To ask if you could change just one decision you have made...

[LifePond]

What would it be?

Mine : In October 2005 I considered changing my mobile phone number but did not. I wish I did ....

I'd have finished med school. Well, tried to at least. Had my DS half way through and thought studying and being a mum would be too hard and I'd fuck it up so better to just drop out and focus on being a good mum. I love being a mum but with the benefit of hindsight I think if I'd tried I could have done both. At least I wouldn't have the "what if" hanging over me.

However, if you'd asked me 4 years ago I'd have given you a very different answer, as I made a choice back then I regretted so much I truly thought it would kill me. Back then I'd have given anything in the world to change that choice, but now I realise it was for the best. It still hurts, but I wouldn't change it. And that choice was much harder and hurt much more than leaving med school. So I imagine in 5 years time I might not regret that choice so much either - by then I'll probably have fucked something else up and be wishing I could change just that one thing instead...

I wouldn't have had any dc so I guess that's two things I'd change.
I definitely wouldn't have the second dc knowing what I know now.
I advise my dc NOT to have any children of their own.

Gosh that is really bleak. And I think really sad for your kids as they realise you regret having kids.

May I ask why?

I wish I'd realised that my dog was dying.

I wish I'd stopped obsessing over how fat I was/an and just embraced my youth. And I was gorgeous when I was younger! Why did I hide away so much.
But otherwise not much. Maybe skipped whichever shag gave me HPV and then cervical cancer. But didn't know then or now when that might have been. And you know, it was all part of life.
As I sit in a nice house, near my parents, with my family around me, can't really say I'd change much. (except that 'reply all' incident one drunken night. ;) )

other than buying a house for £22k in London about 30 years ago (which I could now sell and retire) not much else - have made loads of mistakes but hey I also realise how lucky I have been - not least meeting my fantastic partner at 22 who has been my greatest supporter (and also made me laugh for the last 30 years!)

All the shit decisions I've made and all the stupid stuff I've done and said have been the consequences of who I was and where my head was at at the time. So wishing I'd done things differently is wishing for a perfect past that never was.
Right now, it's occurred to me to wish I'd had a kid earlier, rather than accidentally-on-purpose getting up the duff at the age of nearly 41 just because I knew I wouldn't have that much of another chance. But I was a basket case when I was 30. I might've done ok, but then I might've gone completely bonkers and screwed things up completely. And DS is utterly perfect; I know that now.

My boyfriend 13 years ago found a lump in his groin. I knew this could be a type of cancer but as he was young felt it was unlikely, and as a new girlfriend didn't want to seem fussy, so I decided not to mention it.

He died from that cancer two years later. I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I'd mentioned the possibility if it being cancer. Would he had pushed it further with his GP? Would he have got treatment sooner? Would the outcome have been different? Possibly not, but I'll always wonder what my decision not to say anything did.

I never fought back against my school bullies. If I had to do it over again, I would hurt them physically as hard as I could whenever I could. Make sue they knew never to mess with me. The damage they did to me can never be repaired.

Generally very happy with life at the moment but there were definite forks in the road... a guy who asked me out in the first year of Uni who I rejected as I thought his friend was more attractive; not doing a year overseas; a guy I met just after graduating and should have appreciated a bit more; not buying a flat in London with a friend when we first moved there; not going to work in Australia when I had the chance.
In some ways, my biggest regret is not having taken sport more seriously at secondary school & then continued with it into my 20s. Being good at sport was not "cool" and I was so desperate to be part of the "in" crowd that I stopped doing any exercise. I've been overweight all of my adult life and I think I may not have been had I always had exercise as a regular part of my life rather than an extra to be fitted in around everything else.
I am curious to see whether a recent work decision will turn out to be a regret or not.

It would be to tell my parents about the man who attempted to abduct me over 30 years ago as I was walking home.

15yr old me didn't want to risk not being allowed to go hang out with my friends in a neighbouring area anymore.

The man looked very like one of the suspects in a cold case documentary last week, his victims were not as lucky as I was and I can't stop thinking about them.

