To wonder if late forties is really too late for DP To be a dad?

[MrsLemonadeBrain]

Just probing really here, there’s little over 10 years between DP and I and we’ve been taking about starting a family and how it’s probably best we wait a few years.
Perfectly reasonable in many ways, but that will bring DP up to 46/47 when I become pregnant /give birth permitting all goes well and we fall quickly. (Something that I’m not 100 on given that I’ve had one previous pregnancy that ended in tmfr at 19w 5d and that took over 2 years to fall)

Just wondering if anyone has experience of this and how having, being or parenting with an older dad impacted you/ your DC(‘s)
Thanks

I think the age of your DP is kind of irrelevant OP.

You have fertility issues, and your update that your mother hit menopause at 37 is what I would be focussing on. If the two of you have decided you want children, you need to go for it.

Chrys2017 - I actually thought it would be mentioned. When my mum had my brother, 25 years ago, she was 38 and it was always mentioned, she was in and out of hospital for tests. I fully expected it but not once was it mentioned. Granted, I had a good pregnancy (I was very lucky) so I assumed I was not considered geriatric. Maybe if I'd had issues it would have been mentioned? Who knows.

My former boss took early retirement/redundancy at 50 and sired his third child at 51. His wife was 44, and very surprised when she found out she was pregnant - she's a family planning nurse!

Ten years ago, when he would have been 63 or so, I met him and his son when I was walking the dog and they were cycling the South Downs Way. He looked amazingly fit and well, and said he'd loved being able to stay at home with his son for the first few years and that it was so much easier than with his first two. They're comfortably off, they weren't having to work hard, progress in their careers, take further qualifications etc. They found it was far less stressful than the first time round and he said he had far more patience and didn't sweat the small stuff.

He said the only problem was that people couldn't get their heads round him having a grandson older than his son. He regards it as one of nature's cruelties that when you're older and have the patience and wisdom to be a really good parent, it's usually too late!

Dh was 41 when ds was born and 47 when dd was born 16 months ago. I was almost 32 when I gave birth to ds and it took us 2 years and hospital tests before we conceived. With dd I was almost 38 when I gave birth, I'd for pregnant just 3 months after stopping the pill. There appears to be little rhyme or reason to fertility in our case!

Dh has loads more patience in his late 40s, is more relaxed and seems to appreciate all the joys they bring. He is however more tired more quickly, but tries to stay fit with cycling and judo. Age is often a state of mind. And from a relationship perspective we've been together for 16 years and are happier now than at any time in the past.

DH was 46 when we had our first and 49 with the second (12 years older than me). He is a VERY fit 49 though and looks about 39/40. When we got together I assumed the age gap was about 4 years. We conceived easily both times.

He does more than 50% of the parenting as I am pushing hard on my career now and is brilliant with the DCs- very active. He took shared parental leave both times as well. He does get tired but I am knackered all the time as well so I don't know if he would have been less knackered 10 years earlier.

Of course I am aware he won't see them to middle age (well he might! But not as an active person. I do wonder how solo parenting adults will be. I know it won't be active parenting but it might be odd). But my granddad dropped dead at 47 with no warning so who knows?

He says he is glad to have done it this way round - got all the partying and travelling out of his system. Where we live he's not going to be out of place at the school gates. He's not at nursery.

My DH is late 40s and I’m pregnant with our second. He’s a good dad. Very involved and energetic. He was a bit wild when he was younger, and I think getting it out his system was good.

Thank you all. It’s great to hear that there are so many positive experiences of being older parents!
I’ve decided to come off the pill, so will be looking at my cycles etc.
Have ordered the natural cycles app too so can gauge where I am at whilst getting rid of the years of hormonal contraceptives

Thanks all

Interesting. My brother is late 40s. He has DC (3) from his first marriage and his 2nd wife wants them to adopt a baby. She's had fertility issues and can't conceive naturally.

My brother feels he's too old to be a dad to a baby. He doesn't want to be a parent of a teen while he's a pensioner.

If I'm honest, I agree with him. I know kids with older parents and they've not always felt its a good thing.

Someone upthread mentioned a dad at 57. A 60 year old being a dad to a 3 year old is almost embarrassing for me.