Choosing to be single for life

[Singlelife]

Just that really, anyone? I'm early 30s with DCs. Love my life, love coming home from work, put my DC to bed, have a nice soak and then read, watch TV do whatever I want. Love not having to compromise anything, or take anyone's feelings into consideration except for my DCs. Left ex some years ago and decided to focus on myself and the DCs.

The thing is, I'm a Muslim and being involved with another man again means I have to get married. There's no one night stands, friends with benefits, dating. Nope, nada. Just straight up marriage. That's the only downside really, I do miss intimacy and affection.

So has anyone chosen to be single? And how long have you been single?

I think that it's pretty sad to have to choose between having personal happiness and a religion.

I've been single for nearly four years now (also no kids, by choice) & it was the best decision I ever made. I'm far, far happier & healthier when it's just me.

I see a lot of friends & family, & love that, but I could never face living with anyone again or facing that kind of emotional pressure.

I've been single with 2 DCs for over 5 years now. I have no intention of getting into another relationship again - certainly I wouldn't ever live with a man again. I am extremely happy how I am!

You know I know lots of Muslims who have relationships without getting married. Being Muslims does not mean you have to get married. I think that you should think about why you feel like you can't have a relationship without getting married again. If you genuinely love being single then do it but it is not a choice between two extremes.

Good for you, genuinely.
Not having one night stands or having casual sex isn’t something only Muslims subscribe to though. Not sure why but that comment seems off.

She didn't say it's something g it's only Muslims subscribe to?

If your happy with the set up then stay as you are. You may find someone worth compromising for when your not even looking mind you

I know several Muslims who would be perfectly happy with a bit of casual sex tbh...
It does grate a bit , you saying that, a bit like when you meet certain people, and the first thing they tell you is that they are a Christian, as though that makes them superior to you or something.

No one is stopping you having some casual relationships, if you want one have one.

It is not your situation, but women who choose genuinely to be single are the happiest group of women in Britain.

It is not your situation, but women who choose genuinely to be single are the happiest group of women in Britain.

Pure coincidence but as I finished reading your post, Celebration started playing on the radio.

Live alone with DS, have zero interest in changing that at all - much to the bafflement of some other women at work and a friendly neighbour who all keep telling me about lovely men that I should meet up with

I'm 48 this year and have not had a date in my entire 40s. I realise there are things that people do to find partners, OLD or activities/hobbies. I'm not motivated to do them and am perfectly happy centering my life around my son (9). I think it's partly to do with being an older Mum, I went out A LOT when I was younger. I'm perfectly happy single and not keen to share my time with anyone else.

Is this decided by you or your religion?

I've plenty of muslim friends that date without marrying.

I’ve been genuinely single for 4 years and very happy. I do have a FWB though.

I’m not going to change my life. I don’t want a partner.

Im single just with one dc and i am happy and not lonely. Been single 5 years.

Presumably the OP is saying that she doesn't want to have a casual relationship because of her religious beliefs. It's not that hard to understand!

I don't have the same restrictions but am recently single and happy about it. I'm not sure about it being a lifelong choice but it feels right at the moment, and such a relief to be focusing on myself and DD, no pressure to find someone and reliant only on myself for my happiness.

I was thinking the same thing as you once OP. I'd had enough of meeting the wrong kind of men and being messed around.
I decided to stay single and delete the dating app off my phone. But just before I did, I got a message who turned out to be my future husband and father of my fourth child. I had been very lonely before without realising and I hate thinking back to how I was then. I mean, I was fine but nowhere near as happy as I am now.
You never know what's round the corner and shouldn't give up. I don't think being alone is preferable to a loving relationship, but maybe you should have a long break before looking again. There's no rush.

It may be different when the kids are grown up.

Yes, I do understand there are many Muslims out there who have relationships without marrying, but as MargotMoon put it, I don't want to have casual relationships without marrying because of my religious beliefs. Just a choice I made . I know you never know what the future holds, and I might find someone in 5-10 years time and fall madly in love. But there just certain things you can't just do if you're in a relationship, like working abroad for instance. I'd like to work abroad when my DC are all grown up.

It's also the hassle of a relationship I can't be bothered with. Even the most loving DP/DH will have his/hers faults and bad habits, we all do. I just don't know if I can be arsed with those faults and bad habits.

I’m in my late 50s and have been single for 11 years now. I love living on my own and just being able to do what I want when I want. When I listen to my married friends talking about their DH and DPs I honestly feel glad I’m out of the whole relationship thing. I don’t need or want a man in my life and looking back only married because it was expected (Jewish Orthodox family). I have another friend who divorced around the same time I did and she feels exactly the same. I do think we are the exception to the rule and that the majority of people don’t want to be single indefinitely. I totally understand what you are saying about not knowing if you can be arsed with the faults and bad habits of a potential partner again. I think life has a strange way of turning out though so I’d just carry on as you are and enjoying life and if you do meet someone along the way then see how you feel about staying single or otherwise, then.

I've been single for nearly 18 years now. When I split with my ex the uppermost emotion I experienced was relief. I was happy to be out of that relationship so I decided to concentrate on me and the dc and just enjoy being single for a while. I'm happy being single. I did try OLD a couple of times, had a few enjoyable dates but nothing where I was interested in taking it any further.

While I'll never say never I'm not looking either so it's unlikely to happen. Having been single for so long I'm not sure I could share my life with someone now. I find your last sentence interesting OP. I've always thought that if I was to meet 'Mr Right for me' it would be someone whose faults I could live with iyswim.

8 years and I'm pretty happy. The last guy I got involved with stalked me and I had to get the police in so it seems simpler to not worry about that kind of thing and just get on with the nice things in life: friends, DC, hobbies, eating what and when you like, being in charge of your own finances and not having to compromise.

Yeah the intimacy bit is a pain, and I occasionally start thinking about going online, but my friends who do OLD haven't had much luck (and their fair share of dick pics and dodgies!) so I'm not sure I want to!

Another one here who is happy single. Been on my own since I had my DS 11 years ago.
A few years ago friends pressured me to 'find someone' so I tried dating but found the whole thing a hassle. I love my life and don't need a partner to make me happy. Also can't be doing with the hassle of a relationship.

So what happens when your kids leave home? Having been the centre of your worlds for years and years do you not worry that life will be very empty.

I knew a woman who did this. Her son resented the fact that she did it for him. He was sad that he never got the chance to learn about relationships through family life. He hates the fact that he feels guilty for her being lonely, and he says he felt constantly under pressure to be grateful.