To wonder if late forties is really too late for DP To be a dad?

[MrsLemonadeBrain]

Just probing really here, there’s little over 10 years between DP and I and we’ve been taking about starting a family and how it’s probably best we wait a few years.
Perfectly reasonable in many ways, but that will bring DP up to 46/47 when I become pregnant /give birth permitting all goes well and we fall quickly. (Something that I’m not 100 on given that I’ve had one previous pregnancy that ended in tmfr at 19w 5d and that took over 2 years to fall)

Just wondering if anyone has experience of this and how having, being or parenting with an older dad impacted you/ your DC(‘s)
Thanks

My father was 57 when he had me. He was a wonderful father and he lived to be 105. He was much closer to me than to my siblings, whom he had in his 40s, because his priorities had changed and he was less of a compulsive workaholic, so had time for me. I miss him every day.

I would think the bigger consideration would be your age to be honest.

My exh was 48 when our son was born. I do think he found it harder than when he was younger but I think that was him rather than a general issue.

DD (4)'s father is 54 (16 years my senior) but he is a total cunt and a dreadful example of a man and a good example to no one .

Ha ha ha yes OP you old woman!

It’s fine.

Why are you not going for it now? I agree that the issue might be your age not his, bearing in mind it took you two years to conceive already.

My partner was 52 when his ds1 was born, 54 when his ds2 was born and 59 when dd3 was born. He’s taken ds1 on a scooter to box hill for a burger!

I’d be about 35, so hardly drawing my pension.
I just don’t know if health wise he’d be up to it?
50s at primary school pick up etc?
Maybe I’m overthinking it, but he’d be the same age as my nana was when I was born!

In medical terms, if the mother-to-be is over 35 it's termed a "geriatric pregnancy". It may be socially normal nowadays but on the physical level it's not ideal.

My cousin's husband is an older Dad - they had their youngest when he was 59. He's very fit and active and is an absolutely brilliant Dad, not least because he is more financially secure and he is more patient. And the mum was 39 so forget what you hear about people saying there is an issue with ages. They are a lovely family and there were no problems at all.

It’s a really tricky one. My exh was 48 when we had our ds. Although it didn’t work out for us, he was a great dad and totally involved in all aspects of his life. 50/50 after we split etc & the fittest most active man & Dad you could imagine.

But at 64, he’s recently died, leaving my teenage boy devastated.....

On the one hand, I think he died from cancer which you can get at any age, he was a great dad and my son will hopefully remember him as such once he’s got over the shock and at the time I loved him and wanted a child with him not anyone else .......
But on the other hand I do also feel
guilty that I loaded the odds for my son to not have his dad throughout his childhood by choosing to have a him with someone who was nearly 50. My boy is so very very sad and there is nothing I can do at the moment to help.

@donotdisturb
The first Pregnancy was a massive ordeal, and it’s coming up to a year since we lost and I’m still terrified of falling pregnant despite knowing We would like a family

I wouldn’t worry op. On MN, young mothers are bad and should be travelling and partying. Old mothers are old and embarrassing children and practically dead. In between mothers are worse as they did not travel and party or embarrass their children with their wizened faces at the school gates. Just do what suits your family!

Maybe sooner rather than later is best?
There’s nothing to suggest he wouldn’t be an incredible dad it’s just the age thing and I guess I’m not getting any younger!

When would be best for you is the right time. Honestly, people will always find something you did wrong!

As long as you've discussed all the issues including the fact he'll be sixty as the child heads to senior school, seventy when he leaves uni - and any health issues that might obtain - I don't see why not. He's not Mick Jagger or Rod Stewart .... and it could give you both much joy.

If you've had a history of difficulty in conceiving and pregnancy failure, waiting ten years would be extremely risky.

DH was 50 when we adopted, and the younger of the DCs was 2. It has been fine, (though the demographic at the primary was for younger parents so we could easily have been GPs.)

If you want children, start trying now.

Once you get to 30 your fertility decreases and then 35 even less. It took me 3 years to conceive with the help of IVF. 39 is the cut off point for help with the NHS.

"fifties at primary school pickup"

So are you worried what other people will think, or are you thinking 50 is old?

Neither is the answer.

I'd not think twice about a man being 46 and being a father. I'd be more worried about someone aged 17- 25!

50 might seem old to you now, but that says more about your ageist attitudes.

My dad was in his 40's when his eldest (me) was born. He was a lovely dad. Sadly he died in his early 60's when I was only 21 and my sibling slightly younger. It's been life changing to lose him but I'm glad I had the time I did with him.

My dp is in his late 40's he is absolutely positive that he doesn't want children and he feels too old to do it again.

I personally think as long as you understand that he may not be around well into the children's adulthood (but that could be said of any parent at any age!) and he is up for the work involved in being a good hands on father then fine. If not then you and the kids are the ones that suffer.

claraschu

That's lovely