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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for thinking I should say no to my neighbours putting a skip on my garden again?

215 replies

Gingernutsandtea · 17/04/2018 11:02

My neighbour asked me a few months ago if she and her DH could use my driveway to put a large skip on, so that they wouldn't have to apply for a skip permit and save money.
I don't use the drive and, as I felt like I was put on the spot and also because I try to be neighbourly, I agreed.
The lady said it'd only be there for about 5 days, and said that once they'd put their rubbish in I could feel free to put anything I wanted to get rid of if there was room.

Her DH filled the skip and put a cover over, held down by slabs, I'm assuming in order to prevent anyone else's rubbish going in. Fair enough, it was their skip after all.

The skip was removed and I was left feeling a bit narked that it was left to me to clear small bits of wood/rubbish etc that had been left on my garden. Furthermore, neither of the couple have since thanked me for allowing the use of my drive (although the wife did thank me when I initially agreed to the skip).

Now the lady is talking about having to get another skip soon after they have a kitchen and bathroom refit. I'm expecting to be asked again for the use of my driveway, but I anticipate I won't hardly get a thank you or even a bottle of wine as a thank you gesture , and I'll again be left to clear any mess left behind. I wouldn't mind so much if I felt my favour was appreciated.

AIBU to say no? How can I get out of it?

To add, the neighbours in question have never once done me any favours, in fact the DH tried to rip me off years back by trying to overcharge me for something. Nothing major, but won't go into it as it may out me! ....

OP posts:
Mulberry72 · 17/04/2018 12:21

Echoing what a PP said, we had a skip on our drive when we had the bathroom ripped out and it caused cracks in the drive.

CFN’s tell them to sling it and pay for the permit. Tight bastards!

Merchfach · 17/04/2018 12:22

I do think the fact that you're a single mother has something to do with it. I had neighbours who, when I was living alone, used to treat me as your neighbours have treated you. They had an extension built and asked me to allow them to put up scaffolding in my garden and when it was all over I had to spend days and a couple of hundred quid trying to make good the damage they'd caused. They wouldn't look at me, let alone offer to help.

It went on like this for a couple of years, with me refusing any further favours and them being very unpleasant until my partner moved in, at which point they became model neighbours. There are couples who assume they can ride roughshod over a single person, particularly, I suspect, a single woman.

wormery · 17/04/2018 12:30

Please say no before they arrange it, it can damage your drive, looks bloody awful, can be there for ages and if anything were to happen to you, you need transport, deliveries e.t.c. then they have blocked your access. Have they got a front garden they could put it on, failing that its up to them and the skip company to find somewhere to put it. Be strong.

frasier · 17/04/2018 12:31

I dont know if it has to be with being single but maybe a woman.

I’ve been fobbed off by people yet when I’ve got DH to ring they have fallen over backwards to do what I had originally asked for.

At DS’s ex nursery for instance. He started late in the term and wasn’t given a peg with his name on like all the other children. This upset him after a while and I asked three times (in three weeks) but nothing was done. DH took him in one day and asked and they did it in two minutes while he was there!

CoffeAndCream · 17/04/2018 12:36

Just say that it turned out to be inconvenient last time and you don't want another skip there.

Emmasmum2013 · 17/04/2018 12:37

OP you've got perfectly good reasons for saying no to them. If they ask, just say "Sorry no, it left a right mess last time and I don't want to end up with damage to the property or the driveway"
I mean, you're well within your rights just to say "no" and not give a reason. But if you feel you need to excuse your decision, then you've given perfectly good answers already! :) If I was the neighbour I'd feel that you'd more than justified your decision there, without having to tell them that you didn't feel that they were appreciative of your kind nature enough.

BringMeCoffeePlease · 17/04/2018 12:38

Just say no OP.

If they ask why, tell them because it left mess last time.

Original poster
Gingernutsandtea · 17/04/2018 12:39

wormery they haven't asked as yet to have another skip put on my drive, its just the lady was saying about getting one and I'm just anticipating that they will ask as its convenient and cheaper for them. They don't have a drive so would have to go on the road if I refuse.
Merchfach, sorry to hear about how your neighbours treated you. I think there really is occasions, where if you're a woman on your own, some people see you as probably a bit 'weak' and will try and take advantage of that. Hence our CF neighbours for a start!

