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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to not want to work that hard

454 replies

Greentomato82 · 16/04/2018 23:17

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 17/04/2018 20:44

gwen I have 2DC who will most probably need some sort of support their whole lives. This sort of care isn't cheap and there is zero guarantee that the costs of this will be covered by the government. DH and I would prefer to make sure our DC are fully provided for. This isn't about being able to get them into a top tier private school or providing them with a deposit for their first home. I expect that DS will need to be in some sort of sheltered housing as an adult. One day DH and I won't be around and I don't want DS to be a burden for our DDs. The money we save now will hopefully eliminate the financial burden for them.

Want2bSupermum · 17/04/2018 20:52

spring Those networking groups are full of self employed posers. I went to one such meeting and it was mainly parents who wanted an excuse to not be a SAHP. I felt for a couple of the people there who really were trying to make a go of their businesses.

Gwenhwyfar · 17/04/2018 20:53

"spending your life working hard on something worthwhile is surely a big win, "

Why? Why not work softly at something worthwhile?

Spaghettijumper · 17/04/2018 20:56

Generally Gwen because most worthwhile things (being a parent for example) require hard work to do the well

Spaghettijumper · 17/04/2018 20:57

To do them well

Gwenhwyfar · 17/04/2018 20:58

" those of you who inherited wealth, or married wealth: it's not that you are bad or wrong for choosing to 'follow your dream' and write poetry or do crystal healing or open a little cupcake shop that keeps afloat because of family money. It's just that you need to be aware that you are lucky and STFU about how other people could have what you have if they 'worked harder'. No: it's not your hard work alone that has given you the life you have now, even if you have worked hard - it's the advantages you started with which have contributed more."

Same can be said to those who work hard at successful careers. They are lucky that they are very good at what they do and are in jobs where promotion is possible. Why is it OK for those lucky people to go on about it whereas the ones with rich families should shut up?

Spaghettijumper · 17/04/2018 21:11

Gwen plenty of people start at the very bottom rung of a company in a basic job (not one that doesn't necessarily require huge intelligence and skill), learn and work up. That requires motivation and determination rather than luck

Gwenhwyfar · 17/04/2018 21:18

"plenty of people start at the very bottom rung of a company in a basic job (not one that doesn't necessarily require huge intelligence and skill), learn and work up. That requires motivation and determination rather than luck"

No. Plenty of people don't do that. It's very rare, unless by "bottom" rung you mean something like a graduate trainee rather than office junior or cleaner. The hospital porter can work his arse off, he'll never work his way up to consultant. He might never even make head porter even if he works very hard at portering.

Spaghettijumper · 17/04/2018 21:21

Yes plenty of people do. Can you seriously think of no way that a hospital porter can develop his skills?

Lilymossflower · 17/04/2018 21:24

I AGREE.

We have all been tricked.

www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/356206651750078036/

Gwenhwyfar · 17/04/2018 21:27

"Can you seriously think of no way that a hospital porter can develop his skills?"

In his own time yes by going to evening classes or doing the Open University. I don't think he'd learn much through doing the actual job though. I don't know much about hospital portering, it was just an example, but plenty of unskilled jobs don't teach their holders anything useful to help them move up in the company and very often being in a lowly job somewhere makes it harder to get a better job there as people see you in a certain way.

Vitalogy · 17/04/2018 21:29

I agree OP. More and more people are waking up to the con.

Spaghettijumper · 17/04/2018 21:30

You certainly see them a certain way! Portering isn't a nothing job where you learn nothing - no job is like that.

SpringNowPlease2018 · 17/04/2018 21:33

In terms of my day job, luck has been a big factor and I admit that freely. I get annoyed when people who are lucky won't admit it.

Re the networking groups, yes, I met one woman who was genuinely brilliant, she and I both left the group quite fast and just go out together which is nice.

ReanimatedSGB · 17/04/2018 21:36

Unfortunately hospital portering, like a great many jobs which count as 'unskilled' but do in fact require the developing of certain skills, is now mostly subcontracted out to agencies, and agencies have no interest in encouraging their staff to progress/aquire additional skills/move into management. This is one of the other serious problems with the whole world of work - the subcontracting out of necessary but not particularly glamorous jobs by eg the NHS, schools etc to agency staff. In order for the agency to make a profit and the client to be given the same service for less money, well... where do you think the savings are made?

