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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for thinking I should say no to my neighbours putting a skip on my garden again?

215 replies

Gingernutsandtea · 17/04/2018 11:02

My neighbour asked me a few months ago if she and her DH could use my driveway to put a large skip on, so that they wouldn't have to apply for a skip permit and save money.
I don't use the drive and, as I felt like I was put on the spot and also because I try to be neighbourly, I agreed.
The lady said it'd only be there for about 5 days, and said that once they'd put their rubbish in I could feel free to put anything I wanted to get rid of if there was room.

Her DH filled the skip and put a cover over, held down by slabs, I'm assuming in order to prevent anyone else's rubbish going in. Fair enough, it was their skip after all.

The skip was removed and I was left feeling a bit narked that it was left to me to clear small bits of wood/rubbish etc that had been left on my garden. Furthermore, neither of the couple have since thanked me for allowing the use of my drive (although the wife did thank me when I initially agreed to the skip).

Now the lady is talking about having to get another skip soon after they have a kitchen and bathroom refit. I'm expecting to be asked again for the use of my driveway, but I anticipate I won't hardly get a thank you or even a bottle of wine as a thank you gesture , and I'll again be left to clear any mess left behind. I wouldn't mind so much if I felt my favour was appreciated.

AIBU to say no? How can I get out of it?

To add, the neighbours in question have never once done me any favours, in fact the DH tried to rip me off years back by trying to overcharge me for something. Nothing major, but won't go into it as it may out me! ....

OP posts:
GreenLife · 18/04/2018 23:04

I don't think you need to think too much about it.
Lets say sorry this time as your place wasn't left tidy.

Nitpickpicnic · 18/04/2018 23:12

Definitely say you checked, and it contravenes your house insurance. End of.

llangennith · 18/04/2018 23:15

Immediate reaction is ‘say no’ but you have to live next door to them so not so easy.

MsJolly · 18/04/2018 23:41

No just no!

MsJolly · 18/04/2018 23:42

Pre-empt IT by putting big plant pots on your drive. As you don't use it they won't get in your way.

Cookie37 · 19/04/2018 06:08

I’d definitely put something in the drive to ensure they don’t just get it delivered there again. Big planters full of flowers whixh are too heavy to move (and bbq, sunlounger..!) will look much nicer for the summer than the sight of their old loo in a skip ! Do you want to sit in your garden when the sun comes out and look at a scabby skip ? Say no (you don’t have to explain but could say you want to be in the garden in summer and it would be an eyesore) or just block it. Hope you enjoy your garden this summer !

Esspee · 19/04/2018 06:35

This is not going to end well because the OP continues to believe that if the skip is left on her drive she will be able to get it removed. Assuming you have a telephone number for the skip company (but often there is no indication of the owner) please OP understand that they won't rush back to move it. You will be causing yourself a lot of stress for days.
Easiest solution is to use your drive as suggested by others (friend's car, plants blocking entrance) or the direct approach of simply asking neighbour where they are proposing to put the skip this time so you can make it clear that you will not be having it on your property. As for the shortcut, tell the kids not to do it.....and repeat until they get the message. Tell the mother you want her to stop her

Esspee · 19/04/2018 06:39

Sorry that escaped.....Tell the mother to stop her kids taking a shortcut through your garden. Simple solutions are always the best.

jwpetal · 19/04/2018 07:42

Building works are very messy. You will have workers on your property and damage could be caused. If they put the skip on your land, you can then say they cannot use it and contact the company. If you decide to do it, I would suggest a contract so that any damage they will repair. We had a skip on our drive for building work and it was messy and caused some damage to our phone line (poor operation) and to the bricks.

blueheaven97 · 19/04/2018 10:15

The idea posted above of telling them it's not covered by your house insurance is an excellent idea. I've seen a lot of people on the thread saying you shouldn't have to give an excuse and you should just say "no", but the fact is a lot of people are uncomfortable with being that severe and it may make you feel more confident if there's a reason/excuse you can be armed with them that they can't possibly argue against.

I also think it's really important that, in the meantime, you have something in your drive so that if this skip suddenly turns up it'll be obvious that the skip is in use and they can't possibly have your permission. The most obvious choice is a couple of plant pots, or a bench, or some other decorative-but-heavy garden object.

harmfultohealth · 19/04/2018 10:25

I can see why people are telling you to refuse, but if it was me - I would be weighing this small annoyance up against the general benefit in life of having good neighbourly relations.

You never know when you might need a reciprocal favour from them. You could even test the water now before they ask. Ask them to do something 'neighbourly' for you and see what the reaction is. Could be simple as having a parcel delivered to them. Asking them to bring your bin in one night as you will be away etc.. If they do this freely and happily then I would be tempted to help them out again.

I would probably say yes, but could they make sure the 'builders' clean up this time, as last time they left a dreadful mess...

