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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - just found porn on Husband's phone

853 replies

JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 19:03

Had lovely family lunch out, DH, myself, DD and DS. Came home, DH has to cut the grass. Leaves his phone with me whilst he does to view new family member photo's, then I find 3 videos and 2 photo's of downloaded stuff that shocked me to the core. Didn't jump down his throat at first as I know his brother has sent him things before that he shouldn't have, but then he freely admitted he had downloaded them and his defence was - It's lesbian porn. Threw a glass of water in his face and shoved him out the door and told him not to return. Does anyone else tolerate porn? I don't even know.

OP posts:
Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:19

Unless of course you like the reality of double anal penetration whilst chocking at the same time as a large penis is down your throat. All consensual of course.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 15/04/2018 20:20

ibiscuit many of the women on this very thread and have said that they enjoy porn for the same reasons men do. It is legal whether or not you agree with it.

Italiangreyhound · 15/04/2018 20:20

Plus I think it is a massive myth that most people watch porn. I wonder where the statistics are for how many people watch porn! Anyway, who cares, if everyone jumps ff a cliff you don't need to do so too.

Totally agree with @hdh747 "I do have a right to an opinion on other poeple's behaviour, if that behaviour is exploitaitive and harmful to others. And yes I do believe that watching unethically made porn (and most of it is) is immoral."

iBiscuit · 15/04/2018 20:20

If the answer to this question is NO...then you may OR may not be watching consensual sex.

So you're ok with the pretty strong possibility that the sex isn't consensual then?

Great.

Sammy901 · 15/04/2018 20:20

Shut the fuck up @elendon**

Yes. Please do

I agree.

Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:21

If the question is no then you are watching non consensual sex.

Occam's Razor.

As any fule no.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 20:21

idobelieveinfairies - he didn't want to go, I know he has the right to remain in his own home, but he said he would go even though he didn't want to. He's been texting sorry it was stupid of me.

OP posts:
adaline · 15/04/2018 20:22

If either of us hurt the other badly then fine, we'd deserve wearing a glass of water

Well, good for you if your relationship works like that - I'm glad mine doesn't!

If a woman came on here said she'd been caught watching porn or reading erotica, and their partner was so angry they chucked a glass of water in their faces, everyone would be saying he was abusive and to LTB. It's interesting how the tables turn when it's a woman committing the abuse.

I wouldn't stay in a relationship with anyone who thought they could treat me like that.

Mamabear1475 · 15/04/2018 20:22

@elendon just because its something you dont like to do doesnt mean everybody doesnt fucking like it and is forced to do it if it's in a porn video.
I hate anal, lots of people like it

Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:22

If the answer to the question is no then you are watching non consensual sex.

Occam's Razor.

As any fule no.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 15/04/2018 20:22

Porn isn't something I'm ok with, mainly due to it's exploitative nature coupled with the fact I have a daughter. If you haven't previously made clear your stance on it though then perhaps now is the time to do so?

Susanjeffery1984 · 15/04/2018 20:22

@iBiscuit clearly you have then??

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/04/2018 20:23

Quite adaline.

I hope you’re texting him back with your apology OP.

Alittlesandwich · 15/04/2018 20:23

ibiscuit watched some last night, thanks.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 15/04/2018 20:23

italian who is saying most people watch porn? SOME do. Lots of women and lots of men. It's why the porn industry is huge. But not necessarily MOST people.

Original poster
JerryLarryTerryGarry · 15/04/2018 20:24

Throughthickandthin - I'll think about it re the water throwing. The rest I'll think about tomorrow.

OP posts:
Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:24

If you like watching non consensual sex then go ahead and watch it.

Who am I to judge?

Own up to watching and enjoying it.

Go for it!

Fabulouslyrich · 15/04/2018 20:25

Wow, such an foolish ot reaction. You need to get a grip!

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 15/04/2018 20:25

Wow, OP. So you’ll only think about apologising for assaulting your husband?

You should be doing it straight away and hoping to God he won’t leave you over it.

DistanceCall · 15/04/2018 20:25

Can you be 100% sure the porn you are watching is CONSENSUAL?

If the answer to this question is NO, then you are watching non consensual sex - which is rape.

So you think that most actresses in adult films have been forced to perform against their wills? That porn production companies are more or less human trafficking gangs? Really?

SaucyJane · 15/04/2018 20:25

What is the matter with you, Elendon?!

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 15/04/2018 20:26

elendon you seem to be the only person on the entire thread who believes all porn is rape. Maybe you have your own issues?

Elendon · 15/04/2018 20:27

Once my child spilled a cup of water over her sister.

It was no biggie.

They still love each other.

Neither of them like porn and think it's an exploitative business. They also agree with me that you cannot be sure you are watching someone being raped, so it's best to avoid it.

iBiscuit · 15/04/2018 20:28

Susan you literally have to look on the homepages of the principal porn hubs to see that what passes for mainstream in 2018 isn't what it was.

HopScotchy · 15/04/2018 20:28

My view is based on respect for women. Porn is a red line for me because I would see it as disrespect for women, whereas cheating might not be a deal breaker depending on the circumstances. I think it's a very personal thing for each person to decide on for themselves.