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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

853 replies

JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:03

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

OP posts:
FASH84 · 15/04/2018 21:25

You do know that him watching porn and whether he is invested in you are two entirely separate things, but nice to see you don't care about the men and women in those videos, how they came to be there, the difficult choices they may have made, the experiences they may have had. You're just focussed on your own ego. Where was your daughter during this?

Susanjeffery1984 · 15/04/2018 21:26

OP have you let him home yet?

GeekyWombat · 15/04/2018 21:26

So where is your husband now OP?

Jannilost · 15/04/2018 21:26

No need to assult him.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 21:27

Geeky and Susan - he's at a hotel.

OP posts:
rainbowduck · 15/04/2018 21:28

Call him and tell him you are sorry.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 21:30

Rainbowduck - I might.

OP posts:
Jannilost · 15/04/2018 21:30

You should be a hotel. You assulted him.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 21:30

Jannilost - I've already admitted that.

OP posts:
mummypeepee · 15/04/2018 21:30

Yanbu. I despise porn. It’s sickens me. It’s my opinion but I think it’s worse than cheating. At least he’d have to put sons fucking effort in to shag someone rather than just download it. I’ve found out about it 3 times now and if it’s found again game over. If that’s what he wants then fine, just won’t be with me. So no I think you were spot on

BlondeB83 · 15/04/2018 21:31

You need to apologise for a massive overreaction.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 15/04/2018 21:31

He's not having sex with these women
The porn I enjoy in no way reflects what I want in bed or my home, I.e your husband may wank off to Pamela Anderson but did/want to be married/ have sex with you
That fact that it was open and accessible to you is a plus he was not hiding it, not so good that your son could have seen it.
Your reaction was awful and what if he doesn't come back ?
You should have had an adult chat about it. Very silly reaction - and he was mowing the lawn!!!

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 21:31

Mummypee - thank you for your opinion, honestly.

OP posts:
Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 21:32

Noworries - I'll let you have that one.

OP posts:
Jannilost · 15/04/2018 21:33

Mummypee. So if you do something your husband doesn't like can he assault you?

Jerry I know you admitted It, so do something about it for Christ sakes.

bridgetoc · 15/04/2018 21:36

Mummypeepee

You sound like an intolerable control freak. I feel sorry for your man. However, he needs to grow some balls and give you the elbow.

Blaablaablaa · 15/04/2018 21:36

@TheLongHotSummer whoa there that's some strong language. Evil... really? As someone who had studied psychopathic and sociopathic behaviour I can assure you that the occasional, recreational viewing of legal porn is not evil.

I almost envy your sheltered existence

adayatthebeach · 15/04/2018 21:38

I bet he doesn’t do it again! and he will come home and apologize. I kinda admire you. You must wear the trousers in your family!

MsSquiz · 15/04/2018 21:38

@JerryLarryTerryGarry but maybe your husband didn't appreciate how you feel about porn as you've never told him?

I completely understand it has made you feel like you're not enough, but I'm sure he doesn't feel like that. If you had made your feelings clear on porn prior to finding the downloads, I would say your reaction was understandable, but you can't expect someone to be understanding of feelings you haven't made clear

Certcert · 15/04/2018 21:40

I just don't know why he's been so stupid not to even delete it.

Because he wanted to jack off to it again, rather than having to go through Google?

Blaablaablaa · 15/04/2018 21:41

@mummypeepee worse than cheating because it's less effort than actually shagging a real person? What if your DP has a wank using his imagination...is that even worse cos that requires even less effort .

What strange logic

SharronNeedles · 15/04/2018 21:56

I watch porn. I don't consider myself a 'cool wife'.
Sometimes I just want to orgasm without working for it. If feels good.
I love my family, DH is amazing and we have a very strong sex life.
In our relationship this wouldn't be an issue.

idobelieveinfairies86 · 15/04/2018 21:57

I don't know where to even start with the "no brains" and "evil disgusting women"

I think you'll find I have enough brains to know what I want and like AND more than enough guts to say that is what I want/like.

oh well, makes a change to be called evil for something other than my religion I guess lol.

Can I be sure it's not rape? well yes, yes I can because industry porn stars are not actors making millions from Hollywood movies for a reason... They can't fucking act! I had to research rape fantasy a while back and stumbled across rape fantasy porn. The things that I saw were NOT rape. They were acts preformed on very consenting women who couldn't act even a little bit. It may have started out with a bit of "oh no no" but everytime within 30 seconds these woman had forgotten that they were supposed to be protesting and were all moaning away like, well porn stars.

I've watched porn (recently, still not understanding ibiscuits point), I know my dh has watched it as we had a talk about all things sex when we got together (seriously every1 should be doing this it's not rocket science), and if I'm perfectly honest I wouldn't have an opinion 1 way or the other if 1 of my children wanted to be a porn star as long as they were going in eyes wide open as it is their body, just the same as I would not judge my daughters if they had an abortion... Their bodies, their choice and I would not try to sway them one way or another, all I would ask is that they give me a list of sites etc they will be featured on so that me and dh can steer clear

DamnWhyAreAllTheUsernamesTaken · 15/04/2018 22:00

Hmm this is hilarious..... seriously, I hope you get a bit of perspective and give your DH a big apology! Poor bloke.

Helmetbymidnight · 15/04/2018 22:05

They were acts preformed on very consenting women who couldn't act even a little bit. It may have started out with a bit of "oh no no" but everytime within 30 seconds these woman had forgotten that they were supposed to be protesting and were all moaning away like, well porn stars

What are you talking about?