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AIBU?

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Original poster

To say BF Mums shouldn't be getting fed if...

454 replies

daydrinker · 15/04/2018 14:15

IF FF Mums aren't?

My local hospital always feeds the BF mums but leaves the FF ones. They have to sort themselves out.

I've been to the local hospital a good few times now with DS and always asked within an hour if I want food Shock

If overnight stay, I'm fed 3 times a day with biscuits and tea in between. Formula feeding mums aren't offered anything.

AIBU to say this isn't fair?

My milk supply doesn't all of a sudden vanish if I'm hungry.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 16/04/2018 19:44

Was there nowhere to purchase food in the hospital?

Hospitals are pretty big places. It can take a long time to “nip” and buy a sandwich.

Grandmaswagsbag · 16/04/2018 19:48

There’s possibly a difference in staying in a ward longer term in which case I’d assume the babies condition was fairly stable (as in enough you could run to hosp cafe) and an emergency Situation such as you describe Fenella. Having accompanied my toddler to a ward in an emergency situation (anaphylactic reaction) we were in for about 8 hours. I have to say the thought of eating didn’t cross my mind as I was running on adrenaline until I got up and started to pass out with hunger. I had family with me who promptly ran to the coffee shop for a mars bar. Had I been on my own yes I would have probably fainted on the ward as I couldn't have feasibly left my child on an a&e ward. I’d like to think in that situation that someone somewhere could have produce something however in a crowded a&e ward I have no idea who that would be, certainly not a doctor or nurse! It’s an issue they could address but it doesn’t just effect parents of babies. As Fenella says parents do need access to food from the ward, definitely.

NoPoxPlease · 16/04/2018 19:48

We all know that breast feeding uses extra calories and may take a bit longer. Ff babies get reflux too! I've done both myself.... And was equally capable of feeding myself with both.

Ff babies still need their mums to be fit and well, present round the clock and to care for them.

All mums of seriously ill young babies should be offered sustenance. And away with your snowflake EBF mum nonsense.

The policy may be logically founded on nutrition, but pragmatically it's unfair.

GinIsIn · 16/04/2018 19:50

@crunchymint for the millionth time, I don’t want the NHS to feed all mothers for free. I want them to acknowledge all mothers’ need to be with their child and make food available for purchase to all mothers, not feed some for free and ignore the others.

NoPoxPlease · 16/04/2018 19:51

All mums on the same ward should be treated the same.

This argument does not concern patients on other eg adult wards.

Flopsymopsycottontailbuns · 16/04/2018 19:52

@FenellaMaxwellsPony absolutely. My kids always seem to get admitted around 6pm before I've had my tea. The cafe shuts and there is nothing!

Toomanytealights · 16/04/2018 19:52

Re adults of dying patients yes.

My 86 fil had no relations with him at times when mil was in IC. He was incredibly vulnerable at the time so yes of course on some occasions he should have been given food and free parking whilst we're at it.

Lillyringlet · 16/04/2018 19:52

As a BF mum who threw up and was ill from not eating or drinking enough while breastfeeding... Which then lowered my supply... Yea agree with the policy. It sounds harsh but they are technically feeding the baby via the mum not visiting mums. It sucks but it makes sense to why they do it or where would they stop in who they do and don't feed.

This is not about the mums here but making sure the babies are well fed to recover better and faster.

NoPoxPlease · 16/04/2018 19:55

Lillyringlet why didn't you just have something to eat?!

bigarse1 · 16/04/2018 19:56

we experienced this last year. my twins were admitted for 10 days some way away from home. my husband stayed at home with our other child and I stayed with the twins. a couple opposite were in with one child, the mum trotted off and got 2 meals every meal time, but the kid didn't eat so she had a whole plateful and her husband had the other. I was on my own with 2 children and not given any food in the whole ten days. couldn't even get coffee as they didn't have the staff to look after them both whilst I went to the parents room to make coffee and I wasn't allowed to take them with me as children weren't allowed. I'm afraid after a few days I took them with me as I couldn't manage with a drink. the meals didn't seem to be provided by need but completely by whether u were breastfeeding - this wasn't fair on people who had to ff, had children who were tube fed or like mine were on a specialist milk. when there are 2 parents its a lot easier for one of them to pop to the café/shop, when on your own with 2 children its almost impossible. good way to lose weight though!

Toomanytealights · 16/04/2018 19:57

If your baby or child isn't critical you can toddle off and get food so you don't get to that state. If your baby or child is critical you need to be with them at all times regardless of how they are fed. Starving highly distressed mothers is barbaric. I'm shocked this is allowed to happen.

