To wonder if late forties is really too late for DP To be a dad?

[MrsLemonadeBrain]

Just probing really here, there’s little over 10 years between DP and I and we’ve been taking about starting a family and how it’s probably best we wait a few years.
Perfectly reasonable in many ways, but that will bring DP up to 46/47 when I become pregnant /give birth permitting all goes well and we fall quickly. (Something that I’m not 100 on given that I’ve had one previous pregnancy that ended in tmfr at 19w 5d and that took over 2 years to fall)

Just wondering if anyone has experience of this and how having, being or parenting with an older dad impacted you/ your DC(‘s)
Thanks

At my school, there is a child in Reception whose father is 70.

My husband (12 years my senior) was 46 when our youngest was born. He finds them tiring and gets quite grumpy when they misbehave, but that may not be related to age. His uncle was 60 when his youngest child was born - I think that's pushing it a bit, but he's fortunately in good health.

EFFic - I’m so sorry

My father was almost 50 when I was born. Mum was in her early thirties. For context, he was born in 1910 and was basically a Victorian in his attitudes. He died of cancer when I was eighteen. As others have noted, you can die at any time.

I would not have had it any other way. He was old fashioned, could be quite stern, but always open to a robust argument. He could be hugely embarrassing in all sorts of circumstances, but hugely protective and stupidly proud of my very small achievements.

He was also an astute judge of character, and if he had still been alive he would have taken one look at the bloke I married, been polite, but growled in a corner, and I'd have saved myself from more than twenty years of an abusive marriage.

I loved him to bits. Despite his antiquated ideas of parenting (as I thought at the time) he left me with a healthy sense of who I am, and a resilience which has been tested and not found wanting.

If your man is right for you, and you want him to be the father of your children, I would say from my experience of my own particular older father, go for it. The age isn't the issue, it is about the particular person. I would have loved my Dad to have been around for a lot longer, and to have met my kids and have been part of their lives, but I'm so glad I had him for the years I did.

We had twins when DH was 46. He is not sure about having another one when he is 49 though.

My DH is 48. We have a 7 year old and a 3 year old. He's fine, hardly an old Crocker. He goes to the gym, runs and does boxing and coach's a kids boxing team. He managed the sleepless nights and full time work with no problem at all. There are lots of people on second marriages in their early 40's having second families now, it's not that unusual.

I'm am 38 and 15 weeks pg with out 2nd.
Our first is nearly 4 and DP is 47.

So I will be 39 and DP 47 when next one arrives.
It took us nearly 2.5 years to get pg with #1
1st pregnancy after 17 months try sadly ended in miscarriage.

I hear what others are saying about not leaving it too late to start try.
But despite always wanting a family, the desire to start didn't come till I was 32.
Then BAM! Hit me like a brick.

Age is really subjective- it all depends on the individual!

There were 10 years between my mum and dad (dad was older) and she died first! He was an older dad but I never noticed it growing up- he was loving, caring, involved and patient as a parent x

I had my first child at 17 yrs old. At the time I can remember thinking (and feeling a little disgusted if I'm honest) that a friend who i met at toddler group was selfish for having a child so old. She was 30.

I had my second child aged 29. For me that was a perfect age.

I guess what I'm saying is that untill you are coming up to or are a certain age .. anyone much older seems, well pretty old.

My ex (dad of the child I had aged 17) just had his second child aged 48. It does seem old when I think he will 68 when his child will be 20 .. but we can all die at any age. Nothing is guaranteed.

Raffles1981 Yep, really. It's a medical term.
healthfully.com/geriatric-pregnancy-5032741.html

People saying death can happen at any age, that's true, but the chances are higher as you're older.

Research is starting to show that the age of the dad is more important than previously realised in genetic and other disorders. Also at 35 for you if there is a problem then you could well be late thirties before you resolve it. If you are settled with your partner I’d start sooner.

@gnothergnu I don't think op is suggesting waiting ten years

Depends on the health of your partner and whether you could cope with any serious health problems that are long lasting and small children. Talking from experience. My lovely husband (48) has just had a 2sd heart attack and had got various health concerns (came on over the last few years), that inhibit his ability to help with the kids (all under 10). My eldest ones miss their active dad and the youngest have no memory of him being like that.

No problem at all. My dad was 53 when I was born Bs a friend us pregnant at 49.

My dad was 42 when he had me and 45 when he had my brother.

He's 74 now and still in good health. Chances are he won't see his grandchildren grow into adults, but hopefully he will see them into their teens.

I think the main factor in age and parenting is the mothers age as it's the woman who has to carry the child.

My OH is in his mid-50s and we have a young primary-age kid and preschool kid. It all depends on the individual. My OH is extremely fit (just went for a 15km run this morning) and there’s no issue with him running around after young kids. I had my kids in my late 30s and am far from the oldest mum in the class, let alone the year.

Make your decision on your own situation, not someone else’s.

My DH became a father at 48 and was 50 for our second. We're knackered like any other parents but the biggest problem by far has been that the kids will never really know their grandparents. That does make me a bit sad.

STBXH was 47 (10years older than me) when the last offspring arrived. In answer to your question, yes, I think it is too old. He was old before his time anyway but his 'old-fashioned' ideas were a constant source of rows. Sorry to be miserable!

I would add to the chorus suggesting your age coukd be more of an issue. You are wuth the man you love and want a baby so I would totally suggest starting sooner rather than later. I know many women who had problems in their 30s ( i know loads who didn't but the risk increases as you get older)

Dh was 46 and 48 when our dc were born. He is fit and in good shape - better than me, and I'm younger! He did find the baby days extremely tiring though.

My Dad was 46 when I was born in '72. It was more unusual then so I did get the odd 'your grandads here' at primary school - genuine mistakes. I was an only child and he had very much wanted children so he spent a lot of time with me and taught me a lot. He was paranoid about being an older father and wittered about not seeing me grow up - in the end he lived to 89, seeing his grandkids into Senior school.
These days older fathers are much more common and really not an issue.

Paternal age can reportedly affect the “odds” of miscarriage and certain health conditions.

All other things being equal I don’t think it would be such a big deal to wait longer - however unfortunately in your case I’d be thinking more about your own age. If your mum had her menopause at 37 /38 and you previously took 2 years to conceive when younger, then I wouldn’t waste time if this is something you really want.
I think that older dads (and mums!) do great st the ages you’re suggesting, but biology may be stacked against you more than others which is unfair.

My DH was 45 (turned 46 a few days after dd1 was born) he was a bit worried he would be the oldest dad in the playground but there's s few similar ages and dd1 once told him he was silly because xxxx's dad is 57 and he has lots of wee brothers and I've only one annoying sister