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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Because I would rather be overdressed?

131 replies

Mamabear1475 · 11/04/2018 19:24

We are having our families photos done professionally this weekend. I have already picked out a dress to wear. But straight after the photos finish we are going to a friend's get together about 5 minutes away. According to dh I am going to look ridiculous because I will be dressed up and nobody else will be. AIBU to not give a shit? I was once massively underdressed for something and spent the entire night hiding in shame

OP posts:
Thisisharderthaniexpected · 12/04/2018 06:28

Why on earth would black jeans not look right next to that dress?? I’m seriously missing something here 🤨

Thisisharderthaniexpected · 12/04/2018 06:31

“Wearing a frock when everyone else is in jeans is just as bad as wearing jeans when everyone is poshed up. It's about fitting in and not sticking out like a sore thumb.”

What a sad view to have ☹️

Oogle · 12/04/2018 06:35

It is a beautiful dress. Is it a studio shoot? Just check you can wear that colour & patterns as they often prefer you in darker colours as the background is usually white.

I’m often guilty of over dressing. I wore a full length gown to a charity event in a casino - everyone else was smart/casual. I was so embarrassed. I was young though! The other week we went to a nice restaurant, I dressed up for it. I was the most overdressed person by a country mile. I didn’t give a shit. I’d lost weight, the dress was stunning and I felt great.

I generally do prefer to fit in though and in your situation would take a change of clothes but the decision is yours, not ours or your DHs.

CountFosco · 12/04/2018 06:38

Your DH is being an arse. Wear the dress (you look lively), take a denim jacket/biker/cardigan/jumper to wear over it at the party so you don't get cold and a pair of flats (if in doubt Stan Smiths go with everything) or just kick off your heels for the party. Your friends won't care, you will no doubt get lots of oohs and aahs over the dress, all will be great.

ginnybag · 12/04/2018 07:11

It's a gorgeous dress, and who cares if your overdressed but..

I wouldn't want a lot of black on two other people in a photo with that. The colour balance will be odd. The dress is light, pale.

They need greys and blues, and the colours in the frock, if you can. Have another look at what they own

OneStepSideways · 12/04/2018 07:26

OP it's a beautiful dress, but you will look silly wearing it to an event where everyone is in jeans. Every photographer's studio has a changing area (many people change outfits between shots) so there's no need to wear it to the party. It looks attention seeking to keep it on when you have the chance to change.
Being overdressed at a casual event is as embarrassing and cringey as being underdressed (I've done both).

I would also tell your DH and sons to wear formal trousers for the shoot. The photos will look comical if you're wearing a formal dress and they're in black jeans!

pigmcpigface · 12/04/2018 07:44

Just take a change of clothes! There will be someone to slip out of the dress. It saves your lovely frock getting ruined by wine/food too!

KC225 · 12/04/2018 08:01

What a lovely dress, and fits perfectly. It does liik dressy but the colours make it suitable for friends place afterwards. Your DH is over thinking.

KC225 · 12/04/2018 08:03

No she won't loom silly, she will look bloody lovely as she does in the photo

Bettyfood · 12/04/2018 08:10

I think the denim jacket suggestion for the photo is excellent.

RhiWrites · 12/04/2018 08:10

OP, you won’t look silly at all. It’s a nice dress but it’s also simple. It’s April, summer dresses are everywhere.

I think the all black in the pics will look smart and you will stand out in your whore dress. But you will look nice. Of course you will.

Don’t worry. Don’t let others bring you down.

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2018 08:18

Whore dress? I assume that's a typo 🤣

I d don't know where you live, but no one is In summer dresses where I am, it's been pissing down.

As for the dress, I suspect the reason the op is posting is because she's not sure. My husband would have said the same thing, if I was intending to wear a weddingy type dress to a friends casual gathering, he'd ask if I was sure. Seldom do people actively chose to be significantly overdressed when a simole option exists for them not to be.

If it's really just she loves her dress and wants to wear it to her friends to show off, then she should do that, then have a bag of clothes to change into if she starts to feel uncomfortably over dressed.

WanderingTrolley1 · 12/04/2018 08:24

If the boys are wearing jeans, whatever colour, the dress will look out of place.

mathanxiety · 12/04/2018 08:39

Why on earth would black jeans not look right next to that dress?
I think there are several reasons.

