AIBU to not want to work that hard

[Greentomato82]

Not about SAHM / WOHM but about work generally, men and women alike, DC or no DC. Reading a lot of threads on here people often say they work mainly because they 'want' to work and that it's an important part of their identity etc. I know that some jobs are a real vocation, and obviously we all need money, but surely lots of jobs are a bit meh really and with a lottery win most of us would give it up or at least treat it as more of a hobby? I just seem to hear this more and more, lots about career building and ambition. Frankly I am not going to change the word any time soon and that suits me just fine. I want to rebel a bit and enjoy life. We generally work at least 9-5, 5 days a week for decades to pay the mortgage and bills because that's what we're supposed to do. Those at the top get richer and I can't help but feel like we're gradually being coaxed into a trap of believing our work is more important than it is to justify spending so much time there. I don't like that schools are focused on creating a 'productive' workforce of tomorrow, or that I'm viewed as a unit of productivity and the obsession with GDP. We're not ants surely? Am I the only grumpy one that wants to go off grid and hibernate from all the busy productive people. I'm not lazy but I just don't get it. AIBU?

WRT the fetishization of hard work - IMO hard work can be extremely beneficial, satisfying, enjoyable and fulfilling but only if you believe in the work you are doing and feel it in some way means something. So hard work in itself isn't a bad thing - spending your life working hard on something worthwhile is surely a big win, in fact - it's more the nature of the hard work that's the issue.

There's no getting away from the fact that if you work in someone else's company then inevitably you are going to be working to build an asset for the company owner, you are working essentially to make them wealthier and more secure. If the job suits you and you're doing something you are interested in, that may not bother you, given that the owner also takes on the risk and stress of owning the company. But if you'd rather do something else that means more to you, or be that owner, then you can do that, bu ti isn't easy. Thing is, you will have to work hard, but that hard work will actually be getting you somewhere, so chances are you won't find it nearly as soul destroying - you may find you actually love it and do it instead of relaxing!

Thanks for the explanation TinaTop, I guess at least 5 days is better than 6 in that case!

oh the obsession with GDP - don't get me started!

I also don't do stuff and brands etc

the poster who is retiring at 42 - great stuff.

See I love my job and work somewhere between part-full time hours over slightly longer days so I have some weekdaysdays at home too . Perfect balance for me .

But generally speaking I agree ! And it does feel like a bit of a trap . Both partners often working full time but not Massivley better off than precious years . Wish everyone could just work less but still earn the same

chocolate Thank you for apologizing. I've had a tougher time being a parent than I ever imagined.

firststep Seriously. Quit while you are ahead. It's not smug to work hard to provide for family because no one else is. There are so many families that have met and continue to meet who can't afford the necessary therapy for their DC. The amount of therapy available in the UK is shockingly awful and so many families are really struggling.

I'm thankful I can work now to ensure my DC have a chance at a 'normal' life. I don't love working but I love what it can achieve. I took risks when I could to make the money so I could choose to not work. Those risks paid off.

Being an employee rarely pays off. It's low risk for low reward. That's why excellent people management is vital. Funnily enough it starts by paying people well and treating them with respect.

All my office jobs have been bullshit jobs. Humans were not made to spend 37.5+ hours a week staring at screens in artificially lit concrete spaces.

I am an architect. I have wanted to be an architect for as long as I can remember. There was never any other career option for me. I loved my degree, but felt that I couldn't wait to get started in my career. Of course, the inevitable happened when I got my first job and the reality was that I hated it. I was very lucky to have a Trust fund and so I used that to have a 6 month sabbatical which I used to travel the world and look at all the beautiful, inspiring buildings out there and that reignited my passion for my career and I've not stopped since.

For me, being childless, work has been my baby. To me being an architect isn't just a job, it is part of my very soul and as I designed and built my own home, it is part of every aspect of my life. I am lucky in that I have a partner who understands my passion and has his own - he's a vet. We have learnt so much from each other and I fully believe that we have helped each other to see things with a new perspective that has made us better at our careers.

I don't see myself as a workaholic. Certainly I feel like I've got a good work/life balance and most of my colleagues are my friends too.

The trouble with 'starting your own business' these days is that it is much, much harder if you are already poor and have been poor for a long time. You need components/equipment/a workspace/funds for advertising your services. Think you can make some money by cleaning houses/dogwalking/gardening, and get work by putting handwritten notes through people's doors or in the window of the local corner shop? In a lot of areas, there are already agencies providing those services at very low prices (quite often by illegally underpaying their staff and/or employing people who are too vulnerable to insist on being paid the minimum wage) and this makes it difficult to compete. A lot of startups go bust, because of poor business sense, bad luck, or trying to compete in an already overcrowded area.

