To say Dh’s farts spoiled our day out?

[Snap8TheCat]

He obviously thinks IABU.

Yesterday we went on a family day out to a historical building. The children are at an age where they really enjoy this sort of place and particularly love history.

We spent the day looking around the buildings and listening to speakers, enjoying artwork, reading plaques and taking photographs etc.

However I feel the day was interrupted by Dh’s noxious gas. God knows what he’d eaten but my goodness it was so embarrassing. We kept having to move on quickly due to the smell. He doesn’t usually emit quite such a foul stench and I appreciate he did need the loo and couldn’t help it.

Aibu to say his farts really did spoil the ambiance and concentration required of the venue? He says he couldn’t help it and so IABU.

YANBU , my DH ruined valentines dinner at a posh restaurant by farting slowly all the way to the table as we followed the waiter. It was rank and you could tell that the waiter thought it was me.

I have ibd and have never farted in public yet so I'm pretty well versed in farting & bowel matters.
The man should have gone for a shit, no point in holding on all day, stinking everyone else out, so YANBU.

Toxic fumes aside, it’s bad for one to hold their bowel movements the way he does. I understand sometimes you may not be able to avoid holding it sometimes, just that if he does it often, it’s really not healthy.

@tishhope, I hope you held your DH accountable for crop dusting.

OP, I suppose it could be worse. Some men never grow up and make a sport of tormenting others with their gassy habits, like sitting on you to fart, waiting to do it in an elevator, or pulling a Dutch oven. Blech.

I remember standing having a very serious conversation with my old boss.

He let go the most almighty fart, I swear the whole building felt like it moved. He just stood there and looked at me, literally speechless for moment, with the most mortified expression on his face. Then he said 'Gosh Wilbur, I'm so sorry. I appear to have the most dreadful windypops'.

I almost died laughing, his reaction was so fantastic. We both stood there for about 10 minutes laughing so hard that the tears were pouring down our faces. Totally changed our relationship after that, I was firmly his favourite.

Windypops 🤣
I’m not sure I’m mature enough to read this thread!

Windypops 🤣
I’m not sure I’m mature enough to read this thread!

Me too. 😂

Susan, neither am I.

YAbothU for having children who enjoy stately homes.

This made me laugh so much I farted! Ok, I didn't fart but I did laugh.

He won’t go for a poo out of the house. He’d rather fart all day. How old is your DH? 3?? Have a word, OP! If you were the public farter, I wonder how tolerant your DH would be. Buy him a pack of Pull-Ups to wear on family days out. He can shit in those. Hopefully, you won't be the one wiping him.

he should've gone for a shit fgs That really made me laugh out loud. Nice one Kitt

Ok, farting does not necessarily mean one needs the lavatory, but the OP’s husband did need to go, and when it’s “the turtle’s breath”, they are worse.
I got away with it once in lectures, sitting next to a new guy. It wasn’t a friendly course and I thought, “oh well, we’ll probably never speak again except to say hello”. We became firm friends as part of a threesome and a year or so later, I told him what I’d done to him. He couldnt even remember and said to the other friend who was also a bloke, “you never suspect the women, do you? You always look at the nearest bloke and think, “you dirty bastard!” 😂

He won’t go for a poo out of the house. He’d rather fart all day, ffs

Sublime.

Get it?

Laughed so much at this; it's drastically improved my day.

I'm sorry but

"when the teacher would sniff a meaty stench and announce "Somebody needs to go the toilet!"

Omg " meaty stench" glad I've not eaten 😂😂😂

DP is one of the juvenile ones. He regards farting as a hobby and can't get in a lift with other people without trying to squeeze one out. He gets a particular look on his face, sort of a studied nonchalance, and I know exactly what he's doing.

Fortunately, I'm quite juvenile too and find loud ones that aren't smelly amusing.

Your dh is obviously a fartist,
A noble career he has,
To trump on cue,
He lets go a few,
And never runs out of gas

bows down to @0ccamsRazor**

We're not worthy.

Ode to a flatulist

Oh Mr Methane, you are so stinky,
Sinking battleships in the bath,
Letting Polly out to play on a very windy day,
Anal salute, goes toot toot,
Bumsen burner,
Cornhole clap,
Droppin’ stink bombs, left right and center.

Fecal fume, fire in the hole,
Grundle rumble,
Horton hears a poo.

O-ring oboe
One-man salute
Orchestra practice...... trump trump toot.

Rectal turbulence
Ripass
Ripper
Roar from the rear
Rump ripper, rump roar hear the sphincter siren call!
Sphincter whistle
Spitter
Split the seam with a squeaker
Stale wind blows.....

Steam-press your Calvins and step on a duck,
Testing in the Levi wind tunnel with the thunder from down under,

Oh he knows the joys of a jolly good fart.

Poem inspired by Huff gruff post

Am blessed with a DH who thinks his farts are funny.
He will appear, adopt a pose much like a scuttling crab, drop his guts with a rattle and laugh occasionally a bow
It sounds painful. I sometimes think his bum hole will drop out.

His farts are so noxious that on occasion the smell has awoken me from a deep slumber.

One time he did one so bad in bed that I hung out the side of the bed to get the cool air from under the bed up my nose. We both laughed so hard, I fell off the bed.

This is an actual shits and giggles thread isn’t it?

Farts are a bit like marmite, one either finds them funny or not, depending on ones type of personality.

Hands a grip or perhaps a peg would be better to all those that think humans are desended from angels rather than apes.

My friends husband, farts on the dogs head, and says "That'll give you a parting"????

I've had a crap day (pardon the pun) and this has given me a real laugh. Thanks OP, sorry about dh's problem. Sounds like mine after a few beers - it's like a rat crawled up his arse and died. He takes a strange pride in it though!

Urgh

My ex did this at the WB Harry Potter studio. We won tickets and she had wind all day, farted on the Hogwarts Express And we had to scarper before I even got a photo in there.

Ruined the whole HP saga for me really. sigh

Vanguard - Pull-Ups! Thanks for the ROFL!

Occam's - if you're not a performance poet you should be! Bard of the fart, get thee to an Open Mic!
Though I guess it was OP's DH's Open Mic that caused the trouble!