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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say BF Mums shouldn't be getting fed if...

454 replies

daydrinker · 15/04/2018 14:15

IF FF Mums aren't?

My local hospital always feeds the BF mums but leaves the FF ones. They have to sort themselves out.

I've been to the local hospital a good few times now with DS and always asked within an hour if I want food Shock

If overnight stay, I'm fed 3 times a day with biscuits and tea in between. Formula feeding mums aren't offered anything.

AIBU to say this isn't fair?

My milk supply doesn't all of a sudden vanish if I'm hungry.

OP posts:
captainproton · 16/04/2018 20:33

I bf very jaundiced newborns on neonatal for several days and yes I got fed and watered, plus I was practically forced to BF. Turns out she was milk intolerant so this ended up being a good thing. You can’t really leave a newborn jaundiced baby, as when not feeding you’re either trying to grab 30 mins sleep, trying to wake a very sleepy baby ever 3 hours or trying to express. The fourth time I was in hospital for a week with my 6 month old who was having seizures and numerous tests which were really stressing her out. I fed her a lot on a par with newborn days, yes for comfort and I indulged her but seeing as she had to have lumbar punctures and be on IV I let her. The ward was hot and when you are BF and the baby is distressed and needs booby in plain sight at all times you don’t get much option to walk off and find sustinence, as baby gets hysterical and it’s thirsty work too. Also they thought she had an infection on the brain to start with and they told me to keep feeding for the ABs in my milk. So in an ideal world, feed all parents but if Mother’s milk / bf is going to soothe baby and possibly aid recovery of course they must feed and water mum. But please spare a thought for bf mums in these difficult situations they are only ones who can feed that sick baby as most bf babies will not take bottles if not familiar with them. And it’s huge pressure especially if Feeding is not established and I doubt they are thinking how jammy they are for bf and getting free food/drink.

NoPoxPlease · 16/04/2018 20:34

Maygirl - no prisoners, you can starve or leave your critically ill baby in search of a shop/ to stand in a queue. But if your bf and your baby is stable you can't possibly be expected to feed yourself.

Food should available to all mums of ill babies.

NoPoxPlease · 16/04/2018 20:37

It's not a bleeding competition.
Bf mums need to be fed, ff mums need to be fed.

Checklist · 16/04/2018 20:44

As paediatric wards ime are run on the assumption that one parent will stay with the child 24/7, that parent should be fed by the NHS - nobody finds it easy to leave a sick child to go find food on the other side of the hospital.

I used to have to ask another parent, who may have known nothing about DD's life threatening condition to watch over her, while I went to get food - bearing in mind, she could be admitted for several days every week at one time. Eventually, her 11th NHS consultant told us how to prevent a 999 call every week!

AccioUsername · 16/04/2018 21:04

Breastfeeding mums are fed because they are providing directly for their baby, the better they eat the better it is for baby. Yes, it is unreasonable to expect hospitals not to do this. It's not another way to push breastfeeding or whatever other crap has been said.
Formula is the norm, on tv shows and films it's 99% formula feeding, there's entire aisles in supermarkets dedicated to formula, advertising for formula everywhere, bottles on changing room doors and new baby cards, constant pressure to 'just switch to formula'. There is promotion for breastfeeding because the UK has one of the lowest breastfeeding rates, it is the biological normal but it isn't the societal norm. It's honestly tiring constantly having people saying that breastfeeding is constantly pushed on then when, as a breastfeeding mother, I find the complete opposite to be true.

Tillybilly1 · 16/04/2018 21:08

I think it would be good to offer option to buy hospital meals to parents who don't qualify eg FF mums or husband's/partners. The Costa shop helped us out as we would buy whatever they didn't sell at end of day as when bf I ate hospital meal and still hungry so it's probably more to preserve precious milk supply which reduces risk of NEC. I think breastfed mothers do need it the most but it would be good if they had some discretion. I had also had a kind catering lady offer my partner a spare meal as someone had been discharged early which meant more time together one day.

crunchymint · 16/04/2018 21:09

Except if you are a single parent with other kids, you may simply not be able to be on the ward 24 hours a day.

gemgemgemgemgem · 16/04/2018 21:09

Just another way to shame someone. How cruel.

NoPoxPlease · 16/04/2018 21:18

Accio what a load of utter nonsense!! Nobody is pressured to FF !! Even formula packaging states that breast is best as a legal requirement.

Breastfeeding is heavily promoted by the nhs without adequate support for those who struggle. Many, many mums want to bf but go not have adequate support.

Anyway , nhs food is hardly nutritious, at best it partially fills a hole. This isn't about nutrition really.

Mightymucks · 16/04/2018 21:20

Except if you are a single parent with other kids, you may simply not be able to be on the ward 24 hours a day.

If you are a single parent with other kids and no support it might well be a situation where SS would consider a temporary ‘no fault’ foster placement for the other children if one child was very sick.

AccioUsername · 16/04/2018 21:24

No Pox, I know lots of BF mums who have been pressured to formula feed...
Yeh formula companies state breast os best in tiny print simply because it's a legal requirement while putting heaploads of money into advertising and sponsorships in any way they can. It's all about the money and nothing about babies or their mothers. I feel like I need to say that I'm in no way against formula but I am very much against the formula industry.

Totally agree with the lack of support, there isn't anywhere near enough on most areas. Until there is formula will remain the normal.

crunchymint · 16/04/2018 21:26

A child would not be taken into care for this reason.

Mightymucks · 16/04/2018 21:45

A child would not be taken into care for this reason.

Yes they would:

A child can be placed with foster carers... short term, for example when you are temporarily unable to look after your child because of illness in the family

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/looking-after-people/children-and-local-authority-care/

You actually haven’t got a clue what you’re talking about have you?

DD43 · 16/04/2018 21:50

@AccioUsername

Formula is the norm.

Is it hell? Don't talk shite.

I have known about fifteen women have babies during this past 5 years. (Friends, colleagues, wives of colleagues, neighbours, extended family members, adult children of neighbours,) and at least two thirds of them breastfed their baby. Just because YOU don't, don't try and make out no-one else does either.

And whilst I know some people struggle to breastfeed, don't try and tell me, or anyone else, that formula feeding is more 'normal' and 'natural' than breastfeeding. Coz it ain't!

It's usually (IME) very young mothers (under 25,) who don't breastfeed. In addition, the middle and upper classes are more likely to breastfeed their babies.

AccioUsername

I know lots of BF mums who have been pressured to formula feed...

I bet you don't.

Babyplaymat · 16/04/2018 21:54

FF is the norm in our society. Not the biological norm, but the societal norm. Pressure comes from sides, and is quite insidious. You would have to be either hugely naive, or deliberately obtuse not to recognise that such pressure exists.

crunchymint · 16/04/2018 21:54

Foster care costs, local authorities try and save money. They will take a child into temporary foster care if the parent is in hospital. They will avoid taking children into foster care if they can and would in this scenario, to save money.

Grandmaswagsbag · 16/04/2018 21:55

Dd43 that’s people you know. If you take b/f rates across the country it’s a fair comment to say that formula feeding is the norm. But that’s not what this thread is about really.

Mightymucks · 16/04/2018 21:59

Formula is the norm.

Is it hell? Don't talk shite.

No, she is absolutely right. Britain has the worst breastfeeding rates in the world. Formula is the norm here after the first couple of weeks. And this is after years and years of high pressure breastfeeding promotion.

It’s not working. All it seems to be achieving is making mother’s who struggle to feed feel awful, unworthy, depressed and isolated.

81% of women try, so the desire is there, but they don’t continue. This browbeating of mother’s is not increasing breastfeeding rates.

AccioUsername · 16/04/2018 22:00

DD43 I did breastfeed, I still think formula is the societal norm, have you actually seen the figures? Other than the mum's I've met through breastfeeding groups, 99% of mums I know formula feed, most didn't even consider breastfeeding. 99% of babies on TV and movies are formula fed.
On the other side, of the breastfeeding mums I know the majority have had, 'well if you give formula they'll sleep through', 'oh but if you give formula I can help', 'oh baby shouldn't be feeding that much, they probably need some formula' I could go on!

DD43 · 16/04/2018 22:01

It's not the norm with people I know, and people are certainly not encouraged to do it!

DD43 · 16/04/2018 22:05

oh everyone else you know Formula Fed their baby, but YOU breastfed. SURE.........

Grandmaswagsbag · 16/04/2018 22:05

Mightymucks agree it’s not working. What’s lacking is aftercare and support and there’s no money for that and as our rates are so low many women won’t have family support either leaving them struggling alone. Throw in the might of multimillion pound formula advertising ( yes accio the formula industry is basically pure evil and it’s a massive bugbear of mine) and there’s not a lot of hope. What I don’t agree with is the suggestion that the nhs stops trying to promote breastmilk in the first place because it might make some people feel ‘guilty’. I’m not the one who’s mentioned snowflakes on this thread but seriously the nhs can’t lie to people and say the choice to ff is the same as breastfeeding. What’s sad is most women are having their choice removed becasue on inadequate support.

Grandmaswagsbag · 16/04/2018 22:07

Dd43 It’s not that unbelievable. I only met other b/f mums at breastfeeding cafe, all my existing friends ff.

crunchymint · 16/04/2018 22:09

And I remember a thread on here from a single mum with an ill baby in hospital who was being judged by other mums in the hospital because she could not stay with her baby all the time as she had other kids to care for.
Mothers do the best they can. Even the NHS website recognises that not every baby or child on hospital will always have a parent with them.

Mightymucks · 16/04/2018 22:11

And I remember a thread on here from a single mum with an ill baby in hospital who was being judged by other mums in the hospital because she could not stay with her baby all the time as she had other kids to care for.

Oh yeah. A thread on here which may or may not be true is a better resource than official advice from the Citizen’s Advice Bureau. Confused

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