Choosing to be single for life

[Singlelife]

Just that really, anyone? I'm early 30s with DCs. Love my life, love coming home from work, put my DC to bed, have a nice soak and then read, watch TV do whatever I want. Love not having to compromise anything, or take anyone's feelings into consideration except for my DCs. Left ex some years ago and decided to focus on myself and the DCs.

The thing is, I'm a Muslim and being involved with another man again means I have to get married. There's no one night stands, friends with benefits, dating. Nope, nada. Just straight up marriage. That's the only downside really, I do miss intimacy and affection.

So has anyone chosen to be single? And how long have you been single?

OP - no, I'm saying people have repeatedly told me "never say never" and I don't understand why they say that, why they find it so hard to accept someone saying "I will always being single".

Oh God yes, I've had that too & the look of horror on my face apparently said it all!

Spring, I suppose the reason I say it is that there was once a woman I couldn't have said no to (but it didn't happen for various reasons). So there is the minuscule lurking possibility that there could be another one, but if it happened it would be in spite of me, not because of.

That has nothing at all to do with how you feel though. Can we leave it at that?

crunchy, I can imagine! I even had someone's sister ask me if I had a "checking in system" with neighbours for when I was out late in clubs or whatever. I couldn't imagine what she meant. She explained that if no one was expecting me home, how would they know if I had been attacked en route home?

When I pointed out that the vast majority of women who are attacked are subject to said attack by male relative, often boyfriend or husband, she looked like she was going to stab me with a fork!

There is lots of research into this. Below is some. Spend another 5 minutes in google and you will find more.

DePaulo, B. (2013, May 08). Are Single People Mentally Stronger? Retrieved August 27, 2017.
DePaulo, B. M. (2007). Singled out: How singles are stereotyped, stigmatized, and ignored and still live happily ever after. New York: St. Martin’s Griffin.
Girme, Y. U., Overall, N. C., Faingataa, S., & Sibley, C. G. (2015). Happily Single. Social Psychological and Personality Science, 7(2), 122-130. doi:10.1177/1948550615599828
Luhmann, M., Hofmann, W., Eid, M., & Lucas, R. (2011). Supplemental Material for Subjective Well-Being and Adaptation to Life Events: A Meta-Analysis. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. doi:10.1037/a0025948.supp
Mintel (2017). Single Lifestyles UK – consumer market research report (Rep.). Retrieved here.

Spring Yes you are right, but a truth many women don't want to acknowledge

I'm mid 40's and made the decision to stay single about 10 years ago. The last 10 years have been the happiest of my life so far by a mile and I can't see me ever changing my mind. I don't think you need 'loads of close friends' like a PP poster suggested. I have a handful of good friends and am close to my family but I could happily spend weeks by myself. As OP said, some people are perfectly content in their own company. Loneliness is foreign to me. I do have a child but my life doesn't revolve around them as such, the older they get the more time they spend with their friends and I have a list then length of my arm of all the things I plan to do once they've flown the nest.

I totally get the irritation of the "never say never" brigade.

I had a friend who would do it EVERY SINGLE TIME. When we got together she'd ask if I'd met anyone etc etc.

I finally got it through to her when she met someone and said "this is it" I asked her "how do you know" and she said along the lines of "oh you know when its for life".

I responded "never say never". When she got over the tantrum and being pissed she acknowledged how irritating it was

and I have a list then length of my arm of all the things I plan to do once they've flown the nest.

Sorry but this made me laugh 😂😂. This is exactly how I feel.

I was married to ex MILs youngest child. She cried on the day he moved out, not happy tears. She was upset because she felt like he was too young to move out, the man was in his mid 20s. She didn't see it as an opportunity to fully focus on herself, she just wanted to hold on to him for as long as she could, she had no other life than him. They would speak and text 4-5 times a day, see each other everyday i was lucky if I went one day without seeing her. We went on holiday for two weeks and she had the biggest tantrum because she had to go two weeks without seeing her son. Because of the way she raised and treated him, he became this gigantic man child that I married and divorced later.

ahhhh Jacques that must have been so satisfying!!

there are so many things we are "allowed" to know in our hearts, whether it's having children or rescuing wildlife in Borneo....but know in our heart we want to be single and childfree = BURN THE WITCH!!!

and I have a list then length of my arm of all the things I plan to do once they've flown the nest.

