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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to work that hard

454 replies

Greentomato82 · 16/04/2018 23:17

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Kursk · 18/04/2018 11:51

Was talking to DH about this, if we won the lottery he would keep working for a while. He wants to teach the kids to have a strong work ethic. He doesn’t want them to see him lazing around all day.

If you want something you have to work for it.

speakout · 18/04/2018 11:54

Some of us also let work define who we area, say we would be "bored" at home etc.

Jobs can be so demanding that we have little energy and time for other things.

There is so much life outside work if we are in a position to enjoy that.

nursy1 · 18/04/2018 11:58

frankchickens
Love Byron.

NameChanger22 · 18/04/2018 11:59

I agree.

I like hard work. When I'm at home I'm always working on one project or another. I don't like sitting around doing nothing. But, I HATE my job because my line manager is a complete bully who makes my working life terrible. I'm very stressed almost all the time. It's not even worth it financially as I only earn a low income. I would stop this job tomorrow if I could and concentrate on doing the things I love doing. Luckily I only work part-time, so at least work hasn't taken over my life completely.

LaurieMarlow · 18/04/2018 12:01

Firstly, just to say that I believe SAHMs are contributing to a higher cause.

Also while many jobs are " worthy"- nursing, teaching etc, many are just making and selling shit that no-one needs.

However, I object to this because we live in a capitalist society and we need these jobs you believe to be unworthy to generate income and fund everything else. No teachers and nurses without a consumer economy.

It may not be the ideal way to run society , but it is the system we operate under.

speakout · 18/04/2018 12:01

Kursk fair enough- if that's what your OH would do with his time if he won the lottery- "laze around all day". I would suggest that indicates he really doesn't have much a of a work effort.

Think of all the amazing things you could do if you won the lottery- rather than just staying on in your job.

You could start a business, help fund and build schools or wells for fresh water for villages in the world that in desperate need.
You could do charity work, set up a trust fund for enterprise, you would have time to work with the homeless, to advocate for the disadvantaged, so many ways you could contribute.

I know if I won the lottery I would not "laze around all day"- my life would be bursting with activity- but I wouldn't be doing the 9-5.

nursy1 · 18/04/2018 12:03

If you want something you have to work for it
Not true for every one but yes.
I think we ( not we, mostly the young) have a chance to redefine the world over the next two or three decades. We must have Gov that make sure the profits from automation are equally shared amongst the population.
Who knows what the world might invent or become if the pressures on people to work for basic existence ease.

blueheaven97 · 18/04/2018 12:06

I completely agree with the OP. For a while I tried to be ambitious and hard-working because our culture tells us that's what we're supposed to be. Whatever your job is or your role is within the company, you're meant to want to move up to the next level. It's drummed into us that we should never be content with what we have - we should always want more. Then a few things happened to me at work that left me feeling undervalued and misunderstood, and it was like a huge curtain was lifted - so screw this. I earn enough money that I'm comfortable. I'm not a big earner and I'm far from being wealthy, but I earn enough. I could try to earn more by taking on more responsibility but I don't want the increased workload and increased stress that comes with that. I get the impression that a lot of very senior high-earners are over-worked and unhappy, and I don't want that for myself. So now I do what I have to and that's it. I feel I'm still reliable and good at my job and easy to work with, but I don't stay late and I don't check my emails from home and I don't think about work for even one second when I'm outside the office. I like my life outside work, and increasingly I just see work as an annoying inconvenient thing I have to do to fund my life. In a way it's ironic because I didn't used to have this attitude but it was my employer's own actions and desire to push everyone to be more ambitious that directly lead to me feeling this way. Possibly their loss, definitely my gain.

NameChanger22 · 18/04/2018 12:06

Also while many jobs are " worthy"- nursing, teaching etc, many are just making and selling shit that no-one needs.

Some people are selling shit that no-one needs and some people are selling beautiful things that no-one needs. I don't think a nurse or a teacher is more valuable to society than an artist or craftsman. We all need pleasure in our lives too, otherwise life is just about survival.

speakout · 18/04/2018 12:10

NameChanger22 and yet caring and nurturing are so undervalued in society, especially if is unpaid work.

NameChanger22 · 18/04/2018 12:20

Nursing and teaching is not that badly paid any more. Many of the other jobs women often do - secretarial, admin, civil service, catering, hospitality, retail etc pay much, much less than teaching and nursing. I agree that nursery assistants are very badly paid.

FluctuatNecMergitur · 18/04/2018 12:30

Making and selling shit no-one needs is leading the planet into environmental disaster.

NameChanger22 · 18/04/2018 12:41

I thought it was driving cars and eating meat that was doing that.