And there are still the jobs that need to be done, but which are not necessarily enjoyable. There are still floors that need scrubbing, burgers to flip, shelves to stack, arses to wipe. These jobs need to be properly paid and the people who do them treated with respect.

I've taken this route. I work part time in a supermarket and, in the rest of my time, I write books. My 'employed' life gives me socialisation and a regular income, and the writing gives me an outlet for my creative side and the chance to meet lot of famous writers, and win awards.

Of course, as a single person with no other income as back-up, it means I have no pension and I can't afford heating in my house, but I have a fantastic life!

Also: those of you who inherited wealth, or married wealth: it's not that you are bad or wrong for choosing to 'follow your dream' and write poetry or do crystal healing or open a little cupcake shop that keeps afloat because of family money. It's just that you need to be aware that you are lucky and STFU about how other people could have what you have if they 'worked harder'. No: it's not your hard work alone that has given you the life you have now, even if you have worked hard - it's the advantages you started with which have contributed more.

Well said reanimate

I used to get my students to throw rolled up bits of paper into a bin at the front of the classroom. Those at the front thought it was their superior throwing skill that enabled them to hit the bin. Those at the back correctly stated that those at the front were closer to the bin and therefore had more chance of hitting it.

That's what privilege is. If you have it you probably don't realise and believe you got where you are by virtue of your own efforts.

Lots of startups fail, yes. Lots also succeed. Not doing something because you might fail seems mad to me - if you don't even try then essentially you've failed by default.

When I see some of the comments on these type of threads from women who don't work or work part time, because they have a husband who earns shit loads - I do wonder what their husbands thoughts are about having the major responsibility for keeping the entire family afloat because their wife doesn't want to be a "wage slave".

Well auditqueen, if they earn ‘shitloads’ they are presumably not just keeping the ‘family afloat’, and might actually have a better work/life balance as a result of having a wife at home who can take care of domestic and childcare duties so the whole family benefits, not just the wife.

"my one employee who insists on going home at 5pm no matter what affects the ability of the other people on my team to work less. And they definitely know and, seeing as we're in a traditional work-hard-play-hard field, have complained in the past."

This says it all. You complain about an employee doing their contracted hours. How can anyone say there isn't a long hours culture having read that horrible comment.

Reanimate yes
I belonged to a networking group in the past - it covers all bases, so the work I do, and the work I'd like to have tried

It's really galling how many members talk about their work as if it's paying their bills, then when you ask more questions you find its subsidised by someone else

As I say, I fully appreciate that some people do the day job and set up the business in their free time, but it's kind of like the OP said - you end up working all the time, so in the end it didn't make sense to work a lot and then do more work to potentially set up work I hoped I'd enjoy. I did really struggle with the decision and it's frustrating to take inspiration from a business and find out it's all front and no profit.

"Schools should also push personal attributes such as kindness, being a good listener, having a sense of humour. These can also be a huge asset in any job and beyond because there is life beyond" work after all."

Not sure about this. This is more or less how I was brought up as a girl, only to find that these things aren't valued in the workplace, or even in life.

PS forgot to add I've ditched the group as there was so much of that!

@Spaghettijumper "Not doing something because you might fail seems mad to me - if you don't even try then essentially you've failed by default."

Is this a case of people expressing themselves badly? I mean, I didn't want to put the time in because it would mean sacrificing time with friends etc, but some people would phrase that as "there's no point if it fails".

"worth £6-7million.

I don't have a flashy lifestyle. I take the bus to work, pack lunch and fly economy. We have 2 DC with ASD which is what drives me to work hard. I have to earn enough to keep everything running should something happen to DH. "

You're a millionnaire 7 times over yet you won't buy a sandwich and feel that you must work hard! I don't get this at all.

If you don't want to do it, Spring, that's absolutely fine of course. In that case you have to accept that it isn't going to happen because you don't have the motivation to make it happen, not because of any other obstacles.

I wouldn't care if I never worked again as long as I had enough money to pay the bills with a bit left over for having fun. But then I'm 62, have been working since I was 17 and am pretty much burnt out.

I was always lazy though, never been a fan of the daily grind.

Yes, spaghetti, sorry fir confusion, I started the chat thinking you were saying instead of day job, not as well as.