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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for thinking I should say no to my neighbours putting a skip on my garden again?

215 replies

Gingernutsandtea · 17/04/2018 11:02

My neighbour asked me a few months ago if she and her DH could use my driveway to put a large skip on, so that they wouldn't have to apply for a skip permit and save money.
I don't use the drive and, as I felt like I was put on the spot and also because I try to be neighbourly, I agreed.
The lady said it'd only be there for about 5 days, and said that once they'd put their rubbish in I could feel free to put anything I wanted to get rid of if there was room.

Her DH filled the skip and put a cover over, held down by slabs, I'm assuming in order to prevent anyone else's rubbish going in. Fair enough, it was their skip after all.

The skip was removed and I was left feeling a bit narked that it was left to me to clear small bits of wood/rubbish etc that had been left on my garden. Furthermore, neither of the couple have since thanked me for allowing the use of my drive (although the wife did thank me when I initially agreed to the skip).

Now the lady is talking about having to get another skip soon after they have a kitchen and bathroom refit. I'm expecting to be asked again for the use of my driveway, but I anticipate I won't hardly get a thank you or even a bottle of wine as a thank you gesture , and I'll again be left to clear any mess left behind. I wouldn't mind so much if I felt my favour was appreciated.

AIBU to say no? How can I get out of it?

To add, the neighbours in question have never once done me any favours, in fact the DH tried to rip me off years back by trying to overcharge me for something. Nothing major, but won't go into it as it may out me! ....

OP posts:
DGRossetti · 17/04/2018 15:02

to make it v awkward and more obviously not an available space?

CKery really knows no shame ...

Weezol · 17/04/2018 15:09

To be said in passing in a gossipy/conspiratorial way:

'Could you give me the number of your plumber - you getting your bathroom done has got me thinking abou a few jobs myself. OMG , do you know, my SIL agreed to let her neighbour drop a skip on her drive as one off, like we did, and now her neighbours have assumed they can drop a skip whenever they want! What kind of a person does that? I mean, you or me, we'd never think that was okay. Honestly, what is the world coming to these days?'

MintyChops · 17/04/2018 15:46

Whitecups has given you a great suggestion.

SuitedandBooted · 17/04/2018 16:12

I would definitely refuse, using Whitecups suggestion. Bring the subject up yourself, when you next see them. Otherwise you will be coming home to a skip on your drive one day soon.

I'm not one for starting unnecessary arguments, but you really have to assert yourself with people like this. So often on MN people say you should "Take the high ground", or "Keep the peace", and "Not rise to it". All very reasonable, but people like your neighbours don't KNOW you are doing any of those things! All they know is that they made a request/demand, and you agreed. I doubt they even consider that you are being kind/sensible/adult. For many people, letting them have their way just confirms their belief that they are important, and you are weak.

Witchend · 17/04/2018 16:17

My neighbour's gave me £100 and cleared the drive totally, plus they let me put my stuff in too.
I'd let mine do it any time.

eddielizzard · 17/04/2018 16:27

whitecups' suggestion doesn't take into account that the dh covered the skip and held it down with slabs.

blueheaven97 · 17/04/2018 16:58

Personally I'd put a hedge or fence up to stop their teenagers from coming across, and I'd put a couple of plantpots in the driveway to stop them from putting anything on it. Then I'd spend the rest of my life completely ignoring them.

nocake · 17/04/2018 17:56

If they have one delivered put a post on your local FB group saying "we have a skip with space, if anyone wants to dump anything". It'll be full within 24 hours. Then you can call the skip company and have it removed.

Northernparent68 · 17/04/2018 17:59

Get a friend to park her car on your drive

Weezol · 17/04/2018 18:43

nocake I like your thinking.

Knittedfairies · 17/04/2018 19:29

You could say you would have to ask them to pay a deposit this time so that you can get someone in to do the clean-up, if necessary, as they left you with a mess last time. All you need to do then is to make the deposit £x more than the cost of a license..

MintyChops · 17/04/2018 19:32

Eddie, for me the beauty of Whitecup’s suggestion was that the neighbors will find it hard to argue with. Doesn’t matter that it’s not true, it’s about making it easier on the OP to assert herself.

Original poster
Gingernutsandtea · 18/04/2018 08:29

PoisonousSmurf, they haven't got a drive and park their car on the road.

facedontfit, when I said they could put the skip on my drive I only meant that one time. Although I agree that the CF's will probably make out that they thought I've given them permission for whenever else they want to dump a skip there. If they do order one I'll get it removed asap.

whitecups, I think your idea is good too, unfortunately I believe if I say I'm worried about skip raiders etc they'll come up with some way of persuading me to still allow it, as a pp said, the husband will likely just say he'll secure it with a thick plastic sheeting like he did last time making sure I couldn't attempt to get fuck all in it

Thanks for everyone's ideas, as I said, I've realised that my neighbours are just a pair of CF's and I've decided that if I'm asked again for the use of my drive I shall just tell them NO.
If they ask why (it'll be the wife who asks as he never really speaks much to me) I'll just tell her the truth. That I feel annoyed that I barely got a thank you last time, that they didn't have the decency to clear up after the skip went, and that I don't see why I should do her dh a favour when he barely speaks to me or my dc's. And I'll remind her of the time he once tried to rip me off (which I brushed under the carpet like a twat).
I'll also say how I got the impression he purposely covered the skip with heavy slabs in order to stop me benefiting even slightly from being able to put one or two things in.

If they get the arse, so what? It'd be no loss to me as, as I've previously said, they've never done me any favours at all. In fact, over the years its twatto here me that's done things for them. No more.

I'm glad I posted here because everyone has made me realise that I'm not being awkward and over the top. Thank you!

OP posts:
TeeBee · 18/04/2018 08:42

You could say that you've joined the Park on My Drive scheme and need to leave if vacant...or fuck off.

DGRossetti · 18/04/2018 10:27

So often on MN people say you should "Take the high ground", or "Keep the peace", and "Not rise to it". All very reasonable, but people like your neighbours don't KNOW you are doing any of those things!

Oh, they know alright. They just don't care.

This is how people like this get away with it. They simply act in ways that reasonable people would never dream of, and work in the space of disbelief they create.

DPotter · 18/04/2018 10:35

If you are asked again and they ask for reasons why - just say it's not convenient. If you give chapter and ask as to the reasons, they'll come back with solutions. For example - they didn't tidy up the rubbish afterwards - they will say that we will this time. Especially if you feel they may be able to persuade you or you feel awkward - say 'No. It'e not convenient' and repeat

Juells · 18/04/2018 10:43

You don't have to give reasons!!!!!!!

As you said in a previous post... Fuck em!

No apologies, no reasons, they're CFs. And I'd tell their CF children to stop walking across your property as well.

Juells · 18/04/2018 10:46

@DGRossetti They simply act in ways that reasonable people would never dream of, and work in the space of disbelief they create.

That's the absolute best, most succinct description I've ever read of how CFs operate.

FlippingFoal · 18/04/2018 11:44

OP also tell them that you no longer give their kids permission to use your drive as a cut through. If they do this long enough they could claim it is a right of way

Leeds2 · 18/04/2018 12:34

If I were you, I would install a hedge/fence to prevent the children cutting through the garden. I would also try and put something on the drive which will make it impossible for anyone to put a skip there. You just sense that the neighbours won't ask, but will assume and it will be very difficult/awkward for you then to get rid of it.

ChasedByBees · 18/04/2018 13:00

I know you’ll get it moved but that is going to cause friction so I would tell them in advance that they can’t use it. You are being perfectly reasonable.

Juells · 18/04/2018 13:04

I don't know if it's still the case, but I thought it used to be that if access is permitted (permitted being 'not objected to') for a year and a day then a RoW was established. But maybe that should be filed in the same pigeonhole as 'common law wife' Grin

Furano · 18/04/2018 13:09

Just say no.

No need to get into reasons.

Highhorse1981 · 18/04/2018 13:10

I’d let them but I’d say

“Sure, but this time could you please tidy up afterwards, as it was a bit of a mess. And whilst you’re here, I know it’s tempting to take a short cut but I’d be grateful if you could ask your teens not to walk across my front lawn”

Highhorse1981 · 18/04/2018 13:14

I’ve just had builders in and they used a skip. They also secured with tarpaulin and slabs. Not to stop anyone putting stuff in (what’s to stop people lifting the slabs?) but to stop stuff bowing away