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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to work that hard

454 replies

Greentomato82 · 16/04/2018 23:17

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Vitalogy · 18/04/2018 15:42

But if we haven't had a revolution yet, we're not going to. We can have one if we want one. The minions have power, we just don't use it.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/04/2018 15:54

Picking up on a PP: trade isn't a bad thing and nor is making stuff that no one actually needs but which is beautiful, or interesting, or fun.

One of the biggest problems (if not THE biggest problems) regarding the idea of a 'work ethic' is that the people who are very keen on demanding hard work from others define it in rather narrow terms - and there is a general unthinking perception of work as stuff you do for wages. There are things people spend time doing which are dull, or tiring, or gross, but necessary (which do not necessarily command a wage - no one cleans a toilet bowl for pleasure (OK except maybe a very niche group of fetishists) or gets a sense of satisfaction out of lugging the weekly shop and the toddler's buggy home on three different buses and up a steep hill). There are things which involve expending a lot of effort with a desirable end result: if you want to play a musical instrument really well, you will need to practice a lot, and practice the less interesting stuff like playing scales and doing finger exercises.
Being free of paid employment doesn't mean you sit on your arse watching TV or funny cat videos on your phone all day. There are all sorts of useful/necessary/life-enhancing things you can spend your time doing - it's just that (according to that aspect of contemporary thinking that is pushed by the tabloids and the government) if you are not obediently performing tasks designed to make someone else wealthier in exchange for your subsistence, you are not 'working' and are therefore lazy, greedy, ungrateful, parasitic and fair game for any torments your 'betters' can devise.

PrivateParkin · 18/04/2018 16:31

Completely agree Reanimated - sometimes it's as though a person's value is only worth measuring in terms of what they contribute to the GDP! There are so many other things that make the world go round, but they tend to be massively lost sight of "these days".

Audree · 18/04/2018 16:37

Speakout, I’ve been a SAHM and no, I didn’t feel like I contributed to a cause. My contribution was invaluable for my family and I feel lucky I was able to do that when kids were little.
All I’m stating is the reasons why I found in my work the fulfillment I couldn’t find anywhere else. The “higher cause” doesn’t have to be the same for everyone.

cjferg · 18/04/2018 16:40

ReanimatedSGB

This is so true.

Also when people do find themselves in a position where they don't have to work in the traditional sense they have no clue what to do because their senses of self are so often tied strongly to their job, and when you work 40 hours a week it's hard to have the time/energy to pursue hobbies and actual interests.
Which is why people spend all their free time watching cat videos or whatever.

speakout · 18/04/2018 16:54

Audree - we all have different perspectives.

You felt lucky to be a SAHM- my choices were very limited. Working would have been difficult for me.

expatinscotland · 18/04/2018 18:09

YANBU

ChainVaper · 18/04/2018 18:16

OP spot on.

Mummadeeze · 18/04/2018 18:18

I love my job. I look forward to weekdays and weekends equally. I feel very lucky to be in this position, but I think it is because I have found the perfect job to suit my personality and interests. Many aspects of job are what I would be doing if I was filling spare time anyway... the added bonus is that I love my colleagues and I feel valued and appreciated by them so all in all, I doubt I would give up work if I won the lottery. Maybe those of you who don't like working simply haven't found the right job to make you change your mind?!

bitmynailbrokemytooth · 18/04/2018 18:26

YANBU. I am all about the work- life balance and have been talking to DD about it, just a couple of days ago.

BWatchWatcher · 18/04/2018 18:28

So long as you don’t want me to pay for your children, lifestyle or your retirement through my taxes go ahead.

TERFousBreakdown · 18/04/2018 18:30

@Mummadeeze, that is brilliant. And I totally get this because I'm in the very same position.

However, I think PP have stated very eloquently that being in a job we bloody love surrounded by people we want around us just isn't really an option for everyone for a wide variety of reasons.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that it isn't quite as simple as as people just finding their 'thing'. And, also, that people like us are incredibly privileged. I think we should acknowledge this more.

FWIW, this thread has inspired me to tell my wonderful boss and lovely team that I'm grateful for them and that they make my world better. They thought I must be bonkers but we're all really chuffed. Grin

Carrotcakeorchocolatemuffin · 18/04/2018 18:32

I would very happily work fewer hours/days and could manage the pay cut. However part time work is frowned upon and refused at my workplace!

