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Original poster

Husband requiring "full assistance" in the mornings?

999 replies

questi0n · 16/04/2018 07:56

My husband told me last night that he will "require full assistance" to get out in the morning as he has some important meetings etc. He often says things like this and I don't take much notice. I have 3 DC to get out to school as it is. Last night I put everything by the door for him, keys, phone headphones and some documents I "must not let him forget". I even hung his suit out and put his shoes by the door because I can't be doing with him asking me where Particular items are in the morning. Only for him to get up and have a flap because no, he's actually cycling to the meetings and apparently wanted a bag packed Confused.

Wouldn't you think that if you could see someone was dealing with 3 children in the mornings, you wouldn't add to the general rush and stress everyone out by shouting ridiculous questions and demands about things you could easily do yourself? This is a man who employs hundreds of people, by the way. Does anyone else have this kind of issue with their husband?

OP posts:
SillyLittleBiscuit · 16/04/2018 13:57

I think you should start thinking about what you want from life and how you're going to get it.

OliviaPopeRules · 16/04/2018 13:57

He sounds like a nightmare, clearly thinks of you as one of his staff. My DH is SAHD and if I'm leaving a bit later for work I would help with the kids, he would tell me where to go if I asked him to organise my stuff! As would 99% of partners, specially those looking after kids, I would think!

Theweasleytwins · 16/04/2018 13:58

My husband starts work at 9. His alarm goes off at 7:45, he spends 15 minutes watching videos on his phone, makes me fetch his towels from wherever he left them (I dunno where they are🙄well why would I??) has a 20 minute shower then I have to get all his clothes for him while he plays on his phone some more.

He gets arsey if I make DT breakfast of he is still in the house because he wants to spend 'time' with us (while playing on his phone) and the twins follow me everywhere

He can't get himself a bloody drink in the evening or do anything 🙄says he will help if I 'blow him' no thanks😑

CommonFishDiseases · 16/04/2018 13:58

This thread really bothers me.

OP, you have allowed this to happen in your life. No one should treat you like this.

Think about getting some counselling to work on your self esteem and self respect Flowers

Grobagsforever · 16/04/2018 13:59

WTAF. What on earth possesses you to put up with this shit?

Urgh OP. Do you work? If not get a job that starts before 7am and leave your husband and teens to fend for themselves. You don't want them turning out like him. Also get a job anyway as you need financial independence because you're married to a complete cock womble...

DaffoDeffo · 16/04/2018 13:59

(sorry meant 5 months not 5 years that they split up!)

just stop doing what you do - you do far too much.

go out with your mates, leave him with the kids, get pissed and come back at 2am. Forget to wake him up and see what happens. You have been far too kind to him.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 16/04/2018 14:00

LTB.

idobelieveinfairies86 · 16/04/2018 14:01

uh no he does not, I'm his wife not his p.a. There have been occasions when my dh has called from work and asked if I could make sure he's got a clean work shirt but I don't mind that because it only happens if he has to come home, have dinner and then go to his next job. Don't happen often normally only if something has happened like a water pipe burst or a particularly dirty or sweaty job.

Give your dh an invoice for the pa work you did for him last night and tell him he has 30 days to pay it. Or better yet Email it to his work email so it's all professional.
If he complains then tomorrow invoice him for all the services you provide like child care, cooking, housekeeper duties etc, he'll soon get the point.
xx

idobelieveinfairies86 · 16/04/2018 14:02

oh and I have to say I also thought this was going to be a thread about something entirely different 🤣🤣

QuizzlyBear · 16/04/2018 14:02

My DH is very focused on his own needs and doesn't really pitch in with the kids, house or dog except the bare minimum (holidays etc excepted) because he works long hours in a stressful job and is (by far) the main breadwinner.

He does however look after his own needs (bar dinner!) and I'd laugh in his face if he asked me to get him ready in the morning. He's an adult, FFS!

KatharinaRosalie · 16/04/2018 14:03

makes me fetch his towels from wherever he left them
then I have to get all his clothes for him

You know you don't actually 'have to'?

OliviaPopeRules · 16/04/2018 14:03

Just read some more of your posts OP. He is clearly emotionally abusive and he is not a good and honest person, if he was he wouldn't treat his wife like shit. Btw he never shouts/mistreats you because he doesn't have to, you do everything he says/wants.
For the sake of your children I would get the hell away from him before they start to think this is a normal relationship.

