Is 40 too late ?

[Onthewrongsideof30]

AIBU to think waiting to having a baby until 40 is an option?
Currently 37, DH 44. Fit active non smokers etc, etc been trying to conceive for nearly 2 years - no luck. Been for fertility tests - no known issues with DH or myself. But the emotional roller coaster of being disappointed every month is driving me crazy and causing me and DH to fight. IVF not an option to us right now. I want to shove it on the back burner and just enjoy my lovely life. Focus on my relationship with DH, enjoy our beautiful home, enjoy my career and achieve some fitness goals and re address again in 3 years or would that be foolish ?

Sorry seen clomid was mentioned above. My friend has beautiful twins girls after years of trying before clomid.

(Been to see a fertility specialist and no reasons were found as to why we can conceive)

Yes 2 years here and then a lovely clomid baby and many other friends it worked for. I was kicking myself for not having tried it sooner.

By the way there are other options apart from adoption ....

If you've been trying for a couple of years with no success, I wouldn't wait. Time is not on your side.

We had a 2 year shagathon

Then desperate measures were introduced. We undertook what I now refer to as the 30 day shred and boom. Baby.

The 30 days is DTD every night from about day 3 (you might still be menstruating, if not, crack on) and then legs in the air for 20. The doctor helpfully cautioned not more than once a day like that needed saying

My husband has low fertility and I have had 6 pregnancies.

That’s not unusual. We are unexplained too, there is a lot they don’t know about infertility.

Stress does not stop you conceiving 🙄

Being fit and active does not mean that your fertility is good. It takes an average of a year to get pregnant, so you are already finding it harder than most to get pregnant. Also IVF is not successful for most people.

Another +1 for clomid.
I was 29, ttc for 2 years, no problems detected for either of us.
Conceived after 1-2 months of clomid, then 2 year's later after 1-2 months ttc with no clomid.
I think it kick started me :)

Your outlook is sensible, but not leaving it that long.

Get on the fertility boards here if you haven't even heard of clomid! There are options before IVF.

Yes to back burner for 6 months and lots of sex and focusing on other stuff. No to leaving until you're 40.

Tackle DH's reluctance - your marriage will be completely different to that of his bro. It's more likely that you'll have issues if he just refuses to go for IVF because of his brother's experience than anything else.

Stress does not stop you conceiving

Well it would make sense evolution wise if it did!

Have you had any tests i.e. hormone/blood/sperm tests or other investigations? Even if you don't qualify for IVF you might be able to get some tests done on the NHS, and also clomid as others have suggested.

If you had no reason to suspect fertility issues then waiting until 40 would be reasonable (if not optimal). But since you know that you have fertility issues - even if they're not picked up by tests, something is preventing you from conceiving - I think you'd be mad.

I'd keep trying.

Another vote for clomid here... we'd been trying for over 2 years without success before I took one course of clomid (I was 37), we got lucky and now we have a 3 year old DD!
Good luck with whatever you decide to do OP! X

@purplegreen99 - have had full spectrum of tests - no issues. Not in the uk - so NHS isn't available

At 40 you need to shit or get off the pot.

For me, clomid didn't work, ivf did. But I was only given a 10% chance of success, and put off doing it until I felt able to accept those poor odds. What made me ready to go for it was my GP telling me that my depression was a lot to do with the fact that I was 'living on the fence' - unable to move on, unable to take the gamble, caught up about how unfair the whole situation was. He was right.

The thing is no one on the internet can really provide you with personal information about your own, personal chances of having a baby now or in three years time, all people can do is say what worked/didn't work for themselves or other people they know.

If you're not ready to go for ivf but you are looking for information to help you decide your approach, then would it be worth, for example, taking a couple of months completely off (including staying away from internet forums like this one, btw, or you'll be on the hook of other people's experiences and solutions) and then researching a really good private clinic and getting a one-off appointment with a consultant to discuss your own personal situation in depth? And then taking as long as you need just to reflect and decide what to do?

You do sound like you need a break though. Just start on one - no need to decide the end date right now?

Clomid doesn't work for everyone - it didn't for me! :(

Chlomid didn't work at all for us. We ended up having IVF.

My friend used a specialist thermometer thing called Ovusense. Wore it for a month to predict peak time and then the next month she conceived. She'd been trying for years so was overjoyed. Wish I'd known about it as I had bad reactions to Chlomid and IVF.

What are the adverse reactions to clomid ?

If you both definitely want a child then it is not sensible to wait 3 years given your age and 2 years of unsuccessful trying (sorry). Look at the IVF stats, there is a massive drop off at 40.If you feel like you need a break, could you take say a 3-4 month break for the summer and then get going? if IVF is too full on there are books you could read to try and help egg and sperm quality in the meantime (it starts with the egg, baby making bible, inconceivable) and are you taking temp to ensure timing is right? OPK sticks weren't reliable for me). Good luck x

We had IVF (not through fertility issues but genetic issues) and the process took us about 2 years so if you really want a child then I wouldn't wait any longer. If you turn 40, start trying and then do IVF then there is less chance that will work due to the quality of your eggs,

Sorry but if you want children then yes it would be foolish to pospone TTC in your age, especially as you might still need IVF. Look at the statistcs, they are sobering:

the percentage of IVF treatments that resulted in a live birth:

•27.7% for women aged 35 to 37.
•20.8% for women aged 38 to 39.
•13.6% for women aged 40 to 42.
•5% for women aged 43 to 44.
•1.9% for women aged over 44.

Clomid can cause flushing, blurred vision or other visual disturbances, or. ovarian enlargement presenting as abdominal or pelvic pain, tenderness, pressure, or swelling. Clomid may increase the likelihood of multiple births.