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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not having sex... teen in next room!

123 replies

Teenagemaw · 14/04/2018 08:38

Namechanged Blush due to embarrasment.
Me and DH havent had sex for a few months. We have a 7yo and a 14yo and the 14yo stays up till about 11/12 ish, a night owl like dh. In the morning we have to be up and out early most mornings... I cant relax to have sex knowing 14 yo is through the paper thin walls... AIBU in asking how the hell we are supposed to have sex??? I am an early nighter so usually sleeping by 11 myself. No childcare at the moment due to a whole other issue with my mum. HELP mumsnet!

OP posts:
JaneyEJones · 14/04/2018 12:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missymayhemsmum · 14/04/2018 12:39

Insulate the walls? Seriously, 100 quids worth of insulation quilt inside a stud wall, weekend job. Carpet on the floor and check the bed for squeaky joints. Put music on.

Kelsoooo · 14/04/2018 12:42

@gamerchick

Not remotely, I just expect my children to respect my privacy as they will want me to respect theirs as they grow older. And it’s usually the people that don’t set expectations of behaviour from the start that usually have problems in relation to things like these.

Jenasaurus · 14/04/2018 12:45

I never heard my parents having sex but I remember seeing my mum going to the bathroom naked but with a sheet round her perspiring and looking flushed. My dad was open about the fact they still had a sex life, in fact I remember him proudly boasting that they still had sex despite him being in his 70s and being on chemo. I wasn't repulsed by it but soon learnt their routine and avoided being around.

I also had my DS walk in on us doing a numerical sex act when he was 3. It was middle of the night and he had nightmare, I pray he hadn't a clue what was going on but I am not so sure. Later my grown up children told me they heard me at times when they were in their teens.

In reverse I once came home from work early and heard my 19 year old DD crying out in what i thought was pain, I rushed into her room to find her having sex! I don't know who was more embarrassed (actually her bf was as he was scared to come out and face her DF and DBs)

Spoog1971xx · 14/04/2018 12:46

Do it on the floor, get ball gags and a door lock- simple

Original poster
Teenagemaw · 14/04/2018 13:03

Thanks for all the tips. Sorry to not reply sooner but we have been out all morning with patchy reception. Moving isnt an option. Shower is beside the bedrooms so also not an option. We have had the sex discussion and are quite open about stuff so there is no issue there I just dont want DC hearing me and i cant relax. It is comforting to know others feel the same and I will certainly try some of the suggestions. A monday morning after the kids in school is a time where we are both at home so im sure we could go back to bed for a nap then Wink. Thanks to everyone who replied. Star

OP posts:
Pinkvoid · 14/04/2018 13:27

It is great you’re so considerate. I remember hearing my DM screaming one night and I seriously thought she was having a heart attack Blush. I was scared... Then as I got older and realised what was happening, I used to have to put my earphones in and pretend it wasn’t happening. Scarred me for life it did Grin.

Go upstairs earlier and leave him downstairs with a film on/his games console. He shouldn’t really be awake that late at 14 anyway, not on a school night (my mum made me go to sleep by 10 till I was 16- not that I listened but still.)

gamerchick · 14/04/2018 13:37

And it’s usually the people that don’t set expectations of behaviour from the start that usually have problems in relation to things like these

You did do the face then. Grin

I don’t think I would want my kids to knock before coming in the living room after they’ve gone to bed tbh. If you’re indulging in some setter delight in that room there’s a chance you might not hear them. Are they then expected to listen to see if they can come in? Nope nope nope

gamerchick · 14/04/2018 13:38

*settee

ClareB83 · 14/04/2018 14:45

I'm confused @gamerchick, pretty sure @Kelsoooo and others were talking about bedrooms not living rooms.

But actually until I was a teen I had to ask permission to come downstairs if it was after bedtime.