Oly5 · 18/04/2018 18:33

I love my job and have never once hated going to work. It’s a vocation. I also love long evenings and weekends with my kids and lovely holidays with them. I think I’m lucky to work in a job I love!

Perimenirant · 18/04/2018 18:34

For me, it is not that I don't want to work hard. It is more a case of I have no loyalty to any company. I used to work in HR and have seen many things that have made me think that companies have zero loyalty to you and will happily screw with your life, with no concern for the ripple effects, just to save a few pounds.

I used to work for a company overseas that was owned by a billionaire. The staff worked till 8/9pm each night and worked half day Saturday. Well, no one got out till 4pm. We in HR would bring up the subject of Sat once in a while and the owner would basically say that his staff wanted to work on weekends for him. I was the only woman in that office who was married because no one had a social life. There were women there who were late 50's who had no friends or partner as work was their life. After I had a DC they offered me p/t then retracted it on my mat leave as it would "set a precedent".

I would work my socks off for myself in my own company but will never again go the extra mile or sacrifice my personal life for a company. I am a SAHM now, but would like to go back to work but only for a bit of adult chat and the money to facilitate the life we want.

ForalltheSaints · 18/04/2018 18:49

I enjoy the work I do and most of the people I work with, but primarily it is the means to put the roof over my head, and the money to enjoy the things I want to do.

forgettingnames · 18/04/2018 18:57

I became a SAHM through forced circumstances 6 months ago and initially was shocked by how deeply I hated it. I hated not having my own money, independence, feeling ashamed when with other people who were talking about their jobs. I very keenly felt my how status at the bottom of the social hierarchy.
Starting to enjoy it a bit more now! Quite like not working! Financial dependence and insecurity sucks though!

forgettingnames · 18/04/2018 18:58

That should have said 'low status'.

AskBasil · 18/04/2018 19:21

I'm very lucky, I love my job, it's fun, interesting, challenging. Yes it has its frustrations, but it's fine. It's 4 days a week so I have a good work life balance and it's not very well paid (it's in the public sector) but it's just about enough for me to scrape by with the occasional treat and the security of being able to deal with needing a new washing machine etc., wihtout that being nervous breakdown territory.

I work really hard when I'm at work and I am very committed and take it very seriously and very much enjoy it. But when I come home, I more or less forget about it. And that works really well for me.

AskBasil · 18/04/2018 19:22

And I love that I'm in a job where when I'm there I really don't have time to think about other stuff. It's completely absorbing, but that' great.

TheJoyOfSox · 18/04/2018 19:37

You don’t have to work hard. Work 16 hours a week, and take time to enjoy life. Just don’t complain when you can’t afford to holiday, or visit anywhere, or that you’re living on rice and beans and your house hasn’t been decorated in eleventy million years, because without working for a living I don’t know how I’d have the money for all the fun that life holds.

Better still, live on benefits and free up that last 16 hours a week, you can watch Judge Rinder everyday, just as long as you can put 50p in your electric.

auditqueen · 18/04/2018 19:58

There is so much life outside work if we are in a position to enjoy that.

I and many others who love their jobs are well aware of that. We just love our jobs and want them as part of our lives. It doesn't mean we can't appreciate other things in life. They must fit in around our passion.

I find this whole looking down on us wage slaves thing to be a very smug aspect of MN and one I never see in RL.

SerenDippitty · 18/04/2018 20:03

YANBU OP. I like my job. But I’ve been working full time continuously for 37 years and as things stand I’m thinking about taking my pension and leaving in three years when I get to 60.

Roversandrhodes · 18/04/2018 20:13

I agree with you .Im anything but lazy but have to admit I’m not particularly ambitious or driven career wise and tbh it’s really just not that important to me ! I work because I need to pay the bills but I sometimes feel like I should be more career orientated but I’m just not and really I shouldn’t feel like I have to be

RingtheBells · 18/04/2018 20:16

I’m 60 and taking my main private pension, I also work 2 days a week as an admin assistant which is about right, I saw no point in waiting until I was 66 before taking my pension and feel much more relaxed in myself. I have a small workplace pension which I am still saving a small amount into which I will take when I decide retire completely