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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

853 replies

JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:03

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

OP posts:
Mydoghatesthebath · 17/04/2018 00:11

And so it goes on!

Love Magical post. Yes quite dear you fill your boots , literally while I go to sleep Grin

Ski40 · 17/04/2018 00:20

I went on The Sun website and searched Mumsnet. This thread appears at the top. Getting sick of that, you sorry joke of a rag...Bet OP not even real. Yawn.

Mydoghatesthebath · 17/04/2018 00:28

So who cares. This is the Internet not WhatsApp seriously who cares.

The mail is just another news paper not the actual
anti Christ. Who reads it anyway along with the preposterous guardian and the very boring Times.

Ignore and move on.

Bramble71 · 17/04/2018 00:38

Have you previously expressed to tour husband that porn is a deal breaker? If not, then your response might have been over the top.

I'm not threatened by porn. Most grown adults know it's fake and not representative of a healthy, ongoing and loving sex life.

I am disturbed, however, that young kids seem to have easy access to porn. I worry that they have no point of reference and could grow up thinking that women should have no hair anywhere except their head, that they will expect every encounter to be what they see online and so on.

DiandraReynolds · 17/04/2018 12:53

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Elendon · 17/04/2018 13:00

I bet you both bust a gut laughing at that excuse Diandra

DiandraReynolds · 17/04/2018 13:20

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AccidentallyRunToWindsor · 17/04/2018 13:45

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DiandraReynolds · 17/04/2018 13:49

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Raindrop12 · 17/04/2018 13:50

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QuizzlyBear · 17/04/2018 13:58

I don't watch porn because it does nothing for me, but I do read erotica to get me in the mood if I'm alone. The difference from men's POV is that they're often turned on by more visual stimuli, not the written word.

My husband watches porn now and again and I'm not so controlling that I would presume to tell him what techniques he's 'allowed' to use to get his motor running.

Put it this way, if he found one of my saucy books (where the kids might see it!), yelled at me, threw water in my face and told me to get out of the house and 'not come back', I'd be considering divorce and debating the mental stability of my soon-to-be-ex.

Why is your situation different?

Lemontart25 · 17/04/2018 14:11

Wow, what an absolute drama queen. Shock Your poor husband. Why is it such a "shock" that he admitted it? Would you have rather him lie? It is very plausible that he did download it ages ago & forget to delete it. The water throwing & making him leave his home is way out of line. I still cannot believe you are querying whether to let him back or not?? How do you usually manage disputes? And to be so annoyed when he wasn't aware you disliked it is unfair.

I think it is utterly bizarre that you would even consider flushing your whole marriage/life together away over this. I mean have a conversation & apologise unreservedly. You seem to flitter between feeling sorry then feeling justified. YOU WERE WRONG.... end of. All you have probably achieved now is ensuring your husband hides these things from you in future as I am positive he will still do it. Regardless of your feelings on it (which of course you are entitled to) he also has an opinion & you need to hear his feelings & discuss a compromise why should your feelings trump his?

Tbh the way you have continued throughout this thread still so cold & uncaring to his wellbeing & feelings I am surprised he hasn't run a mile already. And actually I kind of hope he meets a lovely, likeminded lady at the bar in his hotel whom he can enjoy his pastime with whilst there Wink Would serve you right & I'm sure if your behaviour continues the way it has done it will probably lead to that anyway & who could blame him.

bridgetoc · 17/04/2018 14:30

If I was the DH I would see this as a blessing in disguise and call it quits.

Mydoghatesthebath · 17/04/2018 14:53

Diandra

You you smashed his lap top? You threw his belongings out, your dd is s bus enthusiast and you all laughed, you hear the porn industry is racist??

Yes that all happened didn’t it.

Mydoghatesthebath · 17/04/2018 14:54

Run ops dh run for the hills. Clearly unhinged

Imustbemad00 · 17/04/2018 15:04

Haven’t read whole thread. Got bored of people being mortified that you “assaulted” your husband. You didn’t. Throwing water is hardly the crime of the century is it. If you’ve ever actually been assaulted, a bit of water would t even be on your radar.
You was angry, you reacted in a childish and over the top way, but you didn’t assault your husband.
I also wouldn’t like my partner watching porn, but accept that most men probably do. I’d rather not know about it but I’m aware that’s because I’m insecure about myself and feel that it creates a comparison.

Mydoghatesthebath · 17/04/2018 15:09

imust

There’s a link uothread to the assault criteria and it is assault actually

BlaaBlaaBlaa · 17/04/2018 15:38

@diandra if that actually happened it’s got nothing to do with watching porn and everything to do with the fact your husband had an affair.

RoderickRules · 17/04/2018 16:04

Why does everyone keep saying that men are more visual creatures?
What do you base this on?

DiandraReynolds · 17/04/2018 16:13

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BertrandRussell · 17/04/2018 16:17

"Why does everyone keep saying that men are more visual creatures?"
Because they are porn apologists. Next question?

LimonViola · 17/04/2018 16:20

BertrandRussell Why are you ignoring the many women who either watch porn, respect people's right to make it, or work in the porn industry?

RoderickRules · 17/04/2018 16:25

The views of estimated 40 million + prostituted women are not really represented here.
Women who have access to the internet, electricity, devices and are literate.

Why are you ignoring the evidence of NHS, sex and relationship educators, world health organisation, criminal justice system, researchers and other experts?

The people that deal with the fall out.

BertrandRussell · 17/04/2018 16:29

I am not ignoring them. And I know there is ethical porn, and women who choose to work in the sex industry.
However.
There are many women who are not working in the sex industry through choice, and it is impossible to tell the difference. Until such time as it is possible, no thinking person who cared about women would use porn. And secondly, porn is of itself damaging to society, and in particular to women's real life sexual experience. So it is wrong on both a macro and a micro level. This is not a criticism of women who work in the industry. It is a criticism of the industry and the people who use it.

bridgetoc · 17/04/2018 16:43

No poster on Mumsnet talks out of their backside quite as consistantly as Bert........Grin