Softzilla: You play; you pay!

[Unreasonableunreasonableness]

Before you all get excited: no party yet (I was trying to keep when it was vague so more anonymous but i give up) . I have had a message from softzilla.
'So are we calm enough to sort this oot for tomorrow? '

On the plus side, in situations like this you learn who your friends are

I’ve read both the original thread and this one in their entirety and didn’t comment until now because although I actually have been through something very similar, I wasn’t sure I could add anything useful as you seem to have been dealing with it all with the utmost dignity. (fwiw, when it happened to me, I just maintained my silence, entered into no drama, told no lies, but also didn’t both trying to prove my innocence or my character. I figured the truth would out eventually (it usually does), and anyone who believed the gossip and entered the drama weren’t people I really wanted in my life anyway.)

Having now seen your update about your other difficulties and the people who are getting in touch, I just wanted to send my good wishes and (unfortunately) say that I totally understand. When my DH was diagnosed with cancer last year the gossip mill did its work and we got messages of “support” from people far and wide - many of whom we hadn’t heard from in years. It felt massively intrusive, and while I’m sure these people meant well, it felt like they were just jumping on the drama bandwagon and it felt like our private lives were suddenly available for public consumption. (We did find out several times over the next few months how gossip as being spread and how we were THE topic of conversation to be had in hushed tones among many of our acquaintances, community and further afield.)

It sucks - I totally get that. Hold your head high and maintain your privacy - you don’t owe anyone any kind of explanation or information - not about softzilla or about your fertility - no-one is entitled to your life unless you invite them in.

Sending

Just read your latest update OP and am sending you very unmumsnetty hugs. It’s all shit and giggles for us making up names and silly scenarios but awful for you to be living this for real. Lots of luck for tomorrow, just do what you have to and get through the party somehow. Xxx

I agree - ignore the messages and hold your head high. You have a nest of vipers behind you cheering you on.

Bonus points if you can get a head tilt and a 'are you ok as you seem to be out of sorts' comment to her 😜

Don’t respond. Will drive her nuts. Complete bonkersville she lives in. Are you ok OP, I Know this has carried stress for you.

oh feck, I'm so sorry that happened to you, even if pg friend didn't mean to do it, that's bloody thoughtless/careless! :(

Yeah, just ignore old Softzilla. You have entirely too much else going on that is FAR more important than her and her Issues. If she wasn't so fucking self-absorbed, she'd realise that - but she IS that self-absorbed and obviously has no thought for anyone else except as in how it affects her.

So yes, ignore her entirely.

Put your game face on for tomorrow - accept any sympathy that comes your way if you can, but lightly - you can do this, you have the might of the MN Massive behind you and a bunch of RL friends there to support you through it all. Softzilla and her Dramaz shouldn't even register in light of this new situation.

Big (((hugs))) - you've got this, and we've got your back.

Sorry I’ve just caught up on the messages. Puts the nonsense of softzillas behaviour to light really doesn’t it and the unnecessary drama she’s causing. After the party, draw the line with her, you don’t need the hassle Nor stress. Good luck & let us know how it goes.

Just placemarking popping in to say head up and don’t let the bitch get you down tomorrow, OP. She’s clearly campaigned against you, but you have good friends looking after you, so you’ll be ok.

OP, did outing friend contact you to apologise or delete the comment? Has she realised what she's done yet?

(((OP)))

if she texts you again reply “new phone who dis?”

Seriously though huge sympathy, I know what it’s like to feel so horrifically worn down by this sort of batshit behaviour. Even though in my case like yours everyone else actually agreed the other person was in the wrong. It felt nice knowing that people were on my side (and that plenty had come to the conclusion that she was batshit for completely unrelated reasons, so nobody could accuse me of turning everyone against her) but it is still a horrible thing to deal with, really really horrible. 💐

I know you've a stubborn streak but could you send your DD with party friend and stay at home with the left over Easter Eggs and a trashy magazine. I think you should put your feet up and give yourself a break. You deserve it.

Sorry op, that sounds like a tough day. I'm glad you have good friends around you though (the type that don't carry a little calculator around to work out what you owe them every 5 seconds, obv).....

Go to the party have fun, don't worry about her. If she approaches you I believe "are you on glue?" is the correct response.

Sorry you have extra stress to deal with; sending you sympathy and kind thoughts.
When I was dealing with a Very Tiresome Person (years ago now) I remember loads of friends being very kind and concerned despite VTP's insistence that everyone hated me - and then I had some very sad news during one of VTP's little outbreaks and thought: I really don't care about VTP.

Softzilla's doing herself no favours at all. You have behaved so well, with such grace and dignity (much better than I would have done ) and it really will be all over soon as everyone else is thinking 'WTF is the silly cunt's problem?' and they will just ease her out of the group.

Shameless placemarking

Really very sorry to hear it's so tough for you Unreasonable

Good luck at the party if you choose to go. And we've all got your back.

Glad you've got the support of good friends

I won't be charging for the excellent thread title I suggested, but you now owe me dinner, and a soft play session! and if I don't get it I am going to tell lies about you and attempt to besmirch your name everyone you are a freeloader!

Sorry you've had a bit of a shit day I suppose it puts this fuckwit's shenanigans into perspective though - she and her desperately pathetic and thoroughly unpleasant behaviour pale into insignificance beside the other stuff you are enduring.

Just stick with your proper mates and your dc at the party, avoid Softzilla or if you come across her give her a withering smile and a sigh to let her know how tiresome and unimportant she is, and move away from her. I wouldn't waste any energy on her at all.

Are we calm enough - FFS! She sounds deranged and deluded.

for you OP

I can’t sleep because I’m so excited about the party!!

( note to self. Get out more!)

I’m envisaging someone from this thread overhearing a party at soft play tomorrow and settling in to eavesdrop, figuring out who softzilla is, ready to rugby tackle her in the ball pit with no explanation.

Turn up the the party with one of those charity collecting tins, accost everyone like a chugger.

Watch vein at the side of Softzilla's temple throb and explode, splattering her brains all over little Oscar in the ball pit.

I have been following this thread and have no further advice. Just wanted to send you love and hugs.

It would drive me mad not knowing what's going on in her head! Just ask her why she thought you owed her one, and to specify this trip that you promised to pay for and then didn't?

Good luck OP.

woke up at 2.30 and after trying to get back to sleep, I just had to check this thread to see if anything else had gone on.

Good luck for the party later.