Weezol · 19/04/2018 12:01

Harmful If you RTFT there are no 'neighbourly' feelings to preserve.

ittakes2 · 19/04/2018 12:24

Just say it made a terrible mess of your garden last time so it would be better if they put in on their own land.

Juells · 19/04/2018 12:32

I would be weighing this small annoyance up against the general benefit in life of having good neighbourly relations.

Small annoyance?! Builders lashing stuff in a skip all day are a nightmare. Dirt and noise, stuff blowing everywhere, windows filthy from the dust, damage to drive, builders pissing against the side of the skip, people coming from far and wide to dump mattresses and two-seater sofas in the dead of night....have you ever even had a skip, if you think it's a small annoyance?

flissfloss65 · 19/04/2018 12:36

I’d just say no due to insurance. If your drive was damaged who would pay for the repair? Doesn’t sound like they would.

SherbrookeFosterer · 19/04/2018 13:50

If it bothers you that much, just tell them to naff off.

Your property, your rules, remember.

rumbelina · 19/04/2018 13:51

I can't remember if I read on here or if it was someone in RL where the skip company went bust and the skip was left on their drive indefinitely. But this is not the reason I would say no. They are CF XL.

Original poster
Gingernutsandtea · 19/04/2018 16:10

Harmful as Weezol pointed out, please read the FULL thread. This is not some 'small annoyance' as you put it.

Posters have suggested that I put planters etc on my drive. As I've mentioned previously, I'm not going to do that. I'll leave it open as I shouldn't have to resort to altering things because of my neighbours. plus it might fuck em off even more that there's a big open driveway they cant use . Again, I'm just going to say NO if they ask.

And if one turns up unexpectedly whilst I'm out and I come back to find them filling it up the shit will hit the fan I'll ensure one way or another their rubbish does not leave my garden in that skip.
I was quitely fuming with their cheek before I posted here, but wasn't sure if I was maybe 'making a mountain out of a molehill' by being angry with them.
Thanks to these posts, I feel quite justified to be pissed off with my neighbours and its spurring me on to not be treated and used like a twat by them again.

OP posts:
registeredtrademark · 19/04/2018 16:44

Go for it! I just sometimes think people get spurred on and fuelled up to do stuff by strangers on the internet who won't be there in real life to help them in two years time when you are at war with the neighbours and feeling miserable about it.

Do what you think is right.

FizzyGreenWater · 19/04/2018 16:46

RedNeckHotTub would be a great username

As would SkipFuckazzz

RhiWrites · 19/04/2018 17:04

I agree with @ittakes2 but OP should be pre-emptive. Why wait for the skip to arrive. Drop the neighbour a note saying “Good luck with your kitchen, sorry I won’t be able to host a skip again because last time a lot of rubbish was left which I had to clear up. Best wishes, OP”.

Juells · 19/04/2018 19:41

I can't remember if I read on here or if it was someone in RL where the skip company went bust and the skip was left on their drive indefinitely.

Oh my god the stuff of nightmares!

Good luck with your kitchen, sorry I won’t be able to host a skip again

Fixed it Grin

MacaroniPenguin · 19/04/2018 20:00

I really think this is better handled pre-emptively. Stalking them to prevent them filling their own skip if it's on your drive will just make you look petty and silly. They could very legitimately say (1) you had given permission last time and hadn't said no since, despite knowing their plans for another and (2) the longer you sabotage their access, the longer you are inconvenienced by the skip. You'd be cutting off your nose to spite your face and it would just be childish.

Communicate a clear "no" to them in advance. It's the grown up thing to do, it'll minimise the headspace you need to give this and minimise chances of it getting nasty.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 19/04/2018 20:19

Posters have suggested that I put planters etc on my drive ... I'll leave it open as I shouldn't have to resort to altering things because of my neighbours

You're quite right in principle, but have you considered that your neighbours will know roughly when you go out? What's to stop them getting it put on your drive when you're not there and claiming that the delivery guys made a mistake and they were out themselves when it came so couldn't tell them?

Personally I'd definitely tell them before it comes to delivery and maybe reconsider the big plant pots too

Original poster
Gingernutsandtea · 19/04/2018 20:37

They could very legitimately say you had given permission last time, and hadn't said no since, despite knowing their plans for another

I didn't know they had plans for any other skips when I agreed to the one I let them put there, because neither of them mentioned intending to order further skips in the future, therefore they can't use the excuse that they thought I'd always let them use my drive. It doesn't work that way.
It's like someone asking to borrow a friend's car for example. Just because they've borrowed it once it doesn't give them the right to use it again whenever they want to!

To reiterate, I never said to them "you can put other skips there whenever you want to on my drive" ! so they'd be cheeky bastards to expect continuous use of my drive without asking me again.

I will say no if they ask. As I've already written a fair few times

I've also explained much further back the reason why I won't 'pre empt' them about the skip!

OP posts: