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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say BF Mums shouldn't be getting fed if...

454 replies

daydrinker · 15/04/2018 14:15

IF FF Mums aren't?

My local hospital always feeds the BF mums but leaves the FF ones. They have to sort themselves out.

I've been to the local hospital a good few times now with DS and always asked within an hour if I want food Shock

If overnight stay, I'm fed 3 times a day with biscuits and tea in between. Formula feeding mums aren't offered anything.

AIBU to say this isn't fair?

My milk supply doesn't all of a sudden vanish if I'm hungry.

OP posts:
igglepigglegingin · 15/04/2018 16:14

I've recently come off a children's ward with my newborn who was very ill - she was fed via NG tube, albeit FF but I was still asked if I was breastfeeding her. I couldn't leave her for longer than 20 minutes to get food as she required my attention with monitors, etc however I still didn't qualify for ward dinners when asked if I BF or not. I felt quite isolated in a room on our own and felt no different to a BF mum who would also have her milk delivered via NG by a nurse. However, I completely understand that a BF would have to pump etc .

Mightymucks · 15/04/2018 16:19

I know staff probably won't have time to FF the baby but most people have visitors and it is entirely possible for a dad to feed a bottle. BF mum do not have this option. Is this really so hard to understand?

Having had twins on SCBU, can I explain something to you? When you have children in hospital the world does not stop. You still have bills to pay. You may well have other children who need care and have commitments like school to attend. Father’s normally still have to go to work and keep the family home running. We also live in a highly mobile world where many people do not have mothers or fathers or siblings around the corner.

I was lucky enough to be in a hospital where FF mothers were still fed. But if I hadn’t been I would probably have starved most of the time because I had two babies needing a high level of care and only had support for an hour a day when my DH was not working or taken up with care for our other child when I could fit in all the self care tasks like washing and eating. Being fed is a very small thing which makes a very difficult time a bit easier.

Troels · 15/04/2018 16:20

Are they providing formula for the FF babies? It may be that they aren't feeding Mums just feeding babies, and if you are BF, they provide food for the baby through you.

Sofabitch · 15/04/2018 16:27

Depends i guess they are providing one meal per bed. The FF babies are being given theirs in formula. The Bf babies arent being given anything so the parent is usually offered instead. Its a common policy

CheeseyToast · 15/04/2018 16:27

Well I was fed and they even offered to keep him in for a couple of days past recovery so I could go home and catch up on sleep. They would drive him home to me. Amazing.

Disclaimer: not UK

RickyGold · 15/04/2018 16:40

when my ds was in, the FF babies were supplied milk by the ward, the BF ones weren't so the mother got a meal, kind of makes sense, 1 person gets fed per inpatient, does not make sense if the ward not supplying the formula

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 15/04/2018 16:45

I know staff probably won't have time to FF the baby but most people have visitors and it is entirely possible for a dad to feed a bottle. BF mum do not have this option. Is this really so hard to understand?

Is it really so hard for you to understand that not every child has a mum and a dad on the scene? Or that even if they do have two parents, the baby may not be an only child. The other parent may have to be at home caring for other children, or out at work since even the most understanding and supportive employers won't grant indefinite leave because you have a child in hospital. As for "most people have visitors", this won't apply to everyone and is only relevent if baby happens to need feeding during visiting time.

Hughpughbarneymagrew · 15/04/2018 16:46

I've stayed on a paeds ward with ds b while he was ebf (twice) and again after we started weaning.
I think one parent per patient needs to be fed, or at least have the option to buy a meal without leaving the ward. There weren't enough staff to watch ds for me while I went to get food, so I had to stay with him all the time. It wasn't so bad in the ward which had a parents kitchen with a fridge and microwave because DH could drop me in microwave meals I could cook and wolf while DS was sleeping, but without that I'd have been living on pringles and chocolate for a week.

Gierg · 15/04/2018 16:55

This is awful!
I live in Denmark and My wee boy was 2 weeks when he was admitted with a UTI and both me and my partner got fed and we're both allowed to stay! I combi fed but one parent was always fed and there was usually extra food in the communal kitchen or leftover meals on the tray for my partner.

Think the nurses were particularly helpful cos I was breastfeeding but still!

CircleofWillis · 15/04/2018 16:55

In an ideal world whenever a parent is needed to provide essential care for their child they should be fed. However, realistically in this financial climate where this is just not possible I would hate for breastfeeding mothers to lose this facility.

My daughter was in the Nicu and Scubu for 4 months and no parents were fed then either. I was madly expressing and and breastfeeding but had to use hospital canteens or bring my own food. I don't resent this at all as the mothers in children's wards have to do so much care. Breast feeding can take ages at a time especially for a sickly child and stress and poor diet (less than 1,500 calories a day) can interrupt a milk supply.

saison4 · 15/04/2018 16:59

Is it really so hard for you to understand that not every child has a mum and a dad on the scene?

I know that. But most women with a baby do have a partner/husband, parents, siblings, friends, somebody. When I was in with DD for a few weeks, pretty much everyone had numerous visitors during the day. I know some don't but let's face it - they are not the majority.

StabbyBitchTheEvilWitch · 15/04/2018 17:00

I wasn't fed when my FF 10week old was in for a week with an infection.

The same sort of thing...
There are signs around the ward that a parent is to be present at all times so when I was in with my DC I didn't eat. DC was 5 at the time & It was only 24 hours but really what are single parents meant to do in this situation?

Original poster
daydrinker · 15/04/2018 17:00

After reading all of the replies, I think it's fair to say it should be so that BF mums are fed.

But, the extent is a little silly. For example, with my friend as I mentioned earlier, she was fed because she BF... but the feeder in question is 2 Hmm

She ended up giving the meal to the poor woman with a newborn next to her, bless her

OP posts:
Original poster
daydrinker · 15/04/2018 17:01

sais which is fair enough. But don't you think the ones who genuinely have no one to bring them anything, should be fed too?

OP posts:
Sweetpotatoaddict · 15/04/2018 17:05

When ds admitted he was exclusively breastfed, formula was provided but no meals were provided for me.
So you could say that the bias was more in favour of formula fed babies. The nhs provided the sustenance for them but nothing towards the sustenance for a breastfed baby ( my dinner).

StabbyBitchTheEvilWitch · 15/04/2018 17:06

Sais I had nobody to bring me food, I live a 2 hours away from hospital door to door on public transport. My DM had my other DC & doesn't drive. People like me don't eat when their child is in hospital with rules like the child can't be left.

CircleofWillis · 15/04/2018 17:11

Stabbybitch, I definitely think in wards where there are rules that the child CANNOT be left all parents should be fed.

kaytee87 · 15/04/2018 17:14

It's not about feeding the mum though, they feed the babies. So for ff babies they provide formula, for bf babies they feed their milk supply.

butteryfluttery · 15/04/2018 17:15

This is true , and a bit unfair I do agree. I was in with dc2 when he was 2 weeks with meningitis , and when they did the dinner round they asked if I had received my dinner yet and I said sorry I'm one of those evil formula feeder witches lol

Goodasgoldilox · 15/04/2018 17:15

I think that the rule is that patients are fed whilst in hospital.

The milk for FF babies or food for the older children can be provided but the parents have to buy their own meals.

BF babies' milk comes from their mother - so to provide this for the baby, you need to feed the mother!

butteryfluttery · 15/04/2018 17:16

We visited all 5 wards during his first 6 week, and on one of them they welcomed my dc1 who is 2 and gave him dinner and had a play worker entertain him.

Mightymucks · 15/04/2018 17:17

saison, but you’re making the mistake of thinking the world stops when your child is in hospital - it just doesn’t.

My family live in another country and the other end of this one. My friends have jobs and children who are not allowed on the ward. They cannot dump their work or children to come to the hospital and sit with my child so help from them is not something I can rely on.

My husband works. We have bills to pay. He cannot ditch his job to come to the hospital and he also has to care for another child and work around that.

My experience was that mainly it was just mothers most of the time with fathers coming in the evening and occasional relatives popping by. There certainly wasn’t the endless stream of visitors you are describing, not least because visiting times and numbers are restricted.

kaytee87 · 15/04/2018 17:19

She ended up giving the meal to the poor woman with a newborn next to her, bless her

That was really nice of her.

JustaLittlePrick · 15/04/2018 17:21

OP, you tell stories like my mother.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 15/04/2018 17:22

saison so what if they're not in the majority?? They still need to eat!

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