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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel like a bloody fool

129 replies

mummabeargrr · 14/04/2018 19:32

My DS called me a couple of weeks ago to invite me to hers for a BBQ for today, my DF would be in the country and staying with her so we could all meet up. I got DD to organise her work so she had the time off so we could all be there. I get a phone call yesterday from DF to tell me how poorly DS was (she has had a cold) and how busy he was and would it be ok to cancel and maybe he would pop up next weekend to see the DGC but we'll speak later. I said of course obviously.

Then 3 hours ago discover via FB that DS,BIL And DF have all gone to the races!

OP posts:

GeminiWarrior · 14/04/2018 19:59

That’s horrible on their part. Please address this with them?!

spanky2 · 14/04/2018 19:59

It's not that they're stupid, they don't care they're caught out and wanted to boast to their fb cronies.
I'd be done with any kind of relationship with them. They wouldn't be allowed to upset my dcs again.
It is not you. You are not a fool. Why would you expect family to do this?

Aprilmightbemynewname · 14/04/2018 20:00

They deserve all you can think of to rant at them.

Original poster

mummabeargrr · 14/04/2018 20:00

@Mummyoflittledragon I don't honestly know to be fair, yes she is his favourite, but he's never been overly obvious about it. He did come over to UK once before and not tell me, but BIL posted he was in the country on FB and I called him on it and he went off about how posting everything on FB is awful, never apologised. I would think maybe they don't want to see the kids Sis and BIL don't have any, but they went to the races with someone and their kids.
So not sure what the reason is.

OP posts:

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 14/04/2018 20:00

You're not a fool. Your family are a bunch of dicks though

Have they always been like this?! It's so sad to hear of families behaving like utter shits but it no longer surprises me.

I would back off and be unavailable should darling grandad be bothered to see his grandchildren. I couldn't resist putting a comment on the Facebook thing before buggering off though. I can't say if this is what you should do but if my family did this to me there'd be no coming back.

Sorry they're so shit we're always here if you need to rant

DonutCone · 14/04/2018 20:02

Just comment. 'So glad DS is feeling so much better xxx' and leave it at that.

PinkCalluna · 14/04/2018 20:05

I would calmly tell my father I was very disappointed in him and that he had hurt my child’s feelings.

I wouldn’t say anything to my sister. She wasn’t the one that called with the lie.

ValleyClouds · 14/04/2018 20:05

"He's never been overly obvious about it"

He has previously flown into the country and only informed your sister and not you - I'd say that's fairly overt.

They both have form for excluding and disregarding you and I think it's time you either challenged your father or cut your losses, avoiding confrontation only serves to allow them to walk all over you

SomewhatDisgruntled · 14/04/2018 20:06

I don't think people can be so stupid as to post something like this on FB and not think that family will see it (this isn't the same as people being caught out by work after lying about being sick, because these family members are obviously FB friends). Hurtful as it is, I think they really don't give a toss that you will know they cancelled your plans for something they decided they'd rather do. If your sister's really vindictive, she could even be testing you to see how badly she can get away with treating you. Either way, it's in your best interests to say something so they don't think they can continue to treat you and your feelings as irrelevant. Whether you do it with a public FB comment or a text to all of them saying that you were really disappointed that they chose to cancel your plans - with a lie - and then exclude you and your DC from their day, is up to you.

PositivelyPERF · 14/04/2018 20:08

Do you have mutual friends on Facebook? If so I’d put a photo of the drawing on it and say you’re so sorry your sister isn’t well and had to cancel today’s plans. You hope she likes the get well soon card that your child spent ages drawing for his favourite auntie.

SomewhatDisgruntled · 14/04/2018 20:08

notsohippychick I hope they lose all their money and stand in horse shit.

Scullerymaid · 14/04/2018 20:09

What a dirty low down trick, op. I'd bin the sly gits.

Agree with pp, treat yourself and your dd to something
nice tomorrow.

GaryBaldyBiscuit · 14/04/2018 20:11

Say nothing, arrange for him to come down for lunch and be out.
When he calls to ask where you are tell him you’re at the races.

Probably a relationship killer but honestly I wouldn’t want anything to do with them.

e1y1 · 14/04/2018 20:13

Evil shits.

Bin them, they obviously don’t give a fig for you, why should you them?

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2018 20:13

Your sister sounds like a narcissistic drama queen. And she has probably learnt some of this from your father by the sound of it. Your sister is bad enough but who the hell lies to their own child? On more then one occasion. Could you imagine doing that to your D.C.?? And your father may or may not bother to visit you next weekend wtf! Can you not see that doing this is blatantly telling you who his favourite is?

Time to get insular and centre on your little family.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/04/2018 20:15

GaryBaldy.
I like your evil plan.

Juells · 14/04/2018 20:16

I wouldn't let on that I'd seen it, because your sister may have posted deliberately to have a dig at you. But I'd be NC from now on. They've both been absolute shits, and who needs that kind of aggravation?

Juells · 14/04/2018 20:17

Tee hee - just saw GaryBaldy's plan, it's much better

thebewilderness · 14/04/2018 20:18

Yes, it is a mistake to take responsibility for their behavior by feeling a fool.
They behaved abominably. You now know they cannot be trusted. That is important and will effect your future.

snewname · 14/04/2018 20:20

Please try to step back and see it for what it is. Try not to take it personally. It’s them not you. Disengage. Let them approach you if they want and see them if you want and be polite, but have no expectations. Then they can’t disappoint.

Smithy01 · 14/04/2018 20:22

I’d comment on the Facebook post, something along the lines of “Hope your having a fantastic time and backed family destroyed, I’m sure it will have been worth it for you!”

icelollycraving · 14/04/2018 20:24

What utter shits. I would have to connect and like the pics, not like but the 😲.
I’d then unfriend and block temporarily, sounds like it’d be no loss.

Original poster

mummabeargrr · 14/04/2018 20:26

GaryBaldy I love it - but am too wet to do it!
Notsohippychick made me properly laugh!

Still in shock to be fair. I would NEVER do that to one of my kids. Fair enough plans change but don't boldly lie about it!

OP posts:

stressedoutpa · 14/04/2018 20:26

"Dad, next time please don't lie to me about why you don't want to visit. No, we're not available next weekend."

Angrybird345 · 14/04/2018 20:27

I’d call them out on it. What gits.

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