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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not having sex... teen in next room!

123 replies

Teenagemaw · 14/04/2018 08:38

Namechanged Blush due to embarrasment.
Me and DH havent had sex for a few months. We have a 7yo and a 14yo and the 14yo stays up till about 11/12 ish, a night owl like dh. In the morning we have to be up and out early most mornings... I cant relax to have sex knowing 14 yo is through the paper thin walls... AIBU in asking how the hell we are supposed to have sex??? I am an early nighter so usually sleeping by 11 myself. No childcare at the moment due to a whole other issue with my mum. HELP mumsnet!

OP posts:
Rikalaily · 14/04/2018 11:29

Do it on the floor and with the TV on. Or in the middle of the night, or in the very early mornings of days off, snatched quickie slots whenever you can... You can't completely avoid them hearing all of the time though. When we told the kids I was expecting no.6 ds (15) said 'yeah I think I heard it being conceived' Blush

Daffodils78 · 14/04/2018 11:33

set an alarm for 3/4am

Pinkbedsheets · 14/04/2018 11:36

I would feel completely uncomfortable with this, as both the teenager and the parents. Yes, it is completely normal and natural to have a healthy sex life, but not in the earshot of your kids..if it can be helped. I would get a quiet bed, suggest more sleepovers, time out with friends, early morning sex or just do it on the floor like others said with the tv on. You will just have to be quiet, but I guess that’s what happens when you have kids Grin

Smeaton · 14/04/2018 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Faintlinesquints · 14/04/2018 11:41

My opinion probably isn’t the most popular... but just do it.
Dh & I have 3 dc, oldest is 15. We just have sex when we want, obviously we try and be quiet, but is is perfectly normal for a couple to have a healthy sexual relationship.
Dd has heard us on occasion, but she has headphones she can wear, she knows her parents have sex, we’re adults, it’s not something to hide or be ashamed of.

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/04/2018 11:42

Mina Paws, yes two teenagers 13 and 18. My 13 year old is in bed for 8.30 as she needs to get up at 6am for school.
That’s not even enough sleep really. Teens need ten hours, I have no idea why you would think eight hours was sufficient.

devoncreamtea · 14/04/2018 11:51

Can you move her to a different room? Also, put some boundaries around her bedtime. I have a 15 year old and on weeknights I expect her to be going up to bed at 9.30 and lights out by 10 at the latest. They need decent sleep and you need a sex life!

ManicUnicorn · 14/04/2018 11:52

My DM used to literally scream the house down. I mean proper porn style moaning and groaning, and that's not including the loud banging of the headboard against the wall.Its not nice to hear and I think it's slightly weird and disrespectful to have such openly noisy sex when you know there are people just few feet away from you that you know will probably hear, it's even more disturbing when those people are your kids, kids of any age not just teens. My DM is a bit of an odd bod about lots of things though , but that's a whole other thread.

Honstly, just keep it down. I'd be horrified if any child of mine heard me making a noise like that,

Dobbythesockelf · 14/04/2018 11:53

How is two consenting adults having sex in their own bedroom in their own house abusive? I mean if you couldn't have sex because children were in the house nobody would have siblings Surely? Just have quiet sex, most teenagers I know have headphones permenantly attached to their ears so get him some new ones and crack on...

Sallystyle · 14/04/2018 11:54

I have teens who often stay up later than us. Younger ones which means day time sex is often out of the question.

Mine have overheard us. The bed makes noises. We obviously try to limit the noise but sometimes they might hear. I am not really bothered by that too much. I don't like it, I don't want them to hear but it happens on occasions and it isn't a huge deal.

strawberrysparkle · 14/04/2018 11:56

I wasn't suggesting two adults having sex in their own house is abusive however what i think is, is two adults having sex without trying to disguise it whilst children are around.

ManicUnicorn · 14/04/2018 11:59

It's not abusive to have sex in your own home, but it is abusive to do so so loudly that it could wake the dead IMO, which is what my DM did. Well not actually wake the dead, but the whole fucking Street probably heard.

Like I said weird and disturbing, but my DM has lots of boundary issues with regards to DB and I anyway.

TwigTheWonderKid · 14/04/2018 11:59

DH and I often disappear upstairs for half an hour or so mid-evening whilst our 10 and 12 year olds are downstairs watching tv. We have a lock on the door and we do whack on the radio quite loud but it seems to work.

EC22 · 14/04/2018 12:01

Just be quiet?
I used to have a noisy bed, we did it on the floor! Now I have a nice quiet bed and I shove a pillow over my face.

Purplejay · 14/04/2018 12:02

We have this issue as I am usually knackered and ready for bed before our 11 yo! We have no parents or anyone else to have him overnight. For me it isn’t just about him hearing as we can be fairly quiet but him walking in if we are doing anything while he is awake. We have always been an open door family. If we suddenly start closing our bedroom door or install a lock there will be questions! I do push our door to and put the door stop behind it which will give a little warning but he is in the next room. If playing his Xbox with headphones he is oblivious to the world but if he suddenly decided he wanted to talk to us, he would be there in a flash with no sound or warning!

Play dates for younger ones works well but as they get older they just call for friends and keep popping back.

Purplejay · 14/04/2018 12:05

Do lots of people have locks on their bedroom doors? How does this come about?

Scotsmum2017 · 14/04/2018 12:11

The Xbox is the greatest invention, as DS gets very animated talking/shouting/laughing with his friends, we have very quiet sneaky sex at night. Other than that, when kids out at various activities is a good time too Blush

Byebyebye · 14/04/2018 12:13

Is there anything wrong with two parents having sex? No

There is something wrong with hearing a squeaking bed and your mum moaning as I experienced as a child and teenager growing up. It’s gross and awkward. You can’t concentrate on anything else and you definitely can’t go to sleep if you’re awake when it starts.

There is a difference between knowing your parents logically have sex and experiencing it.

gamerchick · 14/04/2018 12:13

Do lots of people have locks on their bedroom doors? How does this come about?

Well a screwdriver is a good start...

Bunbunbunny · 14/04/2018 12:14

If the walls are that thin move

Kelsoooo · 14/04/2018 12:17

I don’t have locks....and I’ve taught the children to knock before entering if it’s not the middle of the night.
Respect and boundaries work both ways

NinaJeana · 14/04/2018 12:17

Tempted to get a lock on our bedroom door - we usually pull furniture in front of it at the moment 😬
14 yo is in the room next door and I'm trying to convince dh we need a loft conversion doing for her to move in to. She's always been a difficult and late sleeper (compared to her younger siblings) and it's a nightmare trying to find a suitable time to dtd these days ☹️.

JustDanceAddict · 14/04/2018 12:18

On weekends they get up late.... do it when they’re out.

gamerchick · 14/04/2018 12:23

I don’t have locks....and I’ve taught the children to knock before entering if it’s not the middle of the night
Respect and boundaries work both ways

Grin did you do the proper mint lips while you wrote that? Grin

I have a lock in the living room door as well.

MrsTylerJoseph · 14/04/2018 12:35

Buy the 14yo some headphones for listening to music! Dd wears her loads.

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