Bollockingfuck · 16/04/2018 19:58

If your baby is in The NICU or SCBU the hospital provide formula, at least initially - I think of you want to have your own choice of formula you can provide it. The nurses will have a routine of feeding and changing the baby - if you’re not there because you are at home sorting out siblings or popping to the shop for food, they will still feed and change baby (although as mentioned already will possibly wait a short time so you can do those things if you’ve said you’ll be there at a certain time)
I’ve had 2 babies in Intensive care and special care. Trying to express milk every three hours, do the ‘cares’ when possible (washing, changing clothes and nappies - always time-consuming and fiddly in an incubator with lines attached to multiple limbs), be present on the ward for nursing changes and doctors rounds, plus attempt to sleep, shower and eat is a massive exhausting undertaking. All Whilst recovering from birth / c-section, being away from home, usually experiencing some level of ptsd because your baby is quite possibly dying in front of you.
Although this is still massively hard for FF they will have slightly less time taken up with expressing, sterilising, attempting breastfeeds etc.
So damn right BF mother’s need to be fed - and of course all parents should have easily accessible food to buy. I can’t tell you how excited I was to find a small convenience shop near Brighton hospital after living on vending machines, dry toast from the ward kitchen (which was stocked with bread and milk paid for by a charity) and whatever I could afford from the Costa in the hospital entrance for 4 days!
When we transferred to scbu in my local hospital I was offered Meals or packed lunches which were a life-saver.
It is in the NHS best interests to support breastfeeding for premature babies and newborns as there are many costly complications more likely to affect the baby being fed formula.

NoPoxPlease · 16/04/2018 20:00

I agree the policy is oversimplistic bigarse1. Best to feed all mums and not presume anything just because they are/are not breastfeeding. Shocking you were treated like that but some on here will still harp pm that you weren't breastfeeding so why should you bed fed.....

Tinkerbell1980 · 16/04/2018 20:03

When DD was in hospital at 2 weeks I was not fed, despite being with her 24/7. The hospital supplied formula to FF babies and food to the mum of BF babies. They didn't stock my formula, so I had to bring my own and feed myself. One of the nurses was horrified when she realised I was doing both, and getting nothing, so brought me a tray of snacks and treats- crisps, chocolate muffins, flapjack and a mug of tea. We went home the next day, thankfully, but I'd had a week of it.

Momo18 · 16/04/2018 20:06

I bf DS, we were brought snacks but had to get our own breakfast, recently had DD and she's formula fed, was brought everything and regularly too.

bigarse1 · 16/04/2018 20:07

NoPoxPlease the thing is it annoyed me that others were taking full advantage when others were left with nothing. a mother may well be bf but the husband that shovelled down a plate of food every mealtime certainly wasn't! I would have been happy to pay if a trolley of sandwiches had been around. when I came home, having eaten 2 sandwiches in 10 days and living off water as there was a sink on the ward, and about 3 hours of broken sleep each night I cried my eyes out. I hadn't expected that.

uberqueen · 16/04/2018 20:07

Politicians get free lunches and so should women who have just given birth regardless of whether they bfeed or not . And I say this as an exclusive breast feeder who knows it's a complete myth that not eating dries up your milk.

Icanttakemuchmore · 16/04/2018 20:07

Food should be given to all mums with bf and ff babies!

wineandcheeseplease · 16/04/2018 20:10

Dd was in hospital last week. She is 19m and i got fed because I was breastfeeding her still

MrsKoala · 16/04/2018 20:10

I was surprised when I was told this in Nov 2016 DD was only a few weeks old and got bronchiolitis. She was in the hospital for 5 days. They asked me if i was BFing and then said if i wasn't i'd have to go and leave her to get my own food. There was no way i'd have left her alone, so would have waited to eat for DH or my parents to bring me food in the evening or just not eaten.

Toomanytealights · 16/04/2018 20:11

You've said it,slightly less time is taken up. I've had a baby in SCBU. I was breast feeding. I get ill whenever I don't eat bfing or not. The time I was sat by my baby's bed was as traumatic but no more traumatic than for a ffing mother. Both need to be with their babies and fed. Utterly barbaric system and needs to change. Could save money on not feeding breast feeding mothers in for routine and perfectly able to plan ahead or use facilities. Only give to parents of the critical if money needs to be saved.

nonwonderwoman · 16/04/2018 20:11

When my dd(3) was in hospital for a couple of days for tests and I was breastfeeding her baby brother (who had to just tag along), I was offered food. It's not just if you are bfing the patient but all nursing mothers who are in the hospital with a patient.

I declined because the bf baby wasn't the sick one and was transportable to the cafe.

Grandmaswagsbag · 16/04/2018 20:16

Outrageous that a father could take advantage of free food for breastfeeding mothers whilst other mothers go without! That is taking the piss.

maygirl27 · 16/04/2018 20:30

Is this really happening on a maternity ward on the NHS or have I got this wrong. Sorry OP, but not had time to read all the thread. Surely mothers of ff babies need to be fed and cared for in the same way so that they can care for their babies.

What happens if you have to have an emergency CS for example and/or you are unable to breast feed for whatever reason?

C0untDucku1a · 16/04/2018 20:33

Then youd be the patient maygirl

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