Kursk · 18/04/2018 12:57

speakout

I did ask him what he/we would do when he did stop working.

He would want withdraw all the money in cash, buy a homestead in a remote part of the US and live off the land. ( what we do now but bigger and better) so Hunting, fishing, chopping firewood, growing food

The remaining money would be buried on the property somewhere

He is very active so has a skewed idea of laziness he works 40 hrs a week and probably the same again on our homestead

speakout · 18/04/2018 13:00

kursk- it was you who said "He doesn’t want them to see him lazing around all day. " ( if your OH won the lottery) .

I took that at face value.

user1985 · 18/04/2018 13:08

I tell my husband all the time that I only want to work part-time and ill eat beans on toast 3 days a week to make up for it.. always goes down well. Husband actually enjoys his job.. what a geek. :P

I completely agree with OP.

ReanimatedSGB · 18/04/2018 13:08

Hmm, Kursk, I'd be careful of that. He sounds unimaginative and possibly a bit of a bully. There is no merit in making life harder for yourself (chopping wood and scrubbing floors and living without plumbing) if you don't need to - and you might not want to find yourself in the Little Woman role of having to obey the Mighty Hunter in some ghastly wilderness with no wifi - and no proper medical care.

This is one of the things I loathe just as much about wankers who bang on about downsizing and the simple life when they are, in fact, quite comfortably off. All these men (it's very often men) who idealise subsistence farming as some sort of pure moral way of living, when the industrial revolution was actually supposed to make our lives better by removing the need for physically exhausting, low-yield, time-devouring labour. And the mostly-men who fetishise subsistence farming tend to be very keen on getting women back to scrubbing floors, sewing, cooking, dressing 'modestly' etc...

nursy1 · 18/04/2018 13:15

nursing and teaching are not that badly paid anymore

You have to be joking! Don’t know about teaching but nursing. Three years of degree level training. Five years further specialist training. I now earn more than the average wage and the pension I’ve accumulated is good but in any other profession I think I’d be on a lot more As someone else said, the caring sector very undervalued

nursy1 · 18/04/2018 13:20

the industrial revolution was actually supposed to make our lives better by removing the need for physically exhausting, low-yield, time-devouring labour

I think if you had gone from the autonomy of a weavers cottage into t’ mill you might find it the other way round.
Agree with your other points though.

Kursk · 18/04/2018 13:34

ReanimatedSGB

He he! You have it completely backwards. I am the one pushing for an all natural healthy, back to basics lifestyle. In the relationship he is definitely not the bully

Yes there is no point making life harder unnecessarily, but are actively trying to remove ourselves from society. That means not having access to piped water, sewe, power or gas we haven’t completely cut the umbilical cord yet but we are trying.

speakout the lazing around phrase was his I repeated but should have clarified,

ReanimatedSGB · 18/04/2018 13:36

Nursy1: Yes, there were people who were quick to work out its potential for exploiting others, but then again, tenant farmers who had to give a percentage of the crops and yields to the landowner and show due deference didn't necessarily have that good a time of it either.

MrsPepperpot79 · 18/04/2018 14:19

I personally feel trapped in having to work if I want any sort of income when I retire (not a homeowner, never likely to be). So, although DP (much older) is talking about retiring early in 10 years or so and moving away and renting his home to fund it, I am worried that (not being married) I won't inherit anything if he dies, and if I don't keep working wont have pension to fund rent either...

My job is interesting, and I enjoy (most) of it, but if I won the lottery I definitely wouldnt still be there...

Asthenia · 18/04/2018 14:29

I am currently desperately trying to find a 4 day week job in the sector I work in but it’s proving nearly impossible! Recruiters/interviewers are always shocked when I enquire about doing 4 days and ask if I have children. Can they really not conceive of not wanting to work 5 days a week? I find it exhausting, stressful and depressing, even though I like my job. Friday nights are a write off as I’m tired, Saturdays are spent getting things done/trying to socialise and Sundays are spent doing more chores and worrying about work the next day. I hate the 5 day week.

Teacuphiccup · 18/04/2018 14:29

You need to sort your wills pepperpot!!

SpringNowPlease2018 · 18/04/2018 15:00

Reanimate, everything you say makes me want to be your best mate Blush

Yes the Luddites got a bad press.

I remember years ago, my dad tried to explain to me why he thought more commercialism was a good thing. At the time, I was working on typing up interviews held with unemployed people who had largely lost jobs through the constant mergers and takeovers in a particular industry. I said to him "why the fuck would I care more about YET MORE choice on the high street than I do about the casualties of these systems?"

And the bloody shareholders! I don't have a pension because it's too much loss of control over my own earnings so I'm much more worried about what people are paid.

But if we haven't had a revolution yet, we're not going to.

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