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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

For being peed off that shop assistant made dd say thank you beofre giving her her sweets

393 replies

twobabies · 12/05/2007 15:45

Hi All

I really would like to know if IABU or not, so dd is not yet two and only just started talking. She can say thank you (well she says cue but we know what she means .

We went to the shop today for her treat as she has done really well with her potty training this week and we promised her a little choccy bar. We walked down and when I let her choose she was so excited, picked one and we went to the till. The shop was packed so she had been holding it for about 5 mins before we got to the till then I took it of her for the lady to scan and dd had a small winge.

The shop lady then says to dd loudly "well if your going to be like that your not having it back until you say thank you" whilst holding it out to dd? I said she doesnt talk actually and dd is quite shy around strangers so I knew she wouldn't. The shop assistant just looked at dd and said "well are you going to say thank you" dd is now hiding in my legs looking at me really upset. I said to the woman look she isn't going to say thank you and she said "oh i'm not sure you really deserve this then" before handing it over to me.

I think the reason i'm upset is because dd was so excited as she hardly gets sweets/choccy at all and I really thought this witch had spoilt it and made it look like dd had no manners to everyone else in the shop.

Please tell me if i'm just being hormonal or if this woman is actually mad?

OP posts:
Jennylee · 12/05/2007 20:46

cute profil pics by the way

Jennylee · 12/05/2007 20:46

of yer wean

nightowl · 12/05/2007 20:46

jennylee cant you speak proppa cos u av a kabab in ya mouf?

Wilkie · 12/05/2007 20:46

Thank you (I assume that was aimed at me??)

Wilkie · 12/05/2007 20:47

One is most flattered

ScottishMummy · 12/05/2007 20:47

chip shop owning family, own lots of chippies in edinburgh

and yes i think it is just us all mithering on bout wilkies erse wondering if mine needs to pay double on the bus being scottish and all

catsmother · 12/05/2007 20:47

Twobabies did NOT ask if she was being unreasonable for buying her daughter a "little" bit of chocolate, she asked if she was unreasonable to feel upset by the attitude of the shop assistant.

And no, she was not at all unreasonable.

Far from implying that a very young child had no manners, the stupid, bullying bag would have demonstrated to anyone within earshot that she was appallingly ignorant, very rude, and clearly had no experience of dealing with children.

It wasn't her place to frighten your daughter (hiding in your legs), nor to imply that she was badly behaved ...... and, FFS, you had bought the bloody chocolate, and she had no right to retain it. It wasn't even as if the stupid woman had handed DD the chocolate already ..... and still, at that point, had I been her, I would not have expected, nor felt offended at, a tiny tot failing to say than you - though I'd have hoped that whoever was with them would have done the usual "say thank you" ...... but you were never given the chance.

What a rotten old cow.

Jennylee · 12/05/2007 20:49

fo sho is the case...wait a minute...I am okay now...mmmmmm whats for afters? or even....what shall I get ..FOR A SWEET? lol can't think of any other workie terms for dessert, pudding, an so on

banana fritter anyone

ScottishMummy · 12/05/2007 20:50

aye banana fritter ta

Jennylee · 12/05/2007 20:51

huv visitor so am of for the noo

Mercy · 12/05/2007 20:51

lol at Scottishmummy et al!!

Xenia claiming she's not backtracking

"Slim healthy middle class children don't have sdweets at all never mind as rewards"

"listen and learn"

Actually I would lol if you weren't so patronising Xenia.

ScottishMummy · 12/05/2007 20:53

OI jennylee that visitor better no be my man or u will be in soapy bubble

ninja · 12/05/2007 20:54

I came from v middle class family - no sweets (an easter egg had to last 3 of us for weeks and was the highlight of the year!) As a teenager I binged dreadfully, was quite overweight with food issues and I'm sure there's a link. I think a health attitude towards food is what counts and that's to do with family traditions more than class.

I can't believe I'm, getting sucked into this.

flightattendant · 12/05/2007 20:55

Twobabies - the woman was pig ignorant about children, totally agree with your OP! And about the breastfeeding, agree there too.
I dunno why exactly but I am single, on benefits and get looked at strangely that I Bf'd DS for 16 months and plan to do similar with this one...
even the other mums at preschool are like, 'Eugh I didn't wanna do that'...WTF?
Cheaper, healthier, great if you hate washing up...I could go on for ages.
Your HV sounds a bit weird to make assumptions like that.

NotanOtter · 12/05/2007 21:00

i would be pleased if a shop assistant did that!

madoldcatlady · 12/05/2007 21:00

If Easter eggs are a measure of class, we must be the pits. We got 32 between 5 of us this year!

electra · 12/05/2007 21:01

In reply to the OP - you are certainly quite right to be angry. I would be livid. I think I have encountered situations like this with my dd before. I deal with them by saying "Don't worry dd - you don't need to take any notice of her". If people talk cr@p and stick their noses where they shouldn't just undermine them

madoldcatlady · 12/05/2007 21:04

Toff blokes or a bit of rough. Gimme the rough every time.

Judy1234 · 12/05/2007 21:20

Why is the presentation of facts about rates of XYZ in different socio-economic groups snobbish?

If you want me to list ways working class women are better than middle class I can just as easily do that. More of them work and don't live off men and are often more feminist for a start.

On the original post the more shop keepers insist on manners and the more strangers upbraid our children over all in general I think the better. I always found it helpful. We have somehow lost that group responsibility.

hatrick · 12/05/2007 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

catsmother · 12/05/2007 21:27

But the child WASN'T being ill-mannered for heaven's sake Xenia, and she isn't yet TWO !

It would have been entirely different if the assistant had objected to a loutish teenager snatching the item from her or throwing their payment at her.

yogimum · 12/05/2007 21:27

who needs to go out on a saturday night, with eurovision on and mumsnet for entertainment!

flightattendant · 12/05/2007 21:30

Oh my! Xenia, have you got children? Did yours say 'Thankyou' perfectly even to intimidating strangers before the age of two?
I would be worried if I saw one who did tbh...
sometimes I'm relieved when someone we know tells DS gently to stop being a nuisance when we're talking, or something reasonable like that. It backs me up.
But this case is different and I think it was outrageous that the woman interfered in a totally inappropriate way with an issue that was between Twobabies and her daughter.

NoBiggy · 12/05/2007 21:42

The woman is there to serve customers, not make a judgment on whether they deserve their purchases!

Not unreasonable, far too reasonable, I'd say, as you didn't tell her off! Hectoring a 2 year old. Pah!

Not going near the other argument, thanks.

sunflowervalley · 12/05/2007 21:45

Have been reading this and would like to put a different perspective on all this.

My DS is 5 and has selective mutism so only talks in certain situations he is comfortable with and to people he is comfortable with.

I agree with the OP that this lady was rude in insisting on the little girl spoke to her.

I know the feeling all to well when out with DS whether it shopping,the library etc on people insisting he talk and thinking him rude if he does'nt.
This puts pressure on my DS which he does'nt need and is difficult for me to explain whilst DS is standing their with me.

Why is it people think it is rude when young children don't talk back to in effect complete strangers,when we at some point will be telling them not to talk to strangers.
What's wrong with a shy child,should they all be running around chatting to everyone they meet.

When I get comments from people like "cat got your tounge" when my DS does'nt respond I feel like saying "No,but I wish it would get yours"

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