AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

[JerryLarryTerryGarry]

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

Zeelove - genuinely glad to know

A bit of water on the face equals assault. Bloody hell. It’s not like she glassed him at the same time. It might be in a court of Law but surely there is a bit of common sense here...

FWIW I think your reaction was completely disproportionate and I wouldn’t have too much of an issue with it. I would have a massive issue if my DC had been the one to view it though. He was irresponsible and for that I would be angry but the porn itself, nah.

I detest the idea of porn, and have been very open with my husband about that. He feels the same way luckily and it's not a problem for either of us.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Is porn something you have talked about and laid the boundaries for before? Try to have a calm conversation about it, and make sure he realises how much of an issue this is for you.

I don't think it's fair to ask OP to get a f'ing grip. Rude, much?

Hope you can work a way through this. HATE porn. It's so degrading to women.

Chortlesauraus - I was thinking the same, lesbian porn is hardly hardcore porn.

Shocked to the core is a complete over reaction and you should be begging for forgiveness for throwing water at him, shoving him and kicking him out

Cough..bullshit..cough..

I'd argue that he assaulted you more by not respecting you at all as his partner and devaluing you and your body by watching porn (watching other women have sex) than you did chucking a bit of water over him.

"Cool wives" is just the modern version of unladylike or unfeminine. Policing other women who dare to step out of the gender tropes.

I have no problem with it all all. I think I'd have something to say If it was impacting on our life, but the idea of it doesn't bother me. I think couples go through periods of differing libido as well, so if that's how he manages then fine with me, and I would hope in reverse too.
(Water in face - not good, and you should absolutely be sorry for that!)

Personally I'm more shocked by men that don't watch porn, it's so prevalent these days. It wouldn't bother me much, as long as everything else in your relationship is okay? If your only concern is about your daughter accessing his phone ask him to lock it, job done. I agree that you overreacted. The way you treated your husband is more shocking than the porn on his phone imo.

Beaverhausen - okay, I think actually that is what is worrying me, I think you have figured this out for me.

I watch porn myself. OH isn't that fussed on it, but does occasionally. We never have as a couple but wouldn't say never. I couldn't give a hoot about him wathcing porn unless we're talking a recreation of somethig illegal.

That being said I can understand many reasons why people are against pornography, and if it upsets you, you both need to have a discussion about it. I wouldn't have thought you can stop him watching it if he likes it, but once he's aware of your feelings, he can certainly be more mindful of them in the future.

Hope you're okay OP.

Wow! Seriously, what has he done wrong? It's your insecurities that's the issue here not him. My other half watches porn it's no big deal and sometimes I'll even watch it with him.

Your other half is not really 'interested' in anyone in the videos, it's all fantasy. As soon as he's had his release he will forget what he's watched. He's with YOU!

I like porn, he likes porn, we like porn together.

It has a hugely positive effect on our sex life. I cannot speak for anyone else.

In my experience, if you try to control what people watch/read/do in private they won't stop doing it, they'll just do it in secret.

MephistophelesApprentice
"Cool wives" is just the modern version of unladylike or unfeminine. Policing other women who dare to step out of the gender tropes.

LOL makes me laugh, I think I'm supposed to take it as offensive. Ah well....

@OakIsBetterTho - Vile?? That is uncalled for. Some people are more “flighty” than others.
Personally I prefer to go for a glass of red wine instead of water in a row.

Genuinely glad to know you basically violently assaulted your husband too over a bit of harmless porn. Just imagine if that was the other way round.

It doesn't bother me tbh, because I know that given the choice between a porno star and me he would choose me I'm 100% positive and I watch it myself as well.

However, if you've never communicated to your husband that you don't like it then your reaction was over the top and frankly plain mean and I wouldn't be surprised if your husband divorces you BUT if he knew you hated it and went and did it anyway then that requires a conversation not a bloody assult and temper tantrum.

Kirta - I totally am sorry for that. He said to me "Oh I downloaded that ages ago" I think I am angry that was his excuse, he didn't just say sorry

Zeelove - I don't think you know violence. Don't bother posting again

I'd argue that he assaulted you more by not respecting you at all as his partner and devaluing you and your body by watching porn (watching other women have sex) than you did chucking a bit of water over him.

Wow

So let me rephrase; finding porn on your husbands phone shocked you to your core?

Finding out he has a second family is 'core shocking', or perhaps that he has a secret love child

Or that it turns out he's the MESSIAH

ALL VERY CORE SHOCKING ON DISCOVERY

But it's women having sex. He's not the messiah; he's a very naughty boy

😉

It is due to reactions like that that some men then go on to lie to their partners.

Erm, no. Some men lie to their partners and it's due to them being liars. HTH.

Susanjeffrey1984 - thank you