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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not having sex... teen in next room!

123 replies

Teenagemaw · 14/04/2018 08:38

Namechanged due to embarrasment.
Me and DH havent had sex for a few months. We have a 7yo and a 14yo and the 14yo stays up till about 11/12 ish, a night owl like dh. In the morning we have to be up and out early most mornings... I cant relax to have sex knowing 14 yo is through the paper thin walls... AIBU in asking how the hell we are supposed to have sex??? I am an early nighter so usually sleeping by 11 myself. No childcare at the moment due to a whole other issue with my mum. HELP mumsnet!

OP posts:

Littlelambpeep · 14/04/2018 08:40

Could you put music to mask sounds or would that wake the youngest?
Does he go out early evening / sports etc?

WelliesAndPyjamas · 14/04/2018 08:41

Close the door and get on with it quietly. Why on earth deprive yourselves of fun and affection over that 😄 Does your eldest think you only did it two times ever? 😄

TenancyTroublesAgain · 14/04/2018 09:40

Growing up, I went from never hearing to regularly hearing and being woken up by my mum through paper thin walls... Honestly it scarred me, I randomly flash back back to the noises... and it makes me feel sick.

I guess it's her fault I feel so strongly about it, it's like sex didn't exist my whole upbringing and then one day... bam, every fucking morning and night, wherever I was in the house I could head if. I used to lie in bed with my fingers in my ears for an hour just to be safe . We never had the talk, didn't even say the word sex. My sister felt the same as she went nuts when she heard them one time.

It's good you're considerate.

Pengggwn · 14/04/2018 09:47

I think it is grim to have sex when your teenage children can hear you. Can the kids be sent to grandparents' or an auntie/uncle? Can your DH not 'have an early night' once in a while and let the 14 year old stay up and watch a film?

ClareB83 · 14/04/2018 09:59

Maybe hearing you have sex a few times will encourage him to go to sleep earlier!

Seriously though it's pretty inevitable in most houses with these thin walls, either find some time when he is out/downstairs/asleep or pop the TV/music on or just do it.

There's worse things than knowing your parents still fancy each other.

gamerchick · 14/04/2018 10:01

You just need to get inventive! A small bolt on the door will help free your mind a bit oddly.

stegosauruslady · 14/04/2018 10:01

Eh, I think it depends on general attitudes towards sex in your house.

I think it might be a bit of a shock to realise that your parents have sex if it has never been spoken about, but I remember it being a non-event coming from a house that was pretty open about sex.

Also, can you not just fuck in the shower? I'm pretty sure that is what my parents did and we are getting a wet room installed partly for this reason!

KirstenRaymonde · 14/04/2018 10:01

Just be quieter. Or set an alarm for half an hour earlier in the morning.

Notso · 14/04/2018 10:02

I can remember hearing my parents as a teen and being the spiteful bitch that I was back then I'd wait until they were well into it then interrupt them.
I don't know if our kids hear us or not, we're on a different floor which phsycologically helps. I can't hear them moving around in bed etc but I can hear them on the landing.
Weekend mornings are probably best for us because the eldest is at work and the other three are downstairs watching TV so there's a whole floor between us.
We do put the radio on and try to be very quiet although I did catch DD rolling her eyes when DH suggested an early night to listen to a podcast so maybe she's onto us.

BrutusMcDogface · 14/04/2018 10:06

Just be quiet and discreet?

Tenancy - is this because you just didn't notice, before? Or do you think they suddenly started doing it all the time within your earshot? It is strange. My parents never did it

kyrenialady · 14/04/2018 10:06

What about mornings, my 16 year old doesn't seem to wake until 10-11am when she is not at school.

Or just be more quiet and put a bolt in the door.

Pengggwn · 14/04/2018 10:09

Also, can you not just fuck in the shower?

Really not for everyone. I'm just imagining the 14 year old seeing their wet parents emerging together from the shower and never showering again.

PinkbicyclesinBerlin · 14/04/2018 10:11

you not just fuck in the shower? I'm pretty sure that is what my parents did and we are getting a wet room installed partly for this reason

Seriously?? I hope you’ve tried this before you install the wet room. I remember when this was position of the fortnight in More magazine. DBF and I have it a shot s few times, totally shit position.

MinaPaws · 14/04/2018 10:13

It's a common problem. DTeens are awake until long past my bedtime.

Best solutions are - wait until they have earphones on and are locked in a game/listening to thrash metal, then DTD very quietly, or at 6am when they are dead to the world. And have weekends away. DH was ecstatically happy for weeks after our last weekend away when we finally had an uninterrupted two days without worrying that DC could hear or would walk in.

Differentcorner · 14/04/2018 10:15

Honestly just do it quietly! I'm sure you snuck around enough as a teen so just do that! There's no need for all the noise if you don't want to

strawberrysparkle · 14/04/2018 10:18

Please nobody allow your children to bear you have sex. It is completely sexually inappropriate and could actually be abusive.

I had sexually inappropriate parents and it has made my relationship with sex very bad and uncomfortable. Completely weird the people suggesting allowing them to just hear?!

gabsdot · 14/04/2018 10:18

Get a lock for your door. Go to bed early and have a shag while the teenager is still downstairs.

ShinyShooney · 14/04/2018 10:23

Surely the teenager is at a sleepover at least once a week?

VladmirsPoutine · 14/04/2018 10:24

Just get on with it. It's not like you'll be screaming from the chandeliers and to be frank its your house and your sex life.

GinGeum · 14/04/2018 10:26

Hearing my mum and step dad totally messed me up as a teen. My step dad moved in when I was 13/14 and started openly talking about sex to my mum in front of me, like ‘I’m going for a shower, feel free to join me’ etc, and suddenly there was always the noise of sex coming from their room. It was bloody horrible.

Turns out he was a bloody weirdo anyway, and they are divorced now, but still. I felt so uncomfortable at home.

Notso · 14/04/2018 10:26

Please nobody allow your children to bear you have sex. It is completely sexually inappropriate and could actually be abusive.

There's a big difference in having sex knowing your children will hear and having sex when there's a possibility your children might hear. There would be very few siblings if it was abusive to have sex when there's children in the house.

ambersmokeygrey · 14/04/2018 10:29

Grim, Pengwyn ?

How did they get here?

WonderTweek · 14/04/2018 10:31

I’d probably still do it but super quietly. My husband and I always do it if we’re staying at any of our parents’ and we’ve mastered the art of silent sex. It can be a bit boring not being able to do what you want or be as loud as you want but at least you’re getting some. Could you do it in the daytime on a weekend if you send the kids to their grandparents?

Pengggwn · 14/04/2018 10:32

ambersmokeygrey

Obviously we all know how conception happens. But we don't let our children watch people having sex, do we? Nothing 'dirty' about sex, but it isn't appropriate for children to hear or watch it happening.

MismatchedStripySocks · 14/04/2018 10:33

We’re the same! Luckily, DS is out 3 evenings a week for sport and youth club. Every Sunday he has rugby and every other weekend he stays at his dad’s from Friday to Sunday. We only do it when he’s out but luckily there’s loads of opportunities!

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