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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not having sex... teen in next room!

123 replies

Teenagemaw · 14/04/2018 08:38

Namechanged Blush due to embarrasment.
Me and DH havent had sex for a few months. We have a 7yo and a 14yo and the 14yo stays up till about 11/12 ish, a night owl like dh. In the morning we have to be up and out early most mornings... I cant relax to have sex knowing 14 yo is through the paper thin walls... AIBU in asking how the hell we are supposed to have sex??? I am an early nighter so usually sleeping by 11 myself. No childcare at the moment due to a whole other issue with my mum. HELP mumsnet!

OP posts:
MyDcAreMarvel · 14/04/2018 10:33

Your 14 year old should be going to sleep a lot early on school nights . Assuming she is getting up at 7am for school she should be asleep by 9-9.30 pm.
Sort that issue out and there will be no problem.

BrutusMcDogface · 14/04/2018 10:33

I'm also not a fan of sex in the shower. It's too much like hard work standing up and shagging Blush plus water gets in your face.

wrenika · 14/04/2018 10:34

We would be rather stunted - in terms of numbers and in terms of our general outlook on life - if it was sexually abusive to have sex when your kid might overhear accidentally. I don't think it's sexually abusive unless you are deliberately doing it with the knowledge they will overhear.
Surely it's our entire outlook that's warped if we - as a teen or whatever - accidentally overhear a few sex noises and are so horrified it warps us. It's natural. It's caring...it's bonding. Why is it bad? Because we're being raised to think so? Who knows...it's not my area of expertise, but I do think there's something gone wrong when we have this attitude towards accidentally overhearing sex!

MinaPaws · 14/04/2018 10:36

MyDC - do you have teens? Even if you put them in bed, lights out by 9.30/10pm you can't physically make them sleep. They only need about 8 hours by then, same as adults and so they are awake and can hear whether they want to or not.

Pengggwn · 14/04/2018 10:36

wrenika

Okay, but quite a few people have already said they were upset by hearing their parents having sex when they were teens. I would add my own experience to that. It's unsettling. Perhaps it shouldn't be, but there we are.

Scoogle · 14/04/2018 10:37

I feel your pain op. We have three teenagers. Luckily they don't emerge before 10am. So we have early morning stealth silent sex. We even replaced our bed as the old one was very creaky. But there's no chance at bed time , as they're always up!

Scoogle · 14/04/2018 10:39

I agree with Minapaws. I can send mine up at 9pm , but I can't make them sleep. They are often awake when DH and I go up.

Emmageddon · 14/04/2018 10:40

Silent sex is the way forward. If your bed creaks, replace it with one that doesn't. You don't have to forego your sex life completely, just be quiet and discreet.

bullyingadvice2017 · 14/04/2018 10:40

Mine used to think it was funny to say they were just going for a nap, then chase each other upstairs. Favourite time to do this was when I had about 8 mates around and they knew it would clear the house in 2 minutes flat. To be honest it was cringe but I was never traumatised.
Quite funny really if you haven't made sex a taboo subject and bred prudish ideas.

Somerville · 14/04/2018 10:43

Do you get lunch breaks from work long enough to get home? Lunchtime sex is the best.

Otherwise, lock your door and music on.

BettyBaggins · 14/04/2018 10:48

Buy the teen some swanky headphones, tell them you can hear their music/tv so wear them. Get wd40 for creaky bed. Initiate more sleepovers!

Solasshole · 14/04/2018 10:51

OP, I don't have kids but I have had sex with my partner while other people have been in the house and we didn't want to be heard. What worked for us was obviously not making any noises ourselves (moans etc) which is harder but we manage and then making sure not to make any other erroneous noises. What usually works is if I give my partner oral sex while he's lying on the floor (so no squeaky bed frames to deal with Wink ), put a soft blanket down to make things comfier. Then he'll do the same to me, also on the floor. If you have a really silent bed you could try PIV on the bed I guess but tbh I don't always feel comfortable taking that risk, lol

Moans and so on aside, oral sex itself is pretty quiet (or at least when we do it it is?)

missyB1 · 14/04/2018 10:52

Early evening sex when teen is still watching TV? Daytime sex at weekends when teen is out? You just have to be a bit more flexible about when you do it.

WeAllHaveWings · 14/04/2018 10:54

I remember hearing my parents having sex. Basically sounded like heavy breathing and grunts, didn't sound like fun to me.

I wouldn't be able to relax knowing my ds was listening to that. Youre an adult, find a solution which reduces the risk and respects your dcs entitlement not to have to listen to their parents sex noises.

BringMeCoffeePlease · 14/04/2018 10:54

Just do it quietly OP with very limited noise. Surely if your DD is up till late, she’s busy doing something like reading, watching videos/TV so isn’t likely to hear quiet noises.

Baubletrouble43 · 14/04/2018 11:00

my now at uni teenager had a xbox when at home. We bought her some really kick ass headphones to go with it Smile

Baubletrouble43 · 14/04/2018 11:01

Or we paid her to take the dog out for a walk of a summer evening Smile

VioletCharlotte · 14/04/2018 11:02

I wouldn't want to have sex with teenagers in the next room either, I'd find it really off putting! I guess you'll just have to get creative and look for opportunities when she's out!

KirstenRaymonde · 14/04/2018 11:11

Sexually abusive? God people in this country have some bizarre ideas about sex. Sex is a totally normal and healthy part of life! No you don’t want to be screaming when your kids can hear, but it’s really not horrendous for kids to know their parents have a normal, happy relationship that involves sex.

Mookatron · 14/04/2018 11:14

Where's the 7 year old? Could they swap rooms and stave off the problem for a bit? 'Then you can play your music at night without disturbing us'. Obvs this only works if the 7 year old is further away.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/04/2018 11:14

Buy them teen noise cancelling earphones, preferably the In brand so that they will want to wear them all the time.

TheJoyOfSox · 14/04/2018 11:17

I recommend getting a radio, CD or record player in your bedroom.

Play music just loud enough to hide any moans, grunts, squeaks etc.

It also works well as a hint, if DH comes out the bathroom to find you already have music playing.

YellowBucket · 14/04/2018 11:18

We treat ours to a trip to the cinema! Weekend kids club was a godsend when they were smaller.

Daffodils78 · 14/04/2018 11:27
  1. In the shower (turn the taps on too and maybe play some music all other noise will be drowned out)
  2. Get 14yo to babysit 7yo so can go to a hotel/bnb/travel inn/premier for the night (works during the day too)
  3. During the day when kids are out at school/activites etc.
  4. Oral can be almost soundless, as can hand play, and cuddles and kisses of course so you can still have VERY QUIET ALMOST SILENT intimacy.
Daffodils78 · 14/04/2018 11:29
  1. Drive to the arse end of nowhere and do it in the car
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