OP posts:
TypingoftheDead · 17/04/2018 12:39

I'd also get someone with a 'spare' car to park there, if I couldn't afford a dirt cheap old banger to put there myself lol.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 17/04/2018 12:44

Oh how annoying

Why didn't you ask them to come to clear up in the first place though?

I have the horrible feeling their asking permission once will let them feel they can do it again, repeatedly as often as they wish, without clearing it with you.

You need to start using your drive, pronto, for something. Outdoor table tennis table, planters, any old shit.

BringMeCoffeePlease · 17/04/2018 12:45

Just say no OP.

If they ask why, tell them because it left mess last time.

BrownTurkey · 17/04/2018 12:49

I too bet she counts mentioning it as getting your agreement. Act pronto so they can't say you delayed their work.

Inertia · 17/04/2018 12:51

I would tell them in advance that it won’t be convenient this time due to your own plans.

They don’t need to know that your plans include looking at a clean, undamaged driveway.

Gardai · 17/04/2018 13:01

I agree with previous poster - if you don’t use the drive get some plant pots and do something with the space. Then you can say it doesn’t suit you to have the driveway ruined with a skip.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 17/04/2018 13:02

I'm afraid I agree with PPs - she thinks she's already asked just by mentioning it. If they can afford to have a complete new bathroom and kitchen, they can afford the extra (usually around £20 - £30) to have a skip permit.

I'd go round and say you hoped they weren't assuming they could use your drive again. I wouldn't give them reasons or they'll chew over them to convince themselves that you are being entirely unreasonable.

Jaxhog · 17/04/2018 13:06

Or....say no to the skip but they can park their car on your drive for the duration of the skip being there so they get all the shite on their land.
This would seem to be godd compromise that allows good relations to continue.

Or just say no.

TheJoyOfSox · 17/04/2018 13:07

Just politely say “I’m sorry, but it did become an inconvenience for me last time, “ and if pushed tell her that you didn’t think you would be left to clean up the small bits of debris off your driveway.

I know it’s sometimes hard to be firm when you feel you’re being put on the spot, but if you know the question is coming at least you can be ready with your answer this time.
Now practise saying it “no, I’m sorry, but it was an inconvenience for me last time”

Jaxhog · 17/04/2018 13:09

Ah, cross post. They don't have a drive. Just say no. Get some planters to block access.

Juells · 17/04/2018 13:12

Just say no. Anything else allows negotiation and wearing you down.

NoSquirrels · 17/04/2018 13:14

When they ask, you'll have to sadly say no this time, because you're going to be having some work done to the garden/driveway/guttering/whatever. But you haven't had a confirmation of the dates from the contractors yet ... what a nuisance!

Then of course you changed your mind about getting the builders in, or whatever, because they messed you around so long on dates Wink

Viviennemary · 17/04/2018 13:15

Just say no and that your insurance won't cover it. Maybe it's a white lie. But our drive got damaged once by a skip years ago. So it does happen.

DGRossetti · 17/04/2018 13:19

This would seem to be godd compromise that allows good relations to continue.

Continue Hmm ???

If they cared about good relations they would have (a) cleared up and apologised profusely; and (b) offered a small token (Wine, Cake) to say "thank you"

Dangerousmonkey · 17/04/2018 13:20

Any friends needing to keep a SORN vehicle?

mummymeister · 17/04/2018 13:20

the problem with letting neighbours use your land for anything, skips, access etc is that it creates a bit of a precedent with some people. they sort of organise things to suit them and just assuming that you will do what they want.

you don't need to make excuses or give reasons because its your land. yes, it could cause damage, look unsightly, attract vermin, be set on fire or a hundred other things but really at the end of the day its your land and you have every right to say no.

if these were neighbours who are also friends it would be different but they are using you for their convenience. no need to fall out with them or be nasty. just a straightforward "no, I don't agree with that"

DGRossetti · 17/04/2018 13:21

Surprised not to read the golden rule of Mumsnet here (one of the first I learned)

No is a complete sentence