Gwenhwyfar · 17/04/2018 21:38

"Portering isn't a nothing job where you learn nothing - no job is like that."

I made it clear that it was just an example didn't I?
And I'm sorry, but there are jobs where you don't learn anything. I've done jobs where part time student workers could replace me and jobs including some tasks that small children could do.

Spaghettijumper · 17/04/2018 21:40

If you find jobs so easy Gwen, moving up to more complex/skilled jobs should be easy for you

NoPoxPlease · 17/04/2018 21:44

So right Op, I don't buy into the valour of work either. Isn't there a mag called The Idler

mygoditsfullofstars · 17/04/2018 21:45

Totally agree OP. I think we have all been brainwashed into believing there is no alternative other than work whereas really it is a way for a few rich and powerful people to get extremely rich whilst maintaining the status quo. It's not all that different from landowners and serfs except these days we're fed the lie that we need all these material luxuries and the only way to get them is to go to work and earn money, 5 days a week for decades of ones lives. It's all a complete con and if people looked past the capitalist curtain they would see the wizard is not all that great and powerful but needs the plebs to believe in order to keep the insecurity and need for the next paycheck going.

Hopefully millenials (and technology) will put an end to this nonsense that you have to spend most of your life on the hamster wheel of capitalism in order to have any value and a good life. It's so depressing (we need a revolution).

sosadforhim · 17/04/2018 21:53

Time and time again I see people having worked themselves to the bone, only to get ill at retirement age. All those years of work, work, work and now they can't fully enjoy the pay off at the end.

I have no pension and I'm in my early 40's, but fortunately bills are low. I'm realising that I'd rather sacrifice a days wage and have time on my own with my (free) hobby, than spend money on fancy meaningless crap, or spend my days living for the weekend. Trying to encourage my dh to do the same. Perhaps we both won't. I really want to though!

Of the 365 days in a year, only 104 of those are weekend days. If you hate your job then Sunday Blues might set in, almost cancelling out a Sunday. Which means some people might only have 52 care-free happy days (Saturdays) a year.

As others have said, in a perfect world we'd all have hugely satisfying jobs where we don't have to work so hard. Most people don't have the luxury to flirt with the idea of part-time/easier work/work-life balance scenarios. They've just got to get on with it and work hard to pay the bills. I suppose then, this could be classed as a First World Problem?

SciFiFan2015 · 17/04/2018 22:05

I think that finding ikigai is the solution to The fetishisation of hard work.
medium.com/thrive-global/ikigai-the-japanese-secret-to-a-long-and-happy-life-might-just-help-you-live-a-more-fulfilling-9871d01992b7

I am extremely fortunate and I count my blessings daily. I'm in a job I enjoy, that makes a difference for thousands of women and girls, I have a great work-life balance and earn enough. My DH is in a job he tolerates, is good at and earns enough.

I work 4 days a week. I don't think I'll ever go back to working full-time

I have found ikigai. This has been a fascinating thread. Thanks op.

AIBU to not want to work that hard
Gwenhwyfar · 17/04/2018 22:46

"If you find jobs so easy Gwen, moving up to more complex/skilled jobs should be easy for you"

Not sure where the logic is there. If you do unskilled jobs, you're unskilled and you can't move up!

Gwenhwyfar · 17/04/2018 22:47

"Of the 365 days in a year, only 104 of those are weekend days. If you hate your job then Sunday Blues might set in, almost cancelling out a Sunday. Which means some people might only have 52 care-free happy days (Saturdays) a year. "

This. When I'm unhappy at work I don't enjoy the weekends either. Constantly worrying about going back to work on Monday.

Tantrumschmantrum · 17/04/2018 23:07

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/english.emmaclit.com/2017/10/05/work-why/amp/ this thread reminded me if this article. I thought it was interesting anyway...

PrivateParkin · 18/04/2018 00:31

Out of interest does anyone know how the Monday-Friday week / 9-5 came about?

The patriarchy?