It's a pastel dress and it will be drowned out by the stark b/w colour scheme of DS and DH. Khakis would be much nicer for them alongside the dress. They would blend better with the pastel. But all in all, I think the style of dress is much more formal than the black jeans too. It calls for formal trousers.

In the event the OP manages to get khakis onto DS and DH, I think the OP should wear a shrug for the photo. The off the shoulder style really is too formal/weddingy unless accompanied by formal trousers. Definitely a cardigan or denim jacket (possibly a lighter wash) for the party.

I don't think she should wear the dress in order to show it to her friends at their get together, and changing afterwards. It's not her event and she shouldn't make herself the centre of attention there by doing that.

Bluntness100 · 12/04/2018 13:35

t's not her event and she shouldn't make herself the centre of attention there by doing that

I suspect there is a certain amount of attention seeking in it yes. No one goes to a jeans and t shirt event with kids present, in a formal dress if it's very easy for them not to. Taking a bag with some jeans and a t shirt and trainers isn't really a big deal.

So I'd guess she loves the dress, wants to wear it, and wants to show it off, as such wearing it there and then changing quite soon after arrival. might be a mid ground. It also gives her the option to change if she becomes uncomfortable, as we all know what we think will work great can often ultimately turn out like not such a great idea and make Us feel like a twat. Especially if everyone says "did you not bring anything to change into? Why ever not? " or " god poor you, you must feel so uncomfortable in that get up".

Worse still is if everyone thinks she's worn it to just attention seek, and her husband or kids are saying "well we did tell her but she was adamant she wanted to wear it to your party" she may not get the reaction she's hoping for...

Jessikita · 12/04/2018 13:39

I wear what I like when I like in my personal life. I don’t care what anyone thinks.

Bluelady · 12/04/2018 13:41

I'm really not getting all the "formal" and "wedding" comments. It's a summer frock, ffs! Obviously my idea of dressy is very different to other people's. Sling a denim jacket or biker over it and wear Vans or Converse and it's instantly dressed down.

DairyisClosed · 12/04/2018 13:42

I used to be constantly oveeedressed for everything. No one cares. I have turned intk a jeans and top wearer since having children and I constantly feel like shit. Now that they are old enough to not ruin everything I own I am slowly reverting back to my old overdressed self.

Oddcat · 12/04/2018 13:43

I'd go as you are . I went to a nightclub in a ball gown once ( straight from a vair posh dinner and dance ) my mates, who were all dressed for a nightclub,didn't care and nor did I .

Jaxhog · 12/04/2018 13:54

The problem isn't that your friends will care that you're in a posh frock. It's that your DH and DS can't be bothered to dress up properly for the photo shoot, and that everyone will know this. They're worried that you'll show them up. They want you to dress down because they'll look mean.

Don't change what you're wearing. The dress looks fab.

RhiWrites · 12/04/2018 14:26

OMG autocorrect changed it to “whore dress”. White dress! Not anything else. 😱

m0therofdragons · 12/04/2018 14:29

Completely fine. Dh wears jeans but I'm always happier in pretty dresses. Where what you feel comfortable in. Dress looks lovely by the way - can't believe someone suggested leggings Confused

OhCalamity · 12/04/2018 14:35

I'd bring a change of clothes to the party and nip upstairs and change before hand - mainy because it's a gorgeous dress and you don't want to ruin it!

Or put a cardigan over it and slip on flats to make it a bit more casual.

But I'd up by telling him you are adding a big wedding hat and feather boa to your outfit.

MTBMummy · 12/04/2018 14:38

The dress is stunning, and you llok lovely in it - don't change.

If any one asks then tell them where you've been (but I doubt they would ask tbh)

From the thread title I wondered if the photo shoot was going to be in bondage gear or something

IrianOfW · 12/04/2018 14:47

Wear the damned dress and tell your DP he is an arse! It's pretty and will look great in the photo. Why do you all have to co-ordinate in the photo anyway? Its not a fashion shoot. if you came to my house dressed like that even if we all were dressed in jeans and wellies, I'd just tell you you looked lovely and get on with the party,