No nest-flying here but my best present ever, given to me by a friend after I finally freed myself, was a book of 365 things to do in London. I've ticked off about half of them so far & done some of the best ones multiple times.

I'm 45 in September & inspired by another thread, I'm also thinking about writing a '45 things to do when I'm 45' list.

But after nearly 4 years being single (and nearly a year of having a flat to myself instead of sharing a house) it's some of the simplest things I still can't believe how much I enjoy. Like closing my front door & knowing that nobody else is going to walk through it unless I invite them, decorating & cooking with regards to my taste & nobody else's, being able to do what I want when - or if - I want. I don't think I'll ever get tired of any of that.

Oh god yes Empress, can I also add relaxing in the bath for as long as you want, without anyone banging on the door to use the toilet. And having full control of the tv remote..

Those too Single!

I spent most of Sunday ambling along by the Thames, stopping to explore places & catching a ferry, before visiting a new local cafe & heading home to mess about on my laptop. Perfect day.

Thanks to this thread, I had a nightmare last night that my ex-boyf had moved back in, bringing all his computer shite and random cables and I had to work out how to tell him to move out again.

There, there Chicken

Just a bad dream.

I had nightmares for ages about being back with my ex & having to do the breakup all over again. I think they've gone now though.

I totally get you. I wouldn't get into a relationship without marriage on the cards, but absolutely too exhausted to contemplate that.

I feel that my DS gives me all the company I need...I imagine that maybe changing after 20 years though - I kinda imagine myself meeting someone again in late middle age, as my grandmother did.

I've been single for 7 years, since ex-h left and I'm pretty certain it's forever. Like you, OP, I don't want any casual relationships for religious reasons.

Couldn't be happier and I'm definitely planning what to do once dd grows up (ahem, might have been doing this for the last 7 years and there's still a good few to go!).

Thank god I've never had any dreams about getting back with my ex.

It's exciting, isn't it Fink? To think about all the things you can do once the DC leave home?

Here's to us single women, here's to being happy and healthy in our own skin & company, no need for a man or woman

Thanks Spring! And other single ladies.

Yeah, I work as a solicitor dealing with house purchase/sales. I see the results of relationship breakdowns all the time. I have no intention of ever getting married and certainly no intention of ever living with another human ever again.

Here here Singlelife!

Good for you. I am also single by choice, and delighted to be that way.

I can’t imagine sharing a bed with another human, and I have no need for a partner, other than helping me to get on the property ladder!

ChickenVindaloo2, I hear you, girl!

It sounds to me like a lot of people who are determined to stay single have had bad experiences of relationships. A good relationship can bring you so much and shouldn't mean that you compromise yourself.

I do everything I want - everything - and my DH doesn't stop me. I read all the books I want, sleep when I want, go on holiday where I want and with whom I want, eat what I want - and sometimes I spend (quailty, fun and very good) time with him.

We don't live in each other's pockets, he never annoys me and I never annoy him as likewise he can stay in the pub as long as he wants etc etc.

I had a good relationship. We happily went our separate ways.

Now I don’t want any relationship.

Not sure how to make it any clearer!

Yes, I also disagree with the idea that wanting to be single now is as a result of a bad relationship. I enjoyed my married life, apart from the fact that it ended I was happy, and even in the fact that it ended I was ok. But I don't want another relationship. I enjoy being single more. It sounds like you're happier married, and that's fine, but not everyone is.

In support of thatmust - people remain single for lots of reasons, and having bad rels can be one of them.
dw and I have 'excellent manners' toward each other and do none of the unpleasant things recorded here. IF either of us did anything but this, I am sure it would trigger a side-ways look..and the question "are you the person I married?"

I adore being married to dw and am very proud to be so. She states the same.
But singledom did have it's benefits. Just given a choice, life is better how we are and we don't do the stuff referred to above.