I wish I'd been harder hearted and moved out of home at 18 or a little bit older rather than stay and become a carer (started the caring path at 8 for my gran so already done 10 years of it by then) for grandfather then mother.

Brother has his life, wife and fantastic job in a different city. I'm approaching mid 30 and stuck at home with no relationship or family caring for mother (and grandfather as his care home is crap) and brother is literally no help whatsoever and only calls home once a year if that.

I wish I hadn't agreed to date this guy back in 2nd year uni. I basically fell in love over the course of a week of dates, then he dumped me (out the blue) and I was heartbroken.

I binged so badly I put on a stone in 3 weeks, and basically gave myself IBS. I spent 2 years bloated and farting in the uni library and really suffering before I realised I was lactose intolerant, and fructose too. Basically FODMAP. I now eat half as much food and really bland stuff like toast, meat, rice, pasta. I manage but it's not ideal.

I always joke to my friends - he didn't break my heart, he broke my fucking stomach!

I would have documented/photographed my stepfather sexually abusing and harassing me as a child and teenager. This was way before camera phones, social media etc, but I still could have kept or taken pictures with a disposable of the notes he left under my bedroom door offering me £500 for sex, or when he left an imprint of his penis on my make up mirror. But I was terrified, so I ripped up the paper and cleaned the mirror. There were many many other grotesque things he did, even writing a log would've helped.

Now, 13 years later, I am too afraid to go to the police because I know they'll tell me I have no evidence. The fact that my mum now knows all of what he did, and has remained married to him, also makes me wish I'd done more to document the abuse, because she either doesn't believe me or doesn't think it's a big deal.

I wish I had purchased a house back in the nineties when terraces were going for £25k in my city. It would have been a dump but my life would look very different now.

I wish I had stayed in the army.

That said I might have my amazing children if I had done those things so I wouldn't change them really.

not

I should have refused to be transferred to smaller hospital while in labour with DD1. Smaller hospital fucked up the birth and DD1 will have lifelong difficulties as a result.

Trousers of time indeed. I have no real regrets, everything then got me to now.

The only thing is that I wish I hadn't binned those letters from him. They'd be worth a fortune now!

I wish I had ignored my parents terrible advice and followed the career path I had chosen.

Instead of actually having a 'career' I've had a string of mediocre jobs that have left me with 0 options and 0 future opportunities to return to work after being a sahm.

Oh also, the secondary school I picked for Year 7. It was shit so in Year 10 I ended up moving to the least socially mobile state school in the country. 6 kids on free school meals (I didn't even know what that was) in 5 years.

I hated it, everyone had Jack Wills, were super bitchy and entitled, and treated you like shit if you didn't fit in. It acted like a stuck-up private school with a really horrible ethos. I think I spent 14-18 crying myself to sleep and counting down until uni. I remember being shocked at uni that people smiled at you in the corridors and would talk to you if you sat with them in lectures! It was like a revelation, I had the 4 best years of my life at uni after that school hell.

That whole school experience is why I will never let my kids just pick what school they want to go to....I'm pretty sure I picked both schools just because I like the uniform.

I regret being sterilised at 28 it was a rushed descision I felt I was forced to take. I am very lucky as I have two healthy and beautiful DD's but I wish every day I didn't have it done. I can't talk about it with anyone as I think they will think I'm being selfish as I already have children.

Wish I made better choices in men.

Accepting that first cigarette as a teenager. God, the money I've wasted. Not to mention the small matter of risking my health.

Mine was that i fell pregnant and then married him. Not that I fell pregnant.
We got married because I thought marrying him was the right thing to do. Security and that, I was in love, even though we'd only been back the other a few months.
I unwittingly gave him PR.
I so wish I'd of done it in my own. I did anyway regardless of the fact we were married!!

Now I have the whole "can I take Our DD in holiday" etc etc. Regardless of the fact he pays nothing Maintenence and sees her every two weeks with no contact in between (his choice)
I hate him for the fact he's so blasé about her upbringing. When it suits him.
except when he feels like it. Like getting her ears pierced.

As in the holiday, I have to ask him to take her away on holiday. He isn't there for anything. Not for one thing.