ToffeeUp · 16/04/2018 14:04

What time do you get up to serve his lordship his coffee whilst waiting for him to decide on breakfast?

You are not the poster who has to make the special smoothies her husband requires for after his morning run?

cestlavielife · 16/04/2018 14:04

Ok so you say that on Friday you are going to contract out catering and leaning for the dinner party.
Call a company and get it all arranged. You are a corporate wife so act as one and delegate.

Just start standing up for yourself and look for something outside the home work or volunteering. Join the school PTA.

He hasn't brought it up about you working because he wants to keep.you right there.

He buys things for you when he decides you need them. Like a pet. He treats you like a child a pet and a servant...

Everytime you start doing something for him stop and consider whether it is correct is this the role of a servant or an equal partner? Would he do.the same for you?
Be rebellious. Buy the wrong shade of washing up liquid....or whatever the equivalent is.
Take the kids off on your own...will he survive? Of course he will. .

Call him on everything. Say "you are not a child you can do.that yourself".

GnotherGnu · 16/04/2018 14:05

Sometimes you just have to get angry to show you really mean it. DH and I get on fine most of the time, but there was a phase when the kids were small when he showed distinctly Hitlerish tendencies and wanted to jackboot around demanding that we all jump to his wishes. For a time I kept fairly quiet because I attributed it to stress, but I became more and more resentful.

There came a time when I came back to find the children subdued and scared because a bookshelf had collapsed and DH assumed they'd been climbing on it and had been shouting at them; they said they'd been nowhere near and had just heard the crash, he found them trying to help by picking the books up. I knew the bookshelf was (a) flimsy and (b) overloaded, and the children were by that stage too old to want to climb, so I believed them and, out of their hearing, told him so. He opened his mouth to start shouting the odds, but before he got two words out I got in ahead of him and told him, very firmly, that I was not going to be shouted at; that, contrary to his apparent belief, he wasn't always right; and I wasn't going to have the kids frightened and miserable because of his power trip. I pointed out the facts about the bookcase, acknowledged that we were both at fault for letting it get to that state, but said it wasn't fair to take it out on the kids or indeed me. He was utterly shocked, but shut up and we heard no more about the bookcase. We had a longer conversation when we had both calmed down, when I again made it clear I wasn't putting up with unpleasant behaviour, and things improved massively from then on.

OliviaPopeRules · 16/04/2018 14:06

Theweasleytwins why would anyone put up with that shit. Is what you have written a joke of do you really have a DH that carries on like that?

DevilsDoorbell · 16/04/2018 14:06

Tell him the dinner party is off. Don’t t let him talk you into ‘just this one more’ that’s bullshit. Stand up for yourself.

Tell him you will no longer be waking him up. He is a grown man who is more than capable of getting himself out of bed and ready for work.

TheJoyOfSox · 16/04/2018 14:06

No I don’t have this kind of issues with my DH because I married a capable man, not a fucking child! For gods sake stop enabling him if you don’t have time to nursemaid a fully grown man on top of your children!

GnotherGnu · 16/04/2018 14:08

My husband starts work at 9. His alarm goes off at 7:45, he spends 15 minutes watching videos on his phone, makes me fetch his towels from wherever he left them (I dunno where they are🙄well why would I??) has a 20 minute shower then I have to get all his clothes for him while he plays on his phone some more.

Those demands would get a one word response from me. Or possibly two.

Theweasleytwins · 16/04/2018 14:09

@OliviaPopeRules not a joke unfortunately 😅

SleepingStandingUp · 16/04/2018 14:10

Sooooo thought this was going to be about his penis and a morning hand job / blow job.

Tell him to grow up or hire help

minmooch · 16/04/2018 14:12

The sad thing is that your son/s will learn that his behaviour is acceptable and will go on to treat their own partners this way. If you have daughters they will learn that this is acceptable treatment and so the cycle will continue.

I'd just say no, I'm not doing it and let him get on with it.

OliviaPopeRules · 16/04/2018 14:12

Theweasleytwins why do you put up with it?

SleepingStandingUp · 16/04/2018 14:14

Theweasleytwins why would you even be with someone like that?

lottiegarbanzo · 16/04/2018 14:14

TheWeasleyTwins just don't do it. Surely it really is that simple? He can and will get his own towel and clothes.

You can go and play computer games instead (or whatever you'd rather do).