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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say BF Mums shouldn't be getting fed if...

454 replies

daydrinker · 15/04/2018 14:15

IF FF Mums aren't?

My local hospital always feeds the BF mums but leaves the FF ones. They have to sort themselves out.

I've been to the local hospital a good few times now with DS and always asked within an hour if I want food Shock

If overnight stay, I'm fed 3 times a day with biscuits and tea in between. Formula feeding mums aren't offered anything.

AIBU to say this isn't fair?

My milk supply doesn't all of a sudden vanish if I'm hungry.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 15/04/2018 14:51

I don't understand.

Do you mean in a children's ward, when a baby is exclusively bf the mother is given food? Is the food brought to you?

I expect your just supposed to be happy you're allowed to stay with your baby.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 15/04/2018 14:52

This has come up before and I still haven’t made up my mind about it. We have 3, 2 ff and 1 bf. On ff DH and I would have switched out over the hospital stay on BF (he was past bf stage before he was in hospital overnight) but I would have had to have been there all the time. So I am not sure what I think on it. I do believe hospitals of all places should encourage bf, it is a public health issue, so I don’t see it as shaming in that sense. I am firmly on the fence I think.

LadyLapsang · 15/04/2018 14:52

If they fed the mothers who bottle feed, then they should probably feed all parents / carers - why would they discriminate against fathers? However, there is a clinical and VFM argument for feeding breastfeeding mothers; it also aligns with the NHS's stated priority of supporting breastfeeding.

MrsDilber · 15/04/2018 14:52

I FF all of mine and I think BF mother's should be fed and FF mums not.

I was in hospital with DD whilst pregnant and was fed, I think this is right.

4GreenApples · 15/04/2018 14:52

It is unfair that parents of a FF baby aren’t fed too.

But I think you should be arguing that all parents staying in a paediatric ward with a sick baby are fed, not that none are.

Toddlerteaplease · 15/04/2018 14:53

We feed both FF and BF mums under six months. as it was felt to be not fair on the FF mums.

Parkrunner25 · 15/04/2018 14:54

I think the logic is that they feed the patient. By feeding the BF mum, they are, in effect, feeding the patient. The same doesn't hold true for FF mums, or the dad mentioned upthread.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 15/04/2018 14:54

They don't supply formula either though...

Grandmaswagsbag · 15/04/2018 14:55

Parkrunner logically it does make sense.

Situp · 15/04/2018 14:55

I actually don't see that this is a problem.

The baby is the patient, not the mother. The needs of the baby should be met.

BFeeding mothers are offered refreshment as it is necessary for them to feed their babies and a sick baby clearly needs the best quality breastmilk possible.

FF babies are given the food they require too.

If a ff baby is accompanied by the father, should he be fed?

If the baby is weaned, should refreshments still be offered? A line always has to be drawn somewhere and this seems a sensible place.

And I say this as a mother of both ff and bf children.

AnnieWaits · 15/04/2018 14:56

They don't supply formula either though...

They can't if they have or are working towards UNICEF Baby Friendly status.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 15/04/2018 14:56

Buzz, different aged babies have very different feeding needs.

Hmm I know.

Ill babies have very different feeding needs too.

The point is the hospital is there to provide for the patient. The patients nutrition is coming from mum if bf so the mum needs food to provide for baby. They don't have the funds to feed everyone.

I've been the bf mum and the ff mum here and totally understand why it is as it is and wasn't annoyed at having to provide my own food when ff. It makes sense.

Lovesagin · 15/04/2018 14:56

And I'm pretty sure that a mums body will still produce milk if they miss one or two meals, I remember reading something that said the mums body will start depriving HER of nutrients that the body stores to produce the milk, meaning it would take a pretty long time for not eating/drinking to become a problem regards bfing.

Nah, call me cynical but this seems to be just another way to make ff mums feel inferior and bf mums on some sort of pedestal. I used to feel really awkward when id go the docs, start bfing and the receptionists would cluck around asking if I wanted a cup of tea, a cushion etc . No, I'm just bfing, not resurrecting the dead FFS!