FreudianSlurp · 14/04/2018 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Teenagemaw · 14/04/2018 15:41

Smile i have a tartan shirt... could do a wee bit of role play Grin

OP posts:
mumontherun14 · 14/04/2018 16:05

We had to get a lock when DD 11 walked in on us one night by accident. Traumatic for everyone I tried to speak to her about it the next day and make a bit of a joke of it and say it was a bit of Mum & Dad time and we were all embarrassed but it's all normal & natural but it's still totally cringe when I think about it. After that I could never relax at night as DS 14 is often still awake too when we go to bed. We got a lock and I put Tv on which has helped. I really hope DD isn't traumatised for life xxx

Cockmagic · 14/04/2018 16:08

Just have a quiet shag..

I occasionally heard my mam when I was younger ( a handful of times in my life) it didn't scar me or leave me horrified, because I have a normal attitude towards sex.

gottachangethename1 · 14/04/2018 16:14

Just do it quietly. Can’t understand those who feel it necessary to scream and shout when others are at home. Save that for times when you are on your own.

TenancyTroublesAgain · 14/04/2018 17:49

@Cockmagic Smug much? Define normal Hmm it depends on your upbringing. It's relative. There is no normal.

Kelsoooo · 14/04/2018 19:13

@gamerchick @ClareB83 I was talking about my bedroom. Not the family use rooms

My bedroom is just that, mine. (And DHs obviously). It’s not a communal room. The children can come in when we are there, and wander in in the night if they’re unwell or had a bad dream but it’s not a communal room.

Cockmagic · 14/04/2018 19:37

Ok a healthy attitude then. .

ClareB83 · 14/04/2018 19:42

Yes that's what thought @Kelsoooo, was the same in all the houses I went to as a kid. Even during the day with the door open you had to ask to come into the parents bedroom.

steff13 · 15/04/2018 02:08

Do lots of people have locks on their bedroom doors? How does this come about?

It's standard here; I've never seen a bedroom door without a lock. The house my husband and I rented when we're first married had locks on the bedroom doors and it was over 100 years old. The locks were original to the house.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 15/04/2018 02:35

Do it on the floor 😉

DameFanny · 15/04/2018 17:33

Don't know if anyone's suggested this yet, bit what about moving the room around so you've got a wardrobe against that wall? Clothes can be very sound-deadening. You could also hang a blanket or something to increase the muffling?

dragonara53 · 15/04/2018 17:55

Good grief, I can't believe some of the stuff I'm reading. Teenagers these days know more about sex these days than they did when I was one. Sex is part of the whole birth, life thing. If you want sex in your own house get on with it. Or just don't and never have it again because , well, you have kids who might think you're having sex or hear you. In my house sex was never a taboo subject. People are strange. No wonder people are hung up over their bodies and sex. Get a grip.

simiisme · 15/04/2018 18:07

I cannot believe that people are so uptight.
I live in a tiny house and we have two teenage boys. These days, now it's so difficult to get on the property ladder, they could be living with us into their 20s or beyond - guess we should be celibate?
There's a big difference between screaming at the top of your lungs and discreet sex. I do tend to burst out laughing, though.
Our eldest said one day, 'Mum - I could hear you giggling last night.' I replied, 'Yes, Dad told me a funny joke' He looked sceptical, but I don't think he'll be needing therapy any time soon.

Doodlesplodge17 · 15/04/2018 18:20

We have learnt to have stealth sex even though our teenager lives in the extension downstairs, we have 7 & 9 year old DC either side of us Grin
My only gripe is that I wish the tramp with the revolving bedroom door nextdoor would do the same! Her youngest DC is 19 or 20 and that young man must have some seriously fantastic noise cancelling headphones or else he’d definitely be scarred for life, my poor kids thought something bad was happening to her when she first moved in 2 years ago because she is a proper screamer and our walls are paper thin and she still has her open fires so the sound travels through the chimney breasts too Blush. And just to clarify - you can hear someone cough, sneeze and fart the walls are so thin.
I am mildly curious as to why she needs to scream like that though...Grin we weren’t exactly quite before the kids but I’d get a sore throat if I carried on the way she does!