Choosing to be single for life

[Singlelife]

Just that really, anyone? I'm early 30s with DCs. Love my life, love coming home from work, put my DC to bed, have a nice soak and then read, watch TV do whatever I want. Love not having to compromise anything, or take anyone's feelings into consideration except for my DCs. Left ex some years ago and decided to focus on myself and the DCs.

The thing is, I'm a Muslim and being involved with another man again means I have to get married. There's no one night stands, friends with benefits, dating. Nope, nada. Just straight up marriage. That's the only downside really, I do miss intimacy and affection.

So has anyone chosen to be single? And how long have you been single?

This is a refreshing read. I have been a lone parent for 10.5 years now - been on two dates in that time. Both nice men but I ran a mile when they wanted to take things further !

I think I am just wired differently to others and have no desire to have a relationship at all. I meet men I fancy all the time (which is a relief as I sometimes think I am dead from the head down!) but no desire to then take that further.

My children are 13 and 11 now and will fly the nest sooner rather than later and I am excited for them and for me. I am retraining in a new career and when they leave home I will downsize and travel and be as free as a bird.

I have always been out of step with the things that others want - and at the grand old age of 41 I have realised that I don’t have to conform to the pairing up society sees as the norm. Each to their own

I've been single for seven years after a long term relationship. I haven't dated at all in that time, had a few offers but wasn't interested.

I'm far happier now than when I was in a LTR, and I love living alone. No-one else's clutter, everything how I want it and not having to compromise (Christ, if I had one more conversation about getting an effing coffee table...), bed to myself, peace and quiet.

Lots of people roll out the "Oh, you'll meet someone!' line but I'm really not that bothered. If I meet someone as independent and uninterested in cohabitation as I am, great. If not, also great. Some do find this hard to understand though.

So sorry to hear about your DH Yvest

Nice to hear a male perspective on this MrPerfect.

My children are 13 and 11 now and will fly the nest sooner rather than later and I am excited for them and for me. I am retraining in a new career and when they leave home I will downsize and travel and be as free as a bird.

Love this. My DCs are younger, but I don't dread the day the fly the nest as some people do. Because I see that as a time, like you to fully focus on myself and be free as a bird

I don't know why, but I thought you was a woman Empress 🙈

I am a White , English Woman and am single. FWB I couldn't bring myself to do either, thought of it makes me feel ill. Sex is between people who are in love and in a committed relationship, not for a man to do his business on me and leave. Just my way, no offence to any Women reading this who do not agree. No need to patronize me either thanks . Nothing to do with religion. Sex free for twelve years now and I love sex :( Men try to use me for sex so I gave up dating. No way of me ever.meeting a decent man now.

I feel exactly they same OP. Early thirties, single with two kids. Had a brief romance a few years ago but other than that nothing for 8 years. I love having my entire life on my own terms. I read MN threads and speak to friends in relationships and it stresses me out just hearing about their love woes. I do sometimes wonder if I will be a lonely old spinster once my DC have left but I guess I can deal with that if it happens. Maybe i’ll be the happiest spinster around it would be nice to have a truly supportive, decent partner but I don’t trust myself to pick one so I don’t try.

BTW OP you choose your religion and practise it to suit your own beliefs. If you believe one night stands and flings are fine for you then do them. No-one else gets to decide what your religion means to you. It’s yours!

I don't know why, but I thought you was a woman Empress

I am, Singlelife. I'm a lesbian.

In Islam, you should get married again. "God" created you to be with someone.

Sex is between people who are in love and in a committed relationship, not for a man to do his business on me and leave

That isn’t what a FWB is though. It’s a mutually beneficial arrangement for people who don’t want to be in relationships.

For the people saying "being Muslim shouldn't mean you can't have a relationship without getting married", you are wrong!

Sex outside of marriage is haram....if your views on Islam are serious, then you'll know this and will go to hell.

Good luck.

I have been very happy single for 5 years now and I can see it from both sides. I love my independence and not having a man to answer to. But I also think it would be nice to come home to someone after work and have someone to have an adult conversation with. At the minute my 3dcs are my world but I think maybe when they've all flown I'll think about meeting someone. Although being overweight having bad teeth no 'prospects' and in general not very pretty I don't think I'll have to fight them off 😂 😂

I think there is something to be said for choosing to be single and just enjoying life. But I don't think your religion should preclude you for having one-night-stands if you are so inclined.

Empress is a woman isnt she?

Sorry if this sounds patronising, but people who say that kind of thing about a "tiny possibility" - is that due to absorbing messages from society that single is bad?

I don't believe in "never say never" myself. I knew I was never having kids as well.

A lot of women that say this though tend to have children and be a bit older. They've been through the wringer at times and have been burnt.

Religion is personal. People can practise how they like. The books might say this is how it should be but people can and do adapt their practise to suit their own personal beliefs. Millions of catholics use birth control and have sex outside of marriage. They’re still catholics. They still get to go to mass on Sunday and take their communion.

Thinking about it, or maybe just conducting an online long-distance one that requires nothing but my time and attention to my computer/messengers, lol

Empress is a woman isnt she?

Yep, vulva, XX chromosomes & all!

Sorry if this sounds patronising, but people who say that kind of thing about a "tiny possibility" - is that due to absorbing messages from society that single is bad?
I don't believe in "never say never" myself. I knew I was never having kids as well.

I don't honestly care what society thinks. I never wanted kids either and I have every intention of staying as I am because being single & childfree is heaven IMO. I think it's a superstitious fraction of me that thinks saying "Never" would be tempting fate

I think I'll just get myself a good vibrator!

I'm single, go to church and have fwbs. It's great :)

Empress, you think saying "never" would tempt fate to put someone in your world that you couldn't say no to?

You're coming across more as if you really still would be tempted, rather than you are a genuine "no", do you see what I mean?

I'm so sorry Empress 🤦‍♀️

I don't seriously believe it will ever happen, Spring - thank fuck!

No problem Single, I will survive being misgendered

Empress "I don't seriously believe it will ever happen, Spring - thank fuck!"

sorry to harp on, I just think that's a very different thing than actually positively choosing IYSWIM.

Good for you OP!

So many women end up with absolute drop kicks because they can’t fathom being alone.

Enjoy your lifestyle!