Rikalaily · 15/04/2018 14:58

It's not just to do with milk supply - Hospitals have to feed the patient, if that patient is a breastfed baby then the mother is fed as SHE is feedng the patient. Also breastfeeding mums can't just leave the ward to get get themselves food incase baby needs feeding - Anyone can give a bottle, a breast only baby needs mum there.

lalalalyra · 15/04/2018 14:58

The nurses at the hospital DD4 goes to regularly absolutely wreck their BF statistics over this issue as they hate it.

Every baby is either BF or mix-fed (they also get a meal) on the meal planning system.

They feel very strongly that one parent with the baby should get fed. That means nobody has to leave their baby to get food (I say 'has' because most do anyway because the food is dire) and also doesn't discriminate against Dads. There was a man in with his baby last time we were in who spent his time going between the baby and his wife, who was on another ward seriously ill, the nurses made sure he was fed every day and even made him laugh commenting that the doctors might bring some students around to check out his mix-feeding ability. The very, very stern head nurse (Sister?) told him that if anyone questioned it he was to say he sometimes used yellowed topped bottles and sometimes green - that's a mix.

JoandMax · 15/04/2018 14:59

Toddlertea - that’s definitely the fairest way I think. Even though mine was tube fed on a strict routine it’s a lot easier said than done to just nip to the shop. Nurses were always so busy and the shop the other side of the hospital so a minimum 25 minutes. Plus DS2 would become hysterical away from me even with DH..... When he was in pain and scared it felt so unfair to leave him. Just some tea and toast after a horrible horrible night would of made my life so much easier!

ILikeMyChickenFried · 15/04/2018 15:00

When my twins were born we discussed how great it would be if the NHS allowed you to buy meals to eat on ward.

My DH was with me but the babies were born over the weekend when all the hospital food places were shut. If he wanted to eat he had to leave us for around an hour and a half which was not happening when they were poorly. It would've been great if he could have paid for a hospital meal too.
He had no medical need to not leave us but when his babies were poorly he wasn't going anywhere. It would have been a huge help if he hadn't have had to survive off a bag of crisps.

DairyisClosed · 15/04/2018 15:02

@ilikemychickenfried when my baby was tube fed (combination ff and expressed bf if it matters) they had a feed schedule and the nurses would do it. But if he was unsettled they would feed him a bit early if he seemed hungry. I assumed that they did the same for ff babies. So it would only be the bf babies that could only be fed by their mother.

Juells · 15/04/2018 15:03

How often did you test that Juells

Several times :( Ex was a nightmare control freak, probably hated me. The occasion I remember best was when we were going for 'a weekend away to try to repair our relationship' and I overslept. DD had colic and would cry and cry all night, I was getting no sleep. Ex decided we were leaving at 9am, I hadn't had a breakfast or cup of anything, we had a four-hour car journey with both baby and me crying and sobbing as she tried to feed, to no avail. After a couple of weeks of that I packed up and went home to my parents.

ILikeMyChickenFried · 15/04/2018 15:03

That wasn't my experience on a paediatric ward. The nurses, though wonderful, were too busy and would leave a baby if they could knowing mum would be back soon.

DairyisClosed · 15/04/2018 15:04

Good idea re selling meals on wards BTW. If only the NHS were run to male profit you could have.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/04/2018 15:06

Surely there is a case here for hospitals to carefully consider where to locate their food outlets. Even a well stocked machine with some sandwiches and fruit in would be better than nothing, like they have in some unis etc

nellieellie · 15/04/2018 15:07

It’s not that FF mums aren’t getting fed. It’s that BF mums ARE. The baby needs to be fed. To produce enough milk, you have to eat and drink at regular intervals.

MoreProsecco · 15/04/2018 15:08

curly - yes, that's correct! When my 3 month old DD was in hospital (not BF as very prem & couldn't latch) - there was no food or drink provided for her 24hrs admission. When I had to leave to find something to eat, it was very much frowned upon. I was expected to provide all the non-nursing care, including feeding.

The ward play specialist volunteered to look after her while I went out as quickly as I could.

ItsLikeRainOnYourWeddingDay · 15/04/2018 15:09

They feed the mums because the mums feed the babies. A sick baby needs breast milk as a matter of priority so ensuring the mother is hydrated and nourished is important. If a FF mother is dehydrated or starving it won’t affect the baby’s nutrition. I think it’s correct. As someone who has FF and BF.

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