tiny new unique life, feeding it and planning it’s future, seeing the flicker of its heartbeat and knowing we’d made it between us, something so precious and beautiful.

Hypermice · 17/04/2018 18:43

There seem to be a couple of issues which perhaps your friend and you didn’t separate.

  1. It is and it isn’t a big deal. It doesn’t require any special skills and hundreds of millions of women it every year. BUT at the same time it’s a pretty incredible thing to do if you think about it - combining two cells, multiply a bit and turn that embryonic mass into a highly differentiated living organism.
  1. It sounds like she’s had a rough time in pregnancy and if so I do understand where she’s coming from. Some women sail through and they can be very dismissive of those of us who don’t find it as easy. I am on my second HG pregnancy and if it’s like the first I will feel sick every second of every day for nine months, as well as vomiting dozens of times. I e also had spd to the point I can’t walk.

So in that light I think you maybe should have opened up a discussion with your friend about how she found it hard and listened and been sympathetic?

VladmirsPoutine · 17/04/2018 18:44

Of course it's a big deal. It's one of the hugest deals out there.

Dozer · 17/04/2018 18:45

If she truly thought it wasn’t a big deal she wouldn’t have agreed with the sentiment of wishing men could deal with it!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 17/04/2018 18:46

I'm 32 weeks with my 2nd, can't say I feel it's a big deal, fascinating yes but that's it. However despite my advanced maternal age, so far I've found getting pregnant very easy which I think is possibly a factor in my attitude. I would happily outsource it to dh if he was capable of carrying. Currently feels like I'm carrying an large angry octopus, I've been leaking colostrum for weeks and my left hip feels like it belongs to someone else entirely.

FittonTower · 17/04/2018 18:47

When i looked at my (pretty massive) 6 month old and realised that i had grown her and nourished her with just my body (she was ebf at this point) i was quite amazed with how it all works. I mean, i needed my husband's input at the start obv and she was cesarean so i had a fair bit of help getting her out but all the nutrition that grew her was me. Fab int it?
However. My second properly nearly killed me and as much as I'd love another I'm not going through that again. I'd happily have let my husband go through that shit.....

StarShapedWindow · 17/04/2018 18:47

I think the fact that most people wish someone or something else could grow their baby for them means it is a big deal.

lifechangesforever · 17/04/2018 18:48

If there was a choice, yes, I'd let DH carry a baby. I feel that men really miss out on such a wonderful feeling of having a human grow inside them, I know my DH has often felt that he can't help or would like to feel all the kicks etc.

That being said, my god, would he be a moaner Grin

Agent13 · 17/04/2018 18:50

Well I agree with both of you, I think it is a big deal (for me) but would happily hand the job over to my other half if I could and he would happily take the job! (Hate being pregnant, sick etc).

PurpleDaisies · 17/04/2018 18:52

I find the phrase “growing a baby” utterly nauseating. I put it in the same category as “we are pregnant”.

Having a baby is obviously a massive deal, but saying you are “growing a baby” makes it sound like you’re consciously putting it together yourself. You have a working reproductive system which gets on with the job.

Dancingleopard · 17/04/2018 18:54

She sounds like she didn’t enjoy being pregnant.

Neither did I

PeppersTheCat · 17/04/2018 18:54

Sacred? wtf

it’s something men can’t do in what is already a “mans world”.

It's a man's word indeed, largely because women have to deal with maternity. Maternity = vulnerability = patriarchy.

Mydoghatesthebath · 17/04/2018 18:55

growing a baby oh a tad 16 kids and counting for me.

Sacred no why? It’s a big deal for the pregnant person but I have to say I do get a bit bored if someone goes on and on about their pregnancies.

mirime · 17/04/2018 18:55

Hmm, while in some ways I enjoyed being pregnant (mainly feeling the baby move and the lessening of my normal level of anxiety), the whole thing left me traumatised and the thought of doing it again makes me incredibly anxious.

But I was horrendously sick and nobody would do anything about it, developed pre-eclampsia, was induced and ended up with a third degree tear and me and my baby going in separate directions, him to SCBU and me to theatre.

I'd be very happy if men could do it instead.

Babyplaymat · 17/04/2018 18:57

Not a fan of pregnancy or birth, however I agree with you. Growing a whole person is quite something.

Blaablaablaa · 17/04/2018 19:04

My god I would have quite happily let my husband grow our baby. Hated every single second of pregnancy

Slievenamon · 17/04/2018 19:04

AIBU to think that actually it is a big deal??!!

I don't think it is. Its something most women can do and almost all female animals as well. Its something your body just gets on with, no active input needed from your brain.

Juells · 17/04/2018 19:04

I'll never forget the creeping horror the first time I felt a baby turn over in my stomach Grin

It truly felt like an alien parasite had nested inside me. She's an adult now, and of course I loved her once she emerged into the world, but I was no blooming earth mother.

wrenika · 17/04/2018 19:05

I don't personally think it's a big deal. It's just another biological function...it's not really something amazing.

PurpleRobe · 17/04/2018 19:06

It's a big deal for the individual /couple but nothing special in terms of the number of births per day!

Cantspell2 · 17/04/2018 19:13

It is a biological function. In the same way you eat an apple and your digestive system takes out the goodness it needs and the bowel expels the rest.
Or. Is having a shit also sacred now.

Babyplaymat · 17/04/2018 19:15

Growing a human is rather more complex than poo-ing tbh.

LeighaJ · 17/04/2018 19:17

I think growing a baby is a big deal, but I'd happily share that load with my husband.

Actually throughout most of my pregnancy I've wished that baby's really were delivered by storks. Grin

Cantspell2 · 17/04/2018 19:18

But pooing can be life or death. . If you don’t poo you can get a build up of toxins which will eventually kill you.
So is a very important bodily function.

SerenDippitty · 17/04/2018 19:18

Growing a human is rather more complex than poo-ing tbh.

But